Ramblings of an (In)sane Snow Leopard
Crazy Like a Fox >:3 Oh, Wait...

Date: Wednesday, April 23rd, 2014 - 12:47pm
Subject: Getting Things Out Now
Security: Public
I wonder if it's at all possible to avoid having a repeat of last night. It's just about 12:20 now, and I was intending to get up and wash dishes to start off being productive at 12:30, but then I thought that oh, maybe it would be nice to write first, so things aren't on my mind for the rest of the day.

Yesterday afternoon, we went out to do a bit of running around. Linda wanted to borrow money, Jen and I wanted something for supper, she and her mom wanted tomatoes (apparently bacon and tomato sandwiches are just to die for - so much that she had an incredible craving for one at ~4am a couple days ago...), and, somewhat more by surprise, Evo was coming over. We'd planned to call him later at night, but it wasn't until going out was decided that Jen thought she could call him then, and we'd just pick him up along the way, which worked out well. After collecting him, we went off to the bank. The one up on St. Clair, which was fine, because to my mind, all of our destinations - there, Subway, and Food Basics - were all in one area. Linda wanted to go to Frick's for fish, too, but that was fine, because she was the one driving. I go into the bank, and transfer an extra $20 from savings just to be on the safe side, and as I'm putting my PSP away / taking the money from the ATM and putting it in my wallet, this random guy comes in and says hi. I said hi back, and turned toward the ATM, hoping he would realize I was busy. Maybe, maybe not, because he continued on, "You know, it's so rare to see another furry around Chatham. I just wanted to say hi." I don't know what his expression was at the time, but I tried to smile, gave a pitful "...yeah..." in response, said "Well, hello, then", or somesuch, and then we shook hands, and I told him it was nice to meet him. Fine interaction and all, but just... I don't know. Maybe I wasn't in the best mood for that then.

Things afterward were fine, and I ended up getting myself both fish and a couple sandwiches, which is mainly why I haven't yet eaten anything today (and intend to continue going without until after work, hopefully), then we all just sat and did random things. Evo packed up and left around 11, and Jen decided that would be a good time to take the laundry down, so she did that, and my night slowly fell apart from there. I had a good, solid idea of what I wanted to do, for whatever that's worth. I would make use of the living room to be doing some weirdo things I've been wanting to for a while, possibly actually starting with the dishes first, and then use the momentum from having cleaning up to do after that to go right through to tidying up the bedroom. What ended up actually happening though? I laid down on the floor at some point to have peroxide and rubbing alcohol in my ears, in hopes of removing whatever blockage I can occasionally hear while I'm chewing, and then I just never got up. I wasn't tired at first or anything, but I did eventually fall asleep, and when Jen shook me awake to ask why I was still just laying there, I said it was because I was lacking the motivation to do anything else. Why, though? The best answer I can come up with is that I wanted her to help me with things in the living room in some form, but she just continued reading things on her computer, and I never could bring myself around to doing things on my own. Furthering that theory is how when she first went downstairs with the laundry, I was up and ready to clean and was starting to work up a list in my head, but then she returned and went back to reading, and I must've been in too strong a mood to do something together.

Presumably a while after that, I felt her shaking me awake, and opened my eyes slightly to notice all the lights were off. She asked if I wanted to go to proper bed, and I said yes, so I stumbled off, trying for everything to not look at the clocks. I fell asleep pretty quickly, finally waking up again at ~11:40, and I think the rest has pretty much been said. I want to start the dishes or whatever before she wakes up, and hopefully that can keep me going until other things are done, or I have to leave for work. Whichever comes first.

Apart from that, I had one dream last night to write about. I was in Toronto, visiting Dan. It was the day I just got there, and I was walking back and forth from the kitchen to the living room, when it occured to me that I'd only brought my backpack, meaning no rolling bag with baking supplies and such. Thoughts started going through my head of what that meant for the furmeet, but they were shortly replaced by thinking of what else I / we could do with the time. Nothing solid ever came from that, but the way the dream went just felt weird. When I was asleep, it was as if I was *there*. I did wake up briefly a couple times between, and the last time I woke up before the dream ended, it was as if the dream was entirely real. I had to specifically remember that I was laying in bed next to Jen, which was kind of disorienting for a few moments. That aside though, it was just kind of cold, because the window was open, and the fan was on the second speed, and the balcony door out in the living room was slightly open, but instead of forcing myself up to close those / turn the fan down, I just grabbed a second blanket. And it worked. Maybe it being cold is why Conner was legitimately crying when I woke up, though...

I suppose that's all I have to write for now, at any rate. Things I wanted to say have been said, I know exactly what I want to do next. Dishes, and then Evo's supposed to be over again today, and we're all going to be having supper cooked here. At least the kitchen will be clean~
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Date: Thursday, April 17th, 2014 - 11:35am
Subject: Another Dream-Based Entry
Security: Public
It's about 20 after 10 in the morning here, and by all means I should've just gone back to sleep after I finished up in the bathroom a few minutes ago, but I have to write about a dream I just woke up from, because it was... messed up. I guess I'm starting to get over it now, but it had me feeling somewhat disturbed for a few minutes even after I got up, which is indeed something.

In any case, the beginning of the dream slipped by in much the same fashion almost all of the rest of them that I remember do. There was no discernible lead-in, which is bothersome because I don't just want to jump right to the main bit. As that's all there is to do though, let me describe the outside of my parents' house. The front yard is mostly bare, after the tree in it was cut down several years ago. A new one is slowly growing in its place, but the familiar shade that I knew from it throughout my childhood is surely lost for the rest of my lifetime. Somewhat in front of that is the porch, with a lattice design in front, a brick wall, and several adornments such as a bench, stool, cactus (at least at some point), and a mailbox scattered about. To the left, you can see the driveway. Gravel - I've wondered infrequently throughout the years what it would be like to have a paved lane, but that must be expensive, and if you look back far enough, the garage. To the right, finally, one can only see back so far. It used to be that there was a small row of bushes separating the front yard from the back, which one could easily walk around, but when they rebuilt the Wellington Centre sometime ago, a proper fence was put up, and that path was completely blocked off. In front of the fence, one can find the air conditioner, and if the window is open, a fun way to mess with the cats. In back, there's an entrance into the crawlspace underneath the back porch, and little else apart from a most likely worn-away wooden cross where Cloudy (an old pet rabbit) was buried when she died, and more fence separating the apartment's "yard" next door from ours. Back when we were kids, you could just climb through the fence, and have a root through their dumpster, which was needless to say stupidly entertaining (I mean that!) back then, and occasionally you'd ind something mildly interesting. Enough build-up and description? I hope so.

The dream itself now concerned the right side of the house. Behind that fence (that is, the bit separating the front yard from the back), a secret was discovered. I don't know how, but a hole roughly similar in shape to a manhole was discovered in the ground, and the contents were quite disturbing. People. Not just nondescript dead people all tossed into a hole in the ground (although I suppose that would've been unsettling in and of itself), but something kind of like capsules. There was obviously some power source present, because each capsule was lit with a small light and a soft blue glow from some unseen source, and it was disturbing. For whatever reason, the only view I could get was from far up above, but even from there, I could see what looked like two capsules, one on the left, one on the right, and they went down farther than I could make out. Now, I don't know how that sounds or looks according to your own imagination, but in mine, it was incredibly creepy. Random hole in the ground of the yard in the house I grew up in filled with (hopefully) humans in suspended animation? What in the hell is that? Why does it exist? How long has it been there? I overheard at some point (a very brief part of the dream cut to me talking to Mom or Dad about it) that the authorities had determined it had been there for at least 30 years, adding another layer of unsettling-ness. You mean to tell me this... thing was there all throughout my childhood, and it wasn't until ~29 years later that anybody finally uncovered it? I don't know about you, but that's even worse, and was arguably the creepiest part of the dream. Just something about this completely unexpected discovery of unknown purpose and intent... Maybe fascinating in other circumstances, but there, it was definitely not. The best part though? Unless my imagination intentionally chose to just gloss over that detail, I don't remember anything being done about it. I talked to my parents, sure, and I'm still getting to what was said there, but I remember nothing about the police coming, nor an ambulance, nor *anything* really. For a discovery such as that, you'd expect some sort of public interest, but... I don't know. Maybe they were all stuck in the hole or something.

At any rate, what came from talking to my parents? Not much, sadly. That part of the dream consisted of us being at the Canada Trust out on St. Clair, and inexplicably driving further down the side street that you have to go down to get into the parking lot. I was trying to equate those people being in the capsules in the hole to torture. It made sense in my mind to think that it was, and I was trying to explain why we (or I, at least) found it so unnerving, by saying "Well, we're used to the idea of physical torture, but..." [what about psychological?], however, nothing ever came of that. Possibly of interest is how at that point in the dream, I was a small child, probably around grade-school age then. I don't get it, but I woke up pretty much right after that anyway, feeling thoroughly creeped out, and kind of resenting the fact that it was as early as it was, because I knew I would want to write, but also would've rather gone back to bed. Today is a day off for me again, and that's nice, because it's supposed to be really busy, but I can't just go back to sleep, because Jen has an appointment later, and I intend to help her with cleaning the living room up. Then her dad might be coming down to give Conner his Easter treats, and because she got money today, we may be going out after that. I myself have only about $30, so I'm not sure I'll go much of anywhere, but we'll see.

...and... that's lovely. I'm glad you're eating it, Butters, but...

She's a small cat, right? Pukes if she eats too much. Occasionally she pukes even when given a normal (for her) amount of food, and some of the time when she does, she'll just eat it again, because it looks like the reason she pukes is because she doesn't chew her food, so it's still all solid anyway. So she puked last night, but neither of us cleaned it up (yay for lazniess), and just now I see her pawing at it, licking it tentatively, and then eating a bit. Most of it is still there, but she's back to perching on the back of the couch, licking her paws. Cat...

I suppose I'll go find other things to do now though. I forgot how utterly stupid OmmWriter is with repeatedly task-switching, so I'm trying not to ALT-Tab out of it again, lest I lose my taskbar a second time. Then it's just a matter of waiting for half an hour to wake Jen up, and going from there. Maybe I can mess with Firefox some more. I decided to switch back to it, after determining that it was impossible to customize folder icons on the bookmark toolbar in Google Chrome, because I'm just fussy like that. I even finally set up a folder of daily bookmarks in Firefox too (so I don't have to type all the URLs in every time - [ddg visual styles 7] CTRL-T [lapfox.bandcamp.com] CTRL-T [lapfox.storenvy.com] CTRL-T [spiderwebsoftware.com] CTRL-T [starshipamazing.bandcamp.com]), so that's nice. But userChrome.css isn't, and as per usual, it's started already. Hopefully it'll be simpler this time though... Oh, and there's an ALT-Tab attempt. I suppose that should be enough for now~
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Date: Thursday, April 3rd, 2014 - 11:12am
Subject: The Path Just Ends...
Security: Public
It's about quarter to ten in the morning, and I really shouldn't be awake, because I have to be ready to be awake until at least 3am for work tomorrow, but I just had a really... interesting dream that I must write about.

So I'm at the Toronto Zoo, just walking around. I find my way to where there's a long, bendy, ascending wooden pathway rising up over trees and various animals' enclosures (tigers come to mind) down below. Not long before stepping onto that path, I notice that everything to my left is blue. Just sky blue, devoid of trees or animals or scenery or anything else of that sort. Unsettling as that was, I explained it to myself as being that that part of the zoo was under maintenance - they were just rebuilding it, and I had only never seen that before. Still, though, the feeling was decidedly uncomfortable. I didn't notice it at all in the dream, but it was as if to my right, things were as they should be, and to my left, the world just doesn't exist. Kind of fitting that I'm writing this in OmmWriter, and have my background set to the one that's lighter blue above some nondescript darker blue wave shape. I didn't notice that until just now either...

Anyway, I'm walking, looking down over the edges of the path to see if I can spot anything, when I see standing down on a little section of land that does exist *just* outside my point of view from the path, a couple of the zoo's staff. I shout to them "Hey, there's supposed to be a forest down there!", in largely an amused tone, but also with a slight tinge of apprehension, hoping that they'll be able to explain why just nothing whatsoever exists for as far as the eye can see over there. Their response? They didn't. Didn't look up, didn't give any indication that they heard me... Just stood there continuing to stare at whatever they were working on. I can't remember how that made me feel specifically, but I know I decided to just continue walking, and see what I might find. Continued normal world to my right, nonexistence (save for the color blue!) to my left, when suddenly I encountered an obstacle. Well, maybe it's not correct to say I encountered an obstacle when what I came across was the literal end of the path. The two sides (which were spread far enough apart to accommodate a full-sized vehicle previously) met at an abrupt point, and right at the tip of that point was either a telephone pole or a tree. If it was a pole, it started on level with the path, and went up from there, and if it was a tree, it grew through the path, and went up farther than I could tell. In both cases, I didn't care to look, because something at a great height + nothing else to focus on nearby = vertigo. Even then, the main point is I couldn't continue. The path just stopped. To make it worse, all I could see when I looked out from there was nothing. The land ended in a triangle similar to the path, so no matter where I looked, except to the right and behind me, I just saw the blue void.

I imagine I thought something like "Okay, that's not right", or "Creepy", but before I knew it, I was already headed back the other way. When the dream picked up again, I found myself at a crossroads. Everywhere I looked around me, there was land. I still knew from my prior experience that if I started to head back to where I was again, the world would again appear to fall away, and I was honestly quite relieved to be away from that. The problem I faced then was not knowing where to go. Directly behind me was the beginning of the wooden path I'd just come from. Directly ahead of me was forest. No disernible path through, and I didn't want to get lost if I could avoid it. To my right, I saw a footpath that roughly followed the wood path, except it went down along the ground, with a natural dip in the middle. Despite having had no indication prior (it was quite sunny in the dream before that), there was a reasonable covering of snow on the ground, and I could see footprints all along up and down that path. In spite of there being no direct indication of it though, I somehow knew it was a zoo staff-only path. Maybe because of seeing those couple people standing somewhere along it while I was up on the wooden walkway... I just didn't want to go down it if avoidable either though, so as to avoid trouble. That meant my only option was to the look to the left, where I found a proper footprints-in-snow-covered path weaving through trees. It still didn't seem entirely right to think that I should walk through it, but as the conclusion I eventually came to went, it was my only choice.

I'm walking along just normally, and after a bit, the path widens out. I took that as a good sign, assuming it must mean I was getting closer to the zoo's entrance, even though I still hadn't seen and couldn't see any signs or markings to help that thought along. What did, however, was seeing a person off to my right. They were jumping along kind of oddly, and once again, I, being so unassuming, jumped to the conclusion that they must work at the zoo. I was glad to have come to that conclusion when they noticed me (perhaps I should note that by that point, I was pretty much walking on all fours for some inexplicable reason), and began racing in my direction, brandishing a wooden spear. Said spear was thrust at my face when they got close enough to leap forward, but they stopped just an inch short, which I took as completely normal, and didn't faze me at all. Now, any reasonable person in that situation would ask this other person for directions / assistance. How to get out of the zoo, why there's literal nothingness as far as the eye can see some distance back from their current location, why they're jumping around threatening people with a wood spear, or perhaps the most bleeding obvious, what it is with a zoo that you've been in for a considerable amount of time to have seen no animals, but I took a different approach. Oh, indeed I did. My semi-conscious brain (that is, the one inside of the me that was laying in bed asleep in real life) decided the best, most reasonable angle would be to consult and offer them suggested improvements on their acting performance. I've seen or heard this done in real life - I know it - but as I can't remember where, my general process was to ask them how they felt about how they were acting, and what they would change if their performance was up to them (within reasonable limits). At first, this person seemed unwilling to consider the idea of change. They told me they were happy acting the way their employer wanted them to, but I asked again. Setting aside their employer's wishes, if their act was up to them, what would they do differently? He tilted his head up, scratched his chin, and thought for a moment, before coming up with a different answer. These words aren't exact, but "I suppose I'd try to be more like Shrek", he said, before mimimg a more playful approach to sneaking up on people. He seemed to understand the idea of trying something different, and I said nothing more to him, only thinking an encouraging "Good!", before continuing on my way. I walked for a little while longer, then started wondering if I'd see the snow leopards at some point. I should mention again that I had yet to actually see any animals. I knew I was in the zoo. That much was undisputable, but apart from some vaguely familiar surroundings, it could've been any other wilderness. As if on cue, however, when I thought about the big cats, a couple came racing by, not terribly close, but still just off to my side. They didn't stop, and indeed, why should they have, and I took it as just completely normal and expected. "Why should I get anything from them now?" I thought. It was no different than any time I've actually seen them at the zoo.

Past that, I don't remember much else. I woke up, somewhat surprised to find myself in bed, thought about the dream, wanted to write about it, realized I had to go to the bathroom first, and... here I am. I'm still pretty tired, so I think I might actually go back to bed. We're supposed to be going out to Giant Tiger and Dollarama later, then having Evo over for supper at some point after that, and as stated at the beginning of this, I do want to be up until at least 3am, and that's not going to happen under the current circumstances. But first, I want to send an email about an order for a few things I placed a week ago. It's for a site that Jen showed me initially, which I ordered from for the first time then. My first order went fine, but the second one has been "In Warehouse for Packing" for a week now. Yeah. Hopefully the administrative address proves more useful than the contact form on the website. That'll be all for now though. I've accomplished what I wanted, so hopefully I can just entirely pass out and wake up feeling completely rested. That'd be nice~
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Date: Monday, March 17th, 2014 - 1:30pm
Subject: It's Time to Write Again
Security: Public
I feel rather worked up just now. It's a few minutes after noon, and while I wouldn't normally be awake at this time, circumstances are different today. For one, Conner woke me up banging a toy around in his room. I took it from him, he objected (via crying / screaming), and I retaliated by putting some corn puffs in the empty Kleenex box Jen gave him, which seems to have him occupied. For two, we both laid down early (~2:30am) last night, partly for utter lack of anything better to do, and partly because Jen had an appointment in the morning, and wanted to get a decent amount of sleep.

Last week at this time, I was probably still in bed, feeling not overly great. I remember walking home from work on Sunday night, and having that stuffy nose / sore throat sort of feeling, and sure enough, come morning, it was all the worse. Jen was out running some errands with her mom, and I, after a minimal (compared to the usual) amount of deliberating, picked up the phone and called work to say I wouldn't be in. As you might see from there, I was sick, so Jen got sick, and while I'm feeling largely better now, she's not quite there yet. Part of me actually wonders if her being sick is anything similar to Manoah, in that smoking will make it take longer for them to get better, but either way, she's still sick today. That's the reason she cancelled her appointment, and as of this moment, she's still off in the bedroom, sleeping, and I'm out here in the living room... listening to Conner continue to bounce around excitedly, and make noises that I really wish he wouldn't because he's going to wake her up.

That's all well and good, but why am I worked up, you might ask? Just because of the way today is turning out. Not really having anything to do last night (I / we could've washed the dishes, but Conner was sleeping directly in front of the door to his room, and we didn't want to wake him up), my mind started wandering off to other certain things that could be done. We could even have done them together, barring Jen not feeling well, but even that can be worked around. She wanted to lay down early though, as noted above, and I did so with her, figuring that at best, I could wait until she'd fallen asleep and do whatever, and at worst, wait until she'd headed out for her appointment in the morning. Yeah, it's come up plenty of times in the past, and regardless of her mood, things usually happen, even if just for me, but I don't like it when that's all that happens.

In an unrelated direction, I'm also worked up due to lack of emails. All weekend I've been waiting for shipping confirmation of a few things. I decided sometime on Saturday that I wasn't seeing those because it was the weekend, and people didn't ship then, but even now that it's Monday, all I've gotten are a spam email, and some message from PlayStation Japan. Perhaps later? Yeah, perhaps, but it was frustrating to wake up and still not see anything. I'm also waiting for a reply to a commission-related email. The artist told me back on... the 13th that they'd added the details I requested, and would get back to me "asap". It's three days later, and I guess they're just really busy. It's kind of funny though. Back when the commission first started, the guy was all apologetic about a couple days' delay in replying, and I tried to tell him it was okay by explaining that I'm used to it with commissions. He said he hoped that he hadn't added to those experiences, and I assured him that he hadn't, and even though I do still feel that same way, it really makes me wonder if I'm not to blame in some way as well. He promised me a free picture for the delay some time ago, and it's just things like that. I really do appreciate it, but when the main commission remains to be completed, it's hard to emphasize something coming after.

I wonder what work tonight will be like? I work 5-close, and Orlando is the closing manager, so that's good, but I'm really not terribly excited for the shift itself, after the way the past several have gone. To go back as far as Wednesday night, it was quite slow then. I think because of the weather, but just when I walked in there, pretty much everything was done, and I was fine with that considering I still wasn't feeling very well. I had Thursday off, as I always do, and it began with some excitement when I woke up to find an email from Michele saying the kits hadn't come in, due to the snow. Then came the weekend though, and some rapid change in everything. It was busy. On Friday night, it took all the effort I could muster to get the dishes done to a point where, at the end of the night, we just had all the usual end-of-the-night dishes and other chores, instead of having some of it caught up already. It took us until about quarter to four to get out. On Saturday, I got a ride to work, because Linda had money for me. She wanted to drop me off at 7:15, but I asked for 7:00, so I'd be there early, in case it was still busy, and they wanted me to start early. Manoah was just coming outside when we pulled up, so I went over and talked to him, and could just see how tired he was in the look on his face. He laughed about something or another that one of us said, but apart from that, he was just ready to be done. He apologized for all the dishes at the back, explaining that they'd been busy all day, and I told him it was alright, picturing something not any more worse than Friday night, and said that I could probably just start early and get some of them done. When I walked in, I found considerably more than I'd imagined. And I still got them all done before 10:00, when Tom's shift (he was on drive through) ended. It took me being back there while they were however busy up front, but they got done, and because of that, and other efforts (even though Orlando told me I was working too hard, and to take a break), we were out at about 3:20. Yesterday night was probably the best of the three, but it didn't start out that way. Just... everything about the night, but once it started getting going, I noticed Jeremy was at the back getting alot of the dishes caught up, leaving the most annoying thing to be how customers came for the entire night in groups of three or four. I'm just getting tired, and I want / need a day off, but even that won't be quite what it sounds like.

To make up for not going to Heart and Stroke at all last week, I told Michele I could help out from 2-8pm on both Tuesday and Thursday this week. It'll be fine, I'm sure, and at least for Tuesday, I have something in mind to do afterward to make it special, but it's a bit daunting when I've only slept in one day this past week, and that was 'til 1:30pm. The more I think about it though, the more I realize it'll probably be nice to have work to do that doesn't involve rushing around and trying / hoping to get everything caught up by a certain time. There is rushing involved, yes, but the difference is that I don't expect to get all my work done in one day. If only actual work could have the same rollover idea...

There are a couple dreams from last night that I want to write about now, mostly because of the proper dream-within-a-dream feeling. I don't remember feeling like I dreamt the actual dreams, but I do remember dreaming that I'd woken up and was telling Jen about them, only to wake up again after that.

three in hereCollapse )

About the only other thing I can think of now is that I should take some time to myself to relax / eat something / shave before I leave for work. It's already 1:30, and I'm still writing this... I know I want to go to the bank before work to deposit the money Linda gave me, but I also want to call the house to ask if there's any mail for me, and if there is, run by there before work to pick it up. Oh, and it's St. Patrick's day today, meaning that if I want to go look for certain similarly-themed things, today is the last chance I have, and I should go there before work too. It's going to be a full day by the end, huh? I'm sure it'll be nice though~
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Date: Friday, March 7th, 2014 - 1:11am
Subject: Money, Heart and Stroke, and Wenches
Security: Public
I feel mildly stressed out over money-related things again. Funny to think that just a week ago at this time, I was completely fine. Had ~$900 in my checking account, with every intention to spend minimally until my next pay, but other expenses came along.

unspecific cut for lengthCollapse )

Is there anything to say about the rest of the night? Following Heart and Stroke, I got a ride down to Giant Tiger from Michele and her daughter, walked over to the house to collect internet money from Adam and Naomi, and then walked back home, which involved some being nonsensically annoyed with the wind. Every time I'd walk around from being some buildings, there'd be a gust in my face, and I wasn't very impressed.

...
...

Butters! Those chips were for Conner! Wench!

...
...

Seriously, Conner woke up not too long ago, and in hopes of delaying him starting crying and waking Jen up, I gave him some chips. He wasn't too interested, but they were down in the corner by his door. What do I hear just now but crunching. And not the "Conner's eating" sort of crunching. The same kind of crunching I heard when there was a mysterious sound earlier, and I went out to find Butters eating more of the same chips directly from the little container that was on the floor. I know there are more where they came from, but seriously, cat. I haven't given you a scoop yet because I'm still writing. And it's only 1:00. You can wait a bit longer, can't you?

...apparently that's about all of particular interest I have to say for right now, hmm? I should probably respond to a commission-related message on Jen's Furaffinity account while the computer isn't in use. Then find something else to do. At least coming out here has proven useful. It's a nice change of pace, and I really ought to do it more often~
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Date: Monday, February 24th, 2014 - 5:38am
Subject: Entry While Jen's Asleep~
Security: Public
...tired... Had pizza for supper (6 pieces?), plus 4 or 5 of Jen's wings... Bottle of Pepsi... Then I decided an hour or so later that chocolate milk sounded nice. One carton of that too. Why do I do this to myself? Oh, right, because I wanted to surprise her. That's still worth it. I called her from work tonight about five minutes before we closed, and it wasn't long before I said "I'm hungry" and she said "I'm hungry too". I teased her by suggesting how tasty pizza and wings from Pizza Tonite would be, and she agreed, largely because she's been up since 9~10am, and an easy supper was preferable, then it was midnight, and I had to go do closing-related things, but the idea was already in my head: call Pizza Tonite right before we (Gabby and I) left, ask for my order to be delayed about half an hour, and conveniently have it arrive not long after I got home. It worked, too. I had just enough time to run out the garbage / cardboard and check the mail, then tell her about a couple things from the beginning of the night tonight, and the phone rang. She was confused, and by the second ring I was concerned that she wasn't going to answer, so I hurriedly told her "Let him in!", and that was that. We ate, watched an episode of Hell's Kitchen, she did a couple things out at her computer, laid down, and now I'm the only one awake.

For the most part, I've been doing just one thing: messing with Thunderbird. I can't remember exactly the thought process that led to it, but earlier today I was yet again considering moving from Firefox (Palemoon, technically) to exclusively Google Chrome. Problem is Chrome doesn't (so far as I know) have an RSS reader that's similar to Firefox's Live Bookmarks. Looking into a proper standalone feed reader came to mind as an alternative, but I didn't want some online solution, so I went to Google. Some random program came up first, but a comment on that page suggested Thunderbird, and... here we are. I have both my main email (into which all my alternate addresses are linked) and RSS feeds set up in it, and... it's nice. Breaking the habit of compulsively switching to Firefox (sorry, Palemoon) and hitting CTRL+2 is going to take a bit of time, but it really is a nice overall solution. One thing I would still like is for there to be a version 24.3.0-compatible menu editor extension released, because I surely don't need all of the context menu items, but the program itself is set up how I want it. userChrome.css tweaks have even started already, too. Thus far only a simple .tabs-alltabs-button {display: none !important;}, but if that says only one thing, it's that there will be more. I even wonder if that shouldn't be #tabs-alltabs-button[...], because if you click the button, a little menu appears, but... I don't care to find out right now.

Are there other things to talk about? I could be sure there were when I started, but I haven't a clue what they are now. I could go to sleep, considering I work 7 - close tomorrow, but not yet. Why not talk about work even? It's been going a little better than pretty decently lately. Some nights still start out in a difficult way, but by the end, I'm usually feeling good about how things have turned out. Both Friday and Saturday this past weekend, I was left (at 10 on Friday, and 8 on Saturday) with a couple to several hours of dishes piled up at the back (thanks, supper staff! I know it's busy but you could at least try FRS...), but despite the unfavorable odds, I got them caught up in plenty of time both nights. Tonight (Sunday), it seemed like I'd still have a fair few ahead of me, but my brain is used to only starting at 8 or 5 (a significant 3 hours earlier) on Sunday - not 7 - and Jeremy ended up not being done 'til 8, so he did most of the dishes, and Cheryl, Gabby, and I ran around and got other things caught up. By ~9:30, we were all done and had a good hour with very few customers to walk around and not do a whole lot, but I was still productive. You see, I still start my nights out by collapsing all the cardboard and taking it out before I change into my uniform. That way I don't have to worry about being sidetracked onto something else, and I'm not just standing there either. Tonight, however, pop was running out. Diet Pepsi, and iced tea, and regular Pepsi, and root beer, and mountain dew... Jeremy and I brought all of them in from the shed, then he had customers, so I (still while in my non-work clothes) proceeded to change all of those pops, then took out the cardboard, and then still had enough time to grab a fork and fry box to have piece of the lemon-meringue pie Cheryl brought in. A pretty good night overall, and the rushed walk home to ensure I had time to do other things before pizza arrived was a nice end as well...

...that previous paragraph is pretty disjointed, huh? Maybe that's a sign I should go to sleep... I suppose I'll at least try, because I can't think of anything else to write, and can't see anything else to do... Well, there is one thing that requires getting up, but I can do that once I post this. Until next time~
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Date: Tuesday, February 11th, 2014 - 6:44am
Subject: ...that's certainly a first...
Security: Public
It's almost 6am here, and for lack of better things to do, but not being tired enough to sleep, I put on some music on my laptop (I have earphones plugged in), laid back, and just listened. A short time later, I had to go to the bathroom. Cue unplugging my laptop, carefully standing up, and taking the entire thing with me, music still playing. Yay. I really should try to lay down soon, but the tiredness just isn't quite there yet...

Earlier today (too early by our standards), we had that unit inspection that I wrote about previously. Got up at 8:30 to have time to get things ready, brought Conner out to the living room around 9, and then... sat for nearly three hours. Yeah. It was nice when they finally came, and in a way curiously interesting for watching Richard take a seemingly routine walk around a room, note things that needed fixing, then head on to the next. A joke was made about how people on the other floors must have been literally rushing through the apartments, because they seemingly made it through three or four in the time it took Richard and whoever his coworker was to look through ours, but after all that was said and done, they left to continue to the next unit, and we went back to doing things as normal. Well, I laid down in bed, but Jen decided to take advantage of having already been up all night to just stay up for the rest of the day (and night), and thus be up early the following day (Tuesday), which'll be helpful because she has an appointment. I, on the other hand, slept 'til 5, which is probably the reason I'm still awake now. While sleeping, I had an interesting (albeit distressing at the time) dream, which I remember as follows

i haven't used one of these in a while...Collapse )

At any rate, I woke up at 5 as stated, to a quiet apartment, as Jen had gone out shopping with her mom. She got back home pretty quickly though, and the rest of the afternoon before I left for work was me laying in bed watching Fringe and eating chocolate, and her being busy in the kitchen making taco salad dip. Then it was off to work, for a reasonably good night. I wasn't sure what to expect, after the last time Manoah and I closed together, but nothing of note happened tonight, and he in fact even revealed (in no way that made it seem secret) one of the reasons he might have been in a bad mood before. Counting what he owes me, he's currently in debt on the low end of five digits. Yep. As I told Jen, I'd be pretty miserable too. Him aside though, work itself wasn't terribly busy, and I was able to get done everything I wanted to. Including yet another tray of sour cream, which is probably becoming unnecessary. You see, for some reason, my focus changed a couple months ago from prioritizing extra cleaning, to putting prep first. On slow weekend nights, I'll bag all the twists that are in bus bins, and put those bags back in the bins so the openers have an easier time. I'll also prep sauces, or pull torts, or, obviously, do up a tray of sour cream. Yesterday, Patience did one at ~9pm, and I did another around 10:30. Trays of sour cream are, by our standards, good for 24 hours. When I left tonight, Manoah was still using the tray that should've gone off at 9pm. I'm not sure how many bottles were left, but that means at lunchtime tomorrow (if not a little later in the afternoon, depending on how busy they are), they'll more than likely be using sour cream that's past its use-by time for twelve hours. Now, it stands to reason that there's some grace time - just because the sticker says a bottle expires on a certain day doesn't mean it isn't good past then - but it makes me feel kind of wrong at the same time. Maybe I should excuse myself on the grounds that tonight, I asked Manoah if he wanted that tray done up, and he said yes. But that doesn't work, because I should be the one to look in the walk-in first, and let him know how many trays / bottles there are to still use. Work things. Yay.

Moving onto more general things, a song on the radio gave me the idea to listen to music on the way home. It's been way too long since I've done that, and I thought it would make for a nicer walk, since I'd be going on my own. Ever since Orlando came back as a manager, he and I have been walking home together when he closes, and I've come to enjoy that, because it's nice to just talk and relax after a night at work. Since that wasn't possible tonight though, I listened to music as just stated, and it was... interesting. The album I chose was Ever After by Marianas Trench, which may not stand out very much to anybody else, but is (or was) significant to Jen and I, because I first discovered / got into it back when things between us now were at their very beginnings. Because of things that happened back then, I couldn't listen to it for the longest time because of awkward and uncomfortable memories, but apparently something's changed now. Strangely though, when I first set out, the music brought to mind not memories of things past between Jen and I, but something in Toronto. Specifically, being on the bus to Mississauga / Square One with Dan, hoping eagerly that the store he said sold giant plush animals would still be in business. I've been thinking about things there rather frequently lately, actually. About how it would be fun to go back, but how I haven't talked to him in so long that it'd be chiefly selfish of me to send him a message just in hopes of arranging another visit, as well as things we did before (venturing through the tunnels downtown, for example), and things that I'd like to do again if I ever went back. I keep telling myself that if that ever happened, the only way I'd go is if Jen was able to come with me, but the idea of even approaching her Mom about taking Conner for two or three full days overrules that, and I'm right back to where I started. Maybe I could go on my own. It'd certainly be worth consideration if I were to ever find myself in that position again, but there's still no way of telling how that would go. Getting back to music though, it was really nice for a while, but eventually frustrating. I decided to take a slightly longer route home, so I could listen for that much longer, but as soon as I turned down onto another street, every twenty or so steps some button on my PSP would get nudged, and the music would start fast-forwarding. Even with the remote lock on. Maybe what I need to do is remove whatever plugin it is that turns the screen off when the power lock is turned on. That music is the same thing that I was listening to prior to the start of this entry though. I've yet to make it through the entire album (which is a shame, because I seem to recall "No Place Like Home" being really nice), but yeah... music. Fun.

What else can I do here now? It's surprisingly only 6:30, and Jen's still fast asleep (although she stirred a few minutes ago, and I got right in close and whispered "magma" (an inside joke), causing her to repeat it to herself amusedly several times), and I still feel reasonably awake, but I can't think of much that I can do. Possibly go get my box of things from out in the living room and put them back where they were before the inspection, or just lay here and tidy up my desktop (I have more room now that Jen's rolled over and said something about "taste this..."). I feel like there's at least one other thing I meant to write about, but I can't remember anything else right now. Oh well. For now, I'm off to see what the time between here and whenever I get tired enough to lay down brings. Quite possibly nothing. Or everything. Magma~
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Date: Tuesday, February 4th, 2014 - 5:53pm
Subject: Random Update for February
Security: Public
Let's see how far I get with this...

Jen's gone out. Has some errands to run, including shopping for a few groceries and going to TekSavvy. Normally I would've gone along and at least picked up a few things at Dollarama, but I'm currently trying to save money. In addition to Valentine's Day coming up, Conner has an appointment in London next Wednesday. Nothing directly related to me, yes, but the moment I heard about that (a month or however long ago it actually was), I got all excited for the prospect of going with them. Asked Mary for the day off, started thinking about where I could go... all that. As it is now right now though, I might be going. So long as I have the day off when that week's schedule is made up. If so, well, the possibilities are pretty much the same as when I went there myself before. Numerous Dollaramas, Dollar Tree, White Oaks Mall, and whatever other places may come to mind. Problem is I'd have only about an hour while they were at the hospital, and because it's somewhat... removed from the cluster of stores encompassing White Oaks Mall and Dollar Tree, my options will be limited. I guess I could just walk around too. That would be nice. Another benefit to going would be that if I'm able to come, we'd all be going out for supper (my presence is necessary because I'm the only one who has a little disposable income), and that would be a really nice end to the day, considering Jen's offhandedly mentioned a couple times that this will be Conner's last appointment up there. Doesn't stop me from going on my own in the future, yes, but it wouldn't be the same. Stepping back from that, if I do on the other hand get scheduled to work that day, Jen's mom said I should get my shift changed to 8-close (if it isn't already), because we could still do everything and be back in time. Something to look forward to? Yes, but I'm trying not to overthink it too much.

In terms of other things, I suppose the first that comes to mind is that we've both been really bored lately. Kind of a funny thing to mention, yes, but it's noticeable because of how often it happens. For today, I have something to do eventually (sort out boxes in the storage closet), but for the moment am writing this, and once finished will be returning to watching Bar Rescue and doing whatever on my laptop, but what if she wants to use the PS3 when she gets home? Obviously that's fine, and I could return to watching House on my laptop with earphones (I'm about a season ahead of her, so to go without would spoil some things), but the boredom is just bothersome in general. Going back a couple weeks, I made a point of having some task in mind for each day off, so I could do that an not just feel like I'd been sitting around for the better part of the day afterward, but such as it is now, there isn't a whole lot I can think of to do. There's a unit inspection coming up Monday (purportedly for the sake of finding anything that needs maintenance), so cleaning up for that needs to be done, and that's something I could easily think about for later. I should head over to the house as well, because I had an email from Naomi when I got home from work last night to say that she had internet money for me, and there may be a package to pick up too, but that seems a bit far. I work 5-close tomorrow, so maybe I should leave at ~3:30 and head by there first. Maybe. Speaking of which, work...

Things have actually been overall decent lately. The past weekend was for the most part mind-numbingly boring (for lack of customers), but the shifts themselves are going well, and there's nothing to really complain about. Nothing, that is, except for Manoah. Back on the Monday before last (the 27th), we were both working 5-close. Later on at night, a customer wanted a couple Mexican Pizzas, but there weren't enough pizza shells, so he (Manoah) asked me if I thought I should fry up a package, and those were his exact words. Also of note is how at the same time, he asked me to make a chili mix, which is easy, and I was in the process of doing when he noticed the lack of shells. I told him (in an entirely flat tone of voice - no form of "attitude") that if he would finish making the chili and give the order out when it was done, I'd just fry the entire package of shells, and be done with it. He said nothing, but did as requested / suggested. Then, another customer pulled up to the speaker, so I had no choice but to go down and answer it. Manoah was down in drive through too, giving the order that was ready out, and I noticed he hadn't grabbed the sauces I had set out for it. I told him (once again flatly, with maybe only the slightest edge of wanting to help) that the sauces were just there, but he either ignored me or didn't hear me. Then I noticed he hadn't grabbed the forks or knives either, and said about the same thing as before. He proceeded to start yelling (more just speaking quite firmly / slightly angrily, in fairness), saying that the forks / knives / sauces in the containers next to the till were there to be used, in reference to my taking all of those out of the boxes they come in, in order to save time not having to restock drive through at the end of the night. At some point I told him that I was just trying to save time / help him out, even, but he wasn't having any of it, saying that he wasn't crew, and I had no right to speak to him with that tone. We went back and forth for a bit, me trying to explain myself and him repeating what he'd already said, and I finally decided that the spat wouldn't end otherwise, and told him "I'm sorry for the misunderstanding". Did he say anything of the sort? No, and I wasn't about to waste my time and be yelled at again for asking what the problem was afterward, so I just stayed out of his way for the rest of the night. About the only other thing I said to him directly was "Is there anything else you want done?" after I'd swept but before I clocked out. Following that, I changed quickly, took out all the cardboard and garbage, and left without another word. He was in 'til 5 yesterday, and was his usual chipper self again, but at least for the time being, I don't trust him. What did I do wrong? Tell him to finish making the chili and give the order out, or not take sauces and cutlery from the plastic containers? The more I think about it, it's probably the former, but if he's not going to explain nor say anything about it after the night in question, I'm just going to be done with it. I've just done four closes with Gabby, and have another five with Orlando coming up. Those should be better.

At any rate, that's probably enough for now. I'm not sure how much longer Jen will be, and I'd like to be done this before she gets home. Maybe I'll even start on organizing boxes before she gets back. I have snacks to eat first though. I love you (that's directed to a specific "you"), and... that'll be all~
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Date: Monday, December 23rd, 2013 - 3:33am
Subject: All On My Own
Security: Public
Time for another random update, because the circumstances tonight are unusual, and I might as well take advantage of not knowing what else to do.

About an hour ago now (2am), Jen left with her mom to take Conner to the hospital. For the better part of a week now, he's been on and off not quite himself, and today, he developed a raspy, worrisome cough. She suspects pneumonia, because Evo's come down with an apparently bad case of it, and was over a couple times recently, and would rather have gone tonight instead of the morning, so as to not have to wait as long. I'm not sure how that'll turn out, but I do know I'm hoping they're back before I go to sleep. I'm not feeling overly great myself, but I've yet to pinpoint the exact cause of that. We had to wake up early today to go to Wallaceburg for her dad's Christmas, so there's that (the waking up early) as one possibility, but the other is that having been in close proximity to both Evo and Conner, I've come down with some degree of illness myself. My throat feels kind of sore, and I'm more drowsy than I'd normally be at this time in the morning, not to mention (although these are likely unrelated) I have a sore bump right on the tip of my tongue, and my entire mouth doesn't... taste normal. It's like a slight chemical-y taste that won't go away (although I've yet to try brushing my teeth), and my front teeth (if not others) are more sensitive than they'd normally be. I figure having slept eventually will sort out whether this is getting better or worse, but until then, it would suck if we were all getting sick just in time for Christmas.

When it comes to things for Wednesday, I think we're almost ready. The only things Jen has left to wrap are for Conner, and she said earlier that she might just not wrap them, while I want to go to Walmart after work tomorrow for something edible for everybody (that was supposed to happen tonight, but was set aside when making a trip to the hospital came up), and then just have those as well as four or five small things to wrap. Christmas Eve day (health permitting) will see us doing all our usual things in spite of previous uncertainty, and then there's Christmas Day, which I've yet to decide on. To put it simply, everybody at the house wants to wake up earlier than I would prefer in order to open gifts. Do I try to wake up at a suitable time - 8 or 9am - or do I try to just stay awake all night and day? Better yet, why not attempt waking up early on Christmas Eve day (which would help because I have a cheesecake pie and cheesecake to make before we head out, as well as a kitchen to clean), and use that to go to bed early that night, and wake up early Christmas Day? Probably the latter, but it's a slight bother either way. Also on the topic of Christmas is things today, and they went overall pretty well. I'm still annoyed with myself for my attitude just after I woke up (I felt it was an inconvenience to me personally that we had to get ready earlier than anticipated), but that went away, and things in Wallaceburg were fun and nice.

To go on a slight unrelated tangent, I remember going to the city for a field trip or something in public school. The only thing I remember about said trip now is seeing a bridge that we didn't have to go over, but which I wanted to traverse, because it was a bridge, and seemed interesting. I got over it quickly, and that remained as a faint memory up until today. As we were driving in, I wondered if we would see and possibly even cross over that bridge. Further into the city we went, and then, it was in sight! Right there in front of us, and I got somewhat excited, but... we turned. At the street right. before. the. same. exact. bridge. Disappointment? Yes. I still got over it before we even turned into the parking lot, but indeed. At any rate, things at Dave and Fawn's place were good and fun, but there were a couple points of note. After unwrapping of gifts, I was smelling the candle Jen gave Fawn, because it smelled good enough to eat, and commented that I could buy one for myself when we went to Walmart. She (Jen) looked at me and after a moment said "Don't ruin it!" I immediately figured she must have intended to buy / bought one for me already, and felt bad about that, but before a proper explanation of what she meant was offered to the other people around, Marlena (her brother's wife) said / asked (in a hushed voice) "...so you guys get kinky huh?", and just... I'm sorry, but what? Where does that idea come from? I'll admit that my mind when racing immediately trying to figure out what she meant by it, which is why it's still on my mind, but it came right out of nowhere. I doubt I'll ever get an answer, so to move onto the other thing, by the end of the night, I'd worked myself into a slightly foul mood. You see, Jen got a new camera for Christmas. That's not a big surprise, but what was was her dad randomly giving her a small tripod to go with it. I know she would / will probably let me use it as soon as I have some need, but right then my mindset was more "...what about me?" As far as gifts go, they gave me a $20 Walmart card and a box of dark chocolates, and I have no issue with that, but yeah. I'd like to just be randomly given something, but at the same time, I hate myself for thinking that. It's quite the conflicted feeling.

About the only other thing of note about the night is how coming back home, we drove down St. Clair. It was about 10:20pm, so as we drove past work, I glanced over to see how busy it was, and to my surprise and continued intrigue, the place was completely dark. Parking lot empty, front sign off - closed. To my knowledge, the only days we have different hours for are Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day, and New Year's Eve and Day, so what happened? Could either Danny or Tom not make it in, and nobody else was available to close? There were no other messages on the answering machine, so I don't know what to think. Possibly related as well is that yesterday (Saturday), I brought my gift for Manoah in thinking I would have time to give it to him. He wasn't there, having gone home early, so I gave it to Mary, and she put it in the office. I then called five times between ~1 and 2pm this afternoon, and nobody picked up. Manoah was supposed to open, so maybe he couldn't, and nobody else was available, so the store wasn't even opened? It's far-fetched to think that, but I have no way of knowing until tomorrow.

I'm not sure what else to write about now though... Options are watching random things online, organizing my desktop, playing Super Mario 3D Land or Wind Waker HD, or just going to bed early. The WiiU gamepad needs to charge for now, so I suppose I'll content myself with watching things. Until next time, Merry (early) Christmas to anybody reading this, and my next update will probably come in the new year~
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Date: Saturday, November 23rd, 2013 - 2:59pm
Subject: About Christmas, and Going Out
Security: Public
I want to write something in here, but what can I write about? I suppose there are a few things that come to mind, so let's see what we have.

I want to start out with Christmas stuff, which is essentially saying gifts are coming together nicely, and other plans are still slightly confusing at this point. Unsurprisingly, I have quite a few items for Jen, but I think my list is getting to be well-rounded aside from her too. I have five items for Mom, none for Dad (he was vague / didn't volunteer many actual suggestions, but I should get to buying what I intend to get for him...), two for Adam, technically two for Naomi (one still has to be ordered, and the other, shipped / received), two for Ericka, three for Conner, three for Trish, two proper gifts and an idea for Evo, four things for both Jen and myself, one and an idea for Jen's mom, and one for Manoah. We also have something for Jen's brother and his wife, so all in all, there's a fair bit. I'm rather pleased with myself this year too, in that I've been keeping up on my wrapping. Come Monday or some other early close / day off after that, I'd like to do more, but until then, that's going well. As for plans next month, it's just because of having more Christmas-y things going on now. Presumably sometime during the week leading up to Christmas, Jen's dad is having a get-together down in Wallaceburg. On Christmas Eve, we may be going to her mom's house first, then to Evangel for the Carols by Candlelight thing, then off to Aunt Marie and Uncle Mark's for snacks and more getting together. Following that is Christmas day, whereupon we'll probably be waking up too early so Conner can open his presents and opening a few presents of our own, getting a bleary-eyed ride over to the house to open gifts there, as well as a majority of the presents I have wrapped here, and then we'll be off to her mom's house for the rest of the day. I'm not sure what'll be happening following that, but yeah. Also in the same month is my birthday, which I already have several days booked off for, and an idea I proposed to have everybody (that is, everybody from my family) over here one night to play games and enjoy some snacks. I quite like the idea, as only Mom has been up here so far, and it would be fun to show everybody around here. We've only briefly discussed what might happen on my birthday, but with having a few proper days booked off for it, I'm sure we'll be able to come up with some... enjoyable plans. Unfortunately, the one thing we won't be able to do is go out to Walmart after midnight. It seems this year they're only open 24 hours from the 21st to 23rd. I still intend to go, if not all three nights, at least two, but that kind of sucks.

We went out on our second official date last Thursday. Seems slightly silly to think of it as a date when everything either of us can find implies that we feel / act toward each other as if we've been in a relationship for a solid number of years, but I'm okay with that. I think it was even brought up back when things first started. I'd rather dispense with the whole "Let me impress and woo you over" thing. I like you, and you like me. What else is required? At any rate, we did go out, and it was fun, although not everything I'd hoped for. I had personally wanted to go to a couple specialty stores along Grand Ave, but by the time we made it out, in combination with the slight rain, it made more sense to just ask for a ride. Eventually? For certain, and Roy knows I could do with delay getting those items considering how heavy my two boxes of them are already, but yeah. We started with Target, walked back to Pet Valu (Bruce was cute <3), then to Dollarama, and finally Canadian Tire. From there, we walked over to Lucky In(n) for supper, had an unexpected conversation with the waitress about unusual customers (apparently some guy who goes there regularly always asks for half a lemon to eat at the end of his meal, as well as some person who wants broccoli fried in beef, but without the beef...), got a ride all the way out to Walmart to look for Christmas things, and then finally went home. Quite a fun and full day overall, and I noticed and really like how I'm very, so incredibly close to just being naturally comfortable with her about certain things. If nothing else, her reaction to something I showed her the other night says more than enough. Getting back to Thursday though, following arriving at home, I within the hour fell asleep for a short nap, talked to her for a bit after waking up, and then set about tidying up the place a bit, because things in general were getting to be a mess. I condensed (that is, either gave to her or set aside for donation) some of another one of my personal items, and she gave me some of hers which I really, really liked (mind you, they aren't the same sort of thing to her that they are to me), and just generally made things tidier. It was a good feeling, and a nice ending to the day.

I think for now though, mainly because I want to finish writing this before she wakes up, I'm going to end this and call the house to see about getting a ride out somewhere (possibly Christmas-related) before work. I'm obviously not sure when the next time I'll write in here is, but I'm sure I'll have more to say before too long. Until then~
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Date: Saturday, October 19th, 2013 - 4:32pm
Subject: Something Different to Do
Security: Public
I should be doing productive things right now. Possibly reach way up behind me and check my white board list of things to do for something to work on, or get up and grab my 3DS and play / work on Mario and Luigi (Dream Team) some more, or even (but not likely) find some nibbly things, and watch more of this GTA Vice City 100% playthrough. I don't know, but the main fact is that Squeeze (I really need to ask if she would still prefer me to use that name online) is still asleep, and I don't want to wake her up, and yes.

Yesterday at this time, we were just sitting around trying to find something to do, and eventually settled on making some food (hot turkey sandwiches with leftovers from Thanksgiving), and watching an episode of Hell's Kitchen. Fine, yes? It would seem so, but not a moment after I finished making my sandwich and sat down in front of the computer to open the episode, the phone rang, and it was work. It ended up that Manoah had called in, so she had to cover his closing shift, but in order to do so, she would have to leave at 5, and return later at night. She wanted to know if I could come in early, and I kind of smiled in an amused way to myself as I explained that we were sitting down to eat, but I'd be in as soon as possible after that. I ended up starting at 5:30, and apart from difficulty over making orders for people in the dining room (as opposed to for drive through), because they were large and supper was really busy, it was a decent night. Closer to actually closing, Mary and I got to talking about Danny, and I brought up how he was condescending and whatnot the first time he closed. She said (in an ever so slightly annoyed way) that she didn't understand why, as I did know what I was doing, and I quite appreciated that, because kind words of that sort don't come terribly often.

Work aside (mostly, considering I should mention that I called the house and got a ride from Mom), I have a fairly substantial package that I'm looking forward to opening now. On Thursday, I woke up at ~10am unable to get back to sleep, and through looking at usual beginning of the day things online, decided I'd finally order things from a certain website that I've been considering / waiting on restock for a little while now. Said items are personal, suffice it to say, but a bunch of things were ordered, and a little more money than I expected to spend later, I'd logged into Paypal and paid. Now, usually when I order from that site, I'll get a UPS shipping email either later the same afternoon, or sometime the next day. Nothing came at all on Thursday, so I figured the email would come on Friday, and I'd get the package in time for Tuesday - my next day off - which is when I want to open it. Surprise surprise, however, when I called the house, Mom said she had a "large package" for me. That's cool, and perhaps from now on when I order from that site, I'll have to do so early in the morning, so as to have my purchases by the end of the next day again.

Another thing on my mind over the past couple days has been Dan, and going back to Toronto. Until recently, I nigh insisted upon the next time I went, wanting Squeeze to come with me, so there wouldn't be a repeat of last time. The last time she mentioned me going again, however, she said she felt conflicted that I felt that way, because it would most certainly be a good while until she had enough money saved up to be able to go. The immediate option there is that I could pay for her train ticket and have a bit of money set aside for food for the both of us, but I must also consider that I could just go on my own again, now that I'm feeling somewhat more ready for it. I think back to cleaning up the party room after the meet, and to baking things (to a certain extent) in the days beforehand, and I want to do that again. Baking is more tricky, because the line between it being enjoyable and a chore is very thinly drawn, but just for the preparations and such. The meet itself I don't feel so strongly about, because I don't see any change in being there to contribute as opposed to going for the meet / party, but I'm definitely starting to feel like I want to do that again. I also obviously quite like the idea of going to Dollar Tree, especially after past correspondence Dan and I had where he said he'd be perfectly understanding of me wanting to go places on my own at times, but that's about all for now. I would want to go to the zoo to see the snow leopards again, but outside of them, I just remember there not being anything terribly new in recent trips (not to mention how it would be better to wait 'til after Winter so they're open longer), and such. There were also other ideas discussed before, but the main point once again is that my thoughts and feelings on going back are definitely coming back into focus.

Aside from that, things here have been mostly pretty decent. Since the nature of my past couple proper entries is right there at the front of my thoughts, I want to say that things of that sort in general (I'll just say the word - crafts) are from my point of view better than they were before. Things still bother me anywhere from idly to quite a bit from time to time, most often when I'm laying down to fall asleep, and I know Squeeze isn't in a particularly desirable position, but compared to the way they were before, when I was constantly felt like I was incredibly close to freaking right out, they are improved. On that note though, I might as well end this here, because she's been awake for about half an hour now, and I can no longer concentrate exclusively on this. Until next time, whenever that may be~
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Date: Sunday, September 1st, 2013 - 5:12pm
Subject: It's Been Quite a While
Security: Public
It feels like it's been longer than a month since I wrote anything in here...

At any rate, I'm just in between working on getting some things ready for tomorrow. Surprises and things I won't divulge yet and such. James called about 20 minutes ago asking if I'd come in for 7, because Gabby called in. He was planning to call Tom to see if he'd come in so it could be he and I closing again, but if not, James will be working open to close. Fun for him, if so, but we'll see. Tomorrow will be my first Monday off in a little while, and for good reason (even though I'd get time and a half at work) - it's Squeeze's (that sounds weird anymore...) birthday <3 We were originally going to go to Golf & Fun, but the review we found (from July this year) wasn't very promising, and... maybe we'll still go. Or maybe we'll just go with my imagined idea of sleeping late, and stumbling out all groggy-like to Glitters for supper. I'm definitely looking forward to it either way.

I should go get back to things now though. I wonder if I can finish before supper (chicken balls for me~) is ready...
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Date: Saturday, May 25th, 2013 - 6:58pm
Subject: My Mind is Elsewhere
Security: Public
Just a general quick entry here, because I don't want to miss another day, but am not sure how much I have to say at the same time. Compared to yesterday, I feel more awake and alert for one. Having to get up early to go to Tilbury was pretty difficult, and then I unexpectedly fell asleep for a short nap when I got back home. Work ended up being kind of busy, but not enough to prevent us from getting out at a decent time, and... yeah. Squeeze and I talked about certain things before we went to bed, because I'd said something earlier in the afternoon that put both of us in an off state, and in a way, I feel like I'm still somewhat caught in that mindset. I'd really like to have the night off to just lay here talking about whatever comes to mind, and while I imagine Tom would be willing to pick up a couple hours by staying to close for me, I wouldn't do that. It's just... slightly difficult, but I'll get by.

In other news, nothing much comes to mind. I was getting all excited earlier about being able to hear talking (presumably coming from the park), because there's just something about knowing other, bigger things are going on elsewhere, while we're just busying ourselves with our own things, but said noise has now been replaced by kids playing somewhere just outside. I suppose I might have to walk through a fair crowd of people on the way to work again, but that's fine. I should end this here though, so I can get ready to go. The bed is a mess again, so I would like to make it before I actually head out~
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Date: Monday, May 20th, 2013 - 6:28pm
Subject: Just An Off Day
Security: Public
...because I should try writing something before it gets to be too much later, things today...

Squeeze is in kind of an off mood. Apparently although she slept last night, she doesn't feel like she slept at all, and Conner has been anywhere from calm and quiet to agitated and crying throughout the afternoon. I, however, am feeling mostly okay at the moment. I first woke up a couple minutes before 3, had to wait for Squeeze to get out of the bathroom to go myself, then ended up snuggling / falling asleep with her for nearly another hour. That was nice, and the dreams I had during that time were interesting (not that I can remember any), and then things just kind of went off again. Due to it being ~4:30 when I woke up after that, I didn't want to go back to sleep again. I was not in a position conducive to sitting up and doing things on my laptop though, so I must have laid there for a good half hour before finally deciding to tell her I was getting up for something to eat. After that, I ate and watched about 20 minutes of a longplay of Doki Doki Panic on Youtube, procrastinated with other things for a bit longer, and am now writing this. I'd like to leave for work no later than 6:45 again, because with how warm / humid it is out today, I'll need time to sit down and cool off first, but before that, there are a couple other things to write about.

For one, I feel bad. For two or three days now, I've had a message in Skype from Dan that's gone unread, because I'm worried as to what it might say. Specifically, prior to mentioning it in my second most recent LiveJournal entry, Squeeze was the only one who knew I was strongly considering heading home a day early. Sure, where all fairness and whatnot is considered, me going home early is rather understandable, and hardly an affront, but I feel like it's kind of rude to him to plan to visit for that long, only to end up going behind his back and leaving a day early. Maybe his message is entirely unrelated though. Maybe it's something to do with the zoo, or just a simple "Hello", but I haven't checked, because I worry too much, and yes.

As to the second thing, I have a bit of a dilemna on my hands concerning a package. When I went home last Friday, I found two packages waiting for me, and it seemed only right to take them along, and eventually agree to having Squeeze take them back to her place, so I wouldn't have to carry those home in addition to everything else. At first, I thought they were both the same type of item, but when I actually looked through a tear in the packaging of one, I saw that it was something different - an article of clothing, to put it that way. I've wanted to open it for a couple days now, but being that I have it here, I'd like to show Squeeze as well, but I'd also like to know that she's interested in what's inside before I do that, because it just seems right. The same could be said of other things I have here but haven't gotten into yet either. I'm actually considering just taking those home when I go home (back to our house, that is) to do laundry tomorrow, so that way they're more sensibly stored and don't have to bother me to leave here, but I haven't actually decided on that yet. To try and put this a non-complicated way, it's like several times before, when she was asking me if she should do something related to a certain color. I usually say "If you want" or "Sure", to which she responds by saying that she's looking for something a little more definite. I can understand it from her point of view, but when it comes to my things, I wonder if she realizes that's one of the reasons we haven't effectively had a repeat of what we did the night before I left again. And she's behind me kissing my back all the while that I'm writing this. Yay.

At any rate, I have about twenty minutes left if I get ready at quarter-to, so this is going to be finished here. I need to find something to drink, anyway~
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Date: Saturday, May 18th, 2013 - 6:27pm
Subject: I Have No Time Again
Security: Public
If I want to have time to go to Dollar Tree before work again, I'm going to have to leave in about fifteen minutes, which is a problem today. I started writing an entry earlier, before Squeeze woke up, and actually felt in the mood to write, but then ~4:30 came, and she did wake up, and we ended up being occupied until just about 6pm. That was fun and all, but perhaps tomorrow I'll have to try for completely taking care of writing before she wakes up, and not being pressed for time come 6.

In short, though, since I haven't too long here, things have been interesting since yesterday. My first shift back to work was busy, and tiring, and there were a fair few dishes, but that's all relatively normal. I've been tired at work before, there have certainly been more dishes other nights, and it only makes sense that we'd be busier what with Summer approaching, but what I didn't expect was my body practically giving up on me. Sometime just before 11, I started feeling really tired and out of it, to the point where I couldn't even take orders / talk to customers at the window at the volume I normally talk at. At some point, I went to the back to continue with dishes, but another customer pulled up and needed a minute to look at the menu. I decided to use the time to put the roll of paper towel that was in the dispenser correctly, then everything went completely awry. I tripped over / slipped on the dustpan, which put me off balance, which sent me rapidly falling to the floor, and... yeah. I scraped my arm pretty decently, and my knee even worse (it hurts to bend, but not as badly as yesterday), not to mention cut my finger somewhat deeply, and... it was fun. As I told Squeeze when I got back home, with the way I was feeling already, had that happened here, I would legitimately have gone out to the balcony and cried over it. To make matters even better in a way not directly related to me, James started the night in seemingly normal condition, but by the end, was visibly ill. Sneezing alot, and rubbing his nose on his shirt to the point it was red, so I rather expect to go in tonight and see Mary as the closing manager. That's fine though. So long as I can be as or more awake than I was yesterday, I should be able to get by.

At any rate, while I also now wish I had the time for a shower, I should try to get ready to leave. Going to Dollar Tree isn't vital, because we were just there yesterday, but I still want to. I only hope my knee cooperates to the end of me making it there in decent time~
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Date: Friday, May 17th, 2013 - 6:24pm
Subject: Finally Mentioning a Few Things
Security: Public
I think I'd rather this be a point-form / itemized entry now, because I've only got half an hour to 45 minutes left here. The afternoon thus far has been spent waking up just after noon, somewhat surprisingly, cuddling and doing other less-innocent things, having a shower, and just a short time ago, having my foot picked at for dead skin / scraped to remove the same. Following that, in just a little while, we (Squeeze and I) will be met my her mom, to go grab my uniform from home, and then to head off to Dollar Tree, because she has general shopping to do, and I want milkshakes. I probably shouldn't be thinking so much about spending money already, considering expenses in Toronto, but... yeah. That can be the first item on my list.

a] When Dan and I went to the zoo on Tuesday, I rather troublingly found the membership office blocked off. He wasn't helped much by it either, because he'd misplaced his membership card, and needed them to look up his account and give him a hand stamp, so we went back to the membership booth some distance behind us, and fortunately were able to deal with things there. I wanted to renew my membership though, and at first was somewhat surprised by the increased cost - $95 instead of ~$77, which I remember it being before - and it wasn't until I looked at my receipt while sorting through my wallet yesterday that I noticed something. Instead of paying for a renewal, I was charged the basic 1 year individual membership price, and was given a 5% discount, presumably for "renewing" my membership before it expired. Yeah. And I didn't even get my other card back either. I suppose I could have if I'd asked, but it didn't occur to me, and there's not much that can be done about it now.

b] I came home from Toronto a day early. That's something Squeeze and I had been discussing almost from the day that I got there, but indeed, on Saturday night, I was getting tired at the furmeet, and told Dan I needed to take a break, so I went upstairs, sent a quick message to Squeeze, noticed the time (a few minutes before 9), checked what time the ticket counter at Union Station was open 'til, and left her waiting for a reply while I rushed making sure I had my wallet, and wasn't taking the key to the party room with me and such. I then walked a very brisk walk down to the subway station, had a train come by almost immediately, and... fell asleep. I woke up just before Yonge station, which would've worked, but when I went up to the other platform, there were signs about stating that the subway wasn't running southbound due to track repairs, so I had to briefly contemplate taking the shuttle bus, which I probably would've got lost on, then went downstairs, took the other subway back to St. George station, went up and down and around to Union Station from there, and rushed up to the ticket counter just in time. Actually coming home and having the extra night / following day with Squeeze was really nice and very much needed, but I'm still tired, which I suppose I'm just going to have to deal with.

c] Just quick thoughts about the next time I go to Toronto, since we have only a few minutes now. Simply put, contributing to the furmeets as I do is becoming both repetitive to the point of annoyance, and rather expensive. It's not what I can actually foresee happening yet, but I'm thinking that if I try to go back in the Summer, I'll do it on some week other than when the furmeet is being held, so I can plan for going to Canada's Wonderland as the main event, then just find other things to do on the side. I'm still not sure how I'll feel about starting to miss them here and there (I have five badges hanging from the string attached to the ceiling fan in my room at home), but where it being less expensive and nonrepetitive is concerned, it is worth consideration.

Those three things will be all for today, because I need to go get ready. I wanted to write about how I've been feeling for the past couple days (a few more things that I've realized but haven't told Squeeze about), and there's a question she asked me last night of a personal nature that I really want to try to find an answer for (not a bad question, and as I understand it, she'd just like to understand), but those things can be on my mind at work tonight. It's James and I, with Tom 'til midnight, and I need something to keep me awake until I feel like it's late enough to open my energy drink, so yeah. That might give me more to write about in my next entry too, but we'll see then. Just so long as I don't miss another three days in a row~
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Date: Monday, May 13th, 2013 - 3:02pm
Subject: I Really Miss My Weirdo ;_;
Security: Public
The alternate title for this entry would be "Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder?", because yeah... I don't know that the past week (almost) has made me grow more fond of Squeeze so much as has required me to endure five days (so far) of rather intense anxiety and self-doubt. In a way, this is what I feared would happen by coming here. Being away from her for an extended period of time after spending two weeks effectively living together would make me start to doubt that I really felt the way I think I feel toward her, and I would either be an emotional wreck by the time I left, if not shortly after getting home, but that is fortunately not the case, as odd as that is to say. What I am instead experiencing is intense anxiety. It hurts. To describe it an oddly specific way, I feel as if somebody has been picking at my heart / surrounding area with a pin, and it's become all swollen, and the only way of attaining relief is to be back at home with her, to just hold her for however long it takes to replace these current feelings. I never thought missing / being away from somebody for an extended period of time could hurt so much, but I don't want to be so dramatic either. We've been talking for a bit every day, and I even called her on the phone for a brief chat when I came up for a break on Saturday night, but it's not the same. I miss you, Squeeze, and I wish there was something I could do to set those feelings for long enough to get through the next couple days...

Setting that aside for a moment, I think things have been going pretty well here otherwise. The meet on Saturday is the most obvious thing, so let's look at that. 85 people attended (maybe even 90, accounting for the few who didn't register), which is definitely more than before, and everybody seemed to be enjoying themselves. Were my thoughts not elsewhere, I might have had a better time too, but between that and being tired, I had to take a few short breaks, and even one that lasted for nearly 3 hours later at night. I was kind of let down about not getting any tips this time, but that wouldn't have been fair to the other people who brought baked treats, and... yeah. In a way, I'm not sure how I feel about the furmeets right now. It's not that I don't want to continue helping at them, but for one, I'm starting to get tired of always doing the same thing, and for two, if and when next time comes, I'm going to have to find some way of being more mentally prepared for being away from Squeeze for that long. That, or have her come with me for a few days, but thinking about that has my mind going places it shouldn't again. I'm reminded of a question she asked / indirectly showed me before. How can something that seems so right feel so wrong? I suppose being away from her for this long isn't exactly right, and I couldn't be expected to not feel bad as a result, and I also know thinking I should feel differently than I actually do is a big part of my problem, but just... this is what I mean when I say / think that I just want to be back at home with her. If just being around her is enough to make me happy... well, yeah.

On that random note though, I think this entry will be done, because I don't want to keep Dan waiting forever. So far as I understand it, we're off out to No Frills right now, then will hopefully be coming straight back here for a night of more relaxing, and maybe playing Scrabble. I also still want to set up my laptop in front of the TV and have a video chat with Squeeze so she can watch me play through Mario 3, or just use my camera to the same end, and I still want to record a video of the elevators later at night (because I'm weird) so yeah. Those sound like good ideas, and give me something to look forward to. It's somewhat of an abrupt shift to end this entry on as well, but I love you and miss you, Squeeze. I really can't wait for Wednesday to be here *hug* ~<3
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Date: Thursday, May 9th, 2013 - 2:35pm
Subject: I Miss My Weirdo ;_;
Security: Public
It feels so strange being here in Toronto. I'm out on the balcony right now, and looking around, yeah, I see all the familiar surroundings, but in an incredibly cutesy way, I could suggest that my body is here, but my heart and mind are elsewhere. In spite of doing a fair bit of baking yesterday, I still talked to Squeeze for nearly the entire time, and then, when all of that was said and done for the night, we had a ~2 hour voice chat, which even turned into a video call, and yeah. She has some pretty serious / significant things going on right at the moment. Part of me can't stop wondering what it'll be like if the worst possible outcome comes of that. With the way she described it yesterday, I would very likely drop everything here, march promptly back into Dan's room, pack up, and head to Union Station to get a ticket for the next train home. Unbeknownst to him, when I first learned of what she had going on yesterday, I was well prepared for close to an hour to pack right up and exchange (with fee) my departure ticket to head back in the same night I got here. Even though having some time relatively apart could do us some good, it's frustrating to not be able to do more. In the interest of not getting too caught up on only one topic though, what else could I say of my first day here?

For one, going out grocery shopping on my own was a terrible idea. It was fun at first, because with Dan not being there, I was able to look for things I wouldn't have otherwise, but then came the ~$80 worth of groceries at No Frills, some being rather on the heavy side, and I could've used an extra pair of hands then. I wasn't even able to walk from No Frills to Walmart (not leaving the interior of the mall) without working up a foul-smelling sweat, and beyond that, I still don't know how I made it. The best part? Walking up the stairs from the street to the building, I paused at the landing in-between to catch my breath, and a random older guy walked up behind me. I don't think he spoke English, but he did say "Oh, my boy", and tried to pick up one of the plastic bags I was carrying to take it the rest of the way, only for the bottom to give way. He then proceeded to take his couple groceries out of the Food Basics bag he was carrying, give it to me, and instead pull my (at the time extremely heavy) rolling bag up the steps. Two other people came along at that point asking of I needed any help, but I told them no, because it seemed relatively straightforward - somehow walk through the parking lot to the building, up the couple steps, and to the elevator from there. Somebody even held the door open for me, and just... yeah. I really appreciated their help, then there's Dan who, when I finally made it to the apartment, said that he'd fallen asleep. Probably the best part of all is that I still need a few more things, and don't know if I'll be in the mood for going out today, but at least I can get started earlier. I ended up sleeping for about half an hour yesterday, then talked to Squeeze for a bit because she really needed somebody to talk to, then made four batches of s'mores cookies, and one of oatmeal with mini Rolos. Today's baking will hopefully consist of all the Oreo-stuffed chocolate chip cookies, and if an electric mixer is purchased, at least two batches of licorice cookies as well. I could actually head off to get started on those right now, and still talk to Squeeze when she returns, but first, there are a couple things concerning her and I from yesterday that bear mentioning.

in a cut, because that paragraph above is rather largeCollapse )

Anything else aside now though, this entry is done, because it's already 2:30, and I'd like to get a couple urgent things taken care of before I get back to baking and talking to Squeeze. Dan's already offered to pick things up for me if I give him a list, which is one thing out of the way, so it's just a matter of getting back to baking again. I'll have to hide those cookies better, so people don't bother me for them~
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Date: Monday, May 6th, 2013 - 7:01pm
Subject: I Should've Gone Already
Security: Public
This is a familiar sort of situation. By the time I write this entry, and actually get dressed to head out, assuming I decide to do that, Squeeze will be up and active, and I'll have lost my opportunity. For whatever reason, I would really like to go out to Giant Tiger before Wednesday. Just to have a look around there and see if I can't find anything of interest, so I was already thinking about what it would be like to go out this afternoon as I was laying down to go to sleep last night. I told myself that probably wouldn't be possible though, because we already have plans for today, and yet come today, I've been awake for nearly two hours, while Squeeze has remained asleep. I suppose those plans could always be postponed though. Save them for later, when we'd both be more awake, and not run the risk of being interrupted by a phone call from Evo, but still, it's not as easy as just saying "I'll take advantage of her still being asleep to go out now".

To put it this way, since the last little bit of work yesterday night, my mind has been all over the place, in a bad way. It was enough that on the way back here, I had to sit for a short while in the small park across the street from the mall to allow all the anxiety and panic I was feeling to pass. Even when it did, and I made my way back to the apartment from there, I was still sidetracked enough that Squeeze could tell something was wrong almost immediately. The thing is that I still don't know how much I can say about it. This thing isn't causing problems now, so much as is something I want to talk with her about in hopes of finding a way for me to be more comfortable with it, but apart from that, she would rather I didn't even mention it in here, which leaves me at somewhat of a loss. Who can I talk to if I have problems or questions concerning it? I have one idea there too, which I described to her already, but for now, I suppose we'll see what happens if and when that comes up.

Setting that paragraph aside, the rest of this entry is rather delayed, on the back of her having woken up at ~5:30, and me having taken our cuddling / snuggling into less innocent territory again. I explained my idea to save the rest of those things until later to her, and she agreed, so once I finish this, I'll be packing up what things I don't need to leave here, and heading back home / to Giant Tiger / possibly to other places if I can get a ride. Knowing that I don't have to work tonight already feels a bit weird, so I do really want to get out for a bit, and as to the rest of the night after that... we'll see. I was going to write something else in here concerning overthinking things and getting too caught up in exactly what the picture I linked to in my entry yesterday described, but for the moment, knowing that it was bothering me more because I was thinking about it too much has me in an alright spot, so I'm going to try to leave it be for now, and see what happens. As a matter of fact, this entry is just going to be done here so I can start packing things up. Hopefully I still have enough time to go everywhere I want after that~
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Date: Sunday, May 5th, 2013 - 6:45pm
Subject: I Need Another Week
Security: Public
That feeling is coming back again. I started finally working on a list of things to pack earlier this afternoon, and all I could feel after a little while was anxiety. I want to just be in Toronto. Not have to still worry about packing or staying up late to take the train or possibly not being able to have Squeeze accompany me to the train station if her mom isn't able to watch Conner for the night, which is all nice and fun. It's not unbearable, but like the title says, I could do with another week. More time to not procrastinate and leave things 'til the last minute, but I think I'll be alright anyway. Plans for tonight aren't too related to that - I'll be coming back here after work again, whereupon Squeeze and I will be making anklets for each other, and probably just hanging out after that. We started getting into less innocent things earlier, but stopped because we're saving that for tomorrow, and now it's just a matter of waiting. Evo is apparently supposed to be over in a bit, and will be watching Conner so Squeeze and I can go for a short walk. I have to go to work, and she has to head elsewhere for things of her own, so we'll be walking part of the way together and that will be fun.

Not to switch topics too abruptly now, but some time after I got home last night (because this has become home now too), we were going to have a shower, and before that actually started, I managed to piece together enough of a new theory to explain my conflicted feelings that I tried to explain it to her. I didn't do such a good job then, unfortunately, and am still not really sure that I will now, but let's try anyway. My theory is that with friends in the past, I've always been looking (even if only subconsciously) for somebody to be more than friends with. I'd never found the sort of person that Squeeze is before now, which explains why nothing ever happened then, and to an extent, also how I found myself in the position of feeling that the other person and I were supposed to be more than friends because of how well we were getting along. The main point though is that those more than friends sorts of feelings were always there, but never came about or were reciprocated in the right way. It's different with Squeeze though, based on how much we have in common and how I feel toward her in general, but (and this is the crux of it), because now that we are more than friends, I feel like I should feel for her more than I do already, because I already had those more than friends feelings before. Again, it's just a theory, but I really feel that it makes sense. On a related note as well though (regarding thinking too much), I found this picture earlier, and just... yeah. Squeeze told me to show it to Evo just a moment ago, and even he agreed that it describes me perfectly. With that though, it is time for me to get ready to go to work. One night to go, and I've got a lot of extra cleaning planned, provided I can get to it, so yes. Hopefully the dishes are all caught up~
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