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I Couldn't Help It

As a result of the power going out on my way home last night, I learned two things. One, it actually is completely possible to shower in the dark. A little more inconvenient, because it's hard to see if any water splashes onto the floor, but with a bit of care to place required items (shampoo, conditioner, and soap) in distinct, separate places, not having any light doesn't pose an issue. Two, with the wireless card switched off, screen brightness turned all the way down, and only one non-background program running (KMPlayer), I can get about three hours of use out of my laptop. I almost wish the power hadn't come back for another couple hours after it did, because I was planning to go to bed early, only for it to come back on when I got there, and me to be up until about 7:30am. 7am because I was writing an email to Xion about everything I had an issue with this month (not so much evening the score, as previously stated, but saying "these are all things that rubbed me the wrong way", with the unstated addition of "I realize you may feel some of them were justified though, so I'd like the chance to work out any issues created by mentioning these things when you have a free afternoon or evening", and then 7:30 because I had previously pulled out my air conditioner, as it seemed unusually hot in my room, and wanted to turn it off before I called it a night, so I didn't get too used to having it on before Summer, but couldn't find the remote, and wanted to track it down before I went to bed, because without it, there is no practical way of changing any of the air conditioner's settings. Turns out I put it back in my closet, so it's now in a more conspicuous place. I don't exactly feel like I slept in, even though the temperature in my room was comfortable when I woke up, but I have the day off tomorrow, and even though Michele said she would have me come back after the long weekend, I'm taking tomorrow off from that as well. Thursday is fine, if they need me, as will be Tuesday, Thursday, and possibly Wednesday next week, but this Tuesday will be for me.

Anyway, I left myself a nice list of things to start with in my previous entry, so let's move onto the items from that list which I feel are still relevant, or bear mentioning in some way.

a] An Observation About Eating, With Specific Regards to Dan and Xion
I suppose this doesn't concern only them out of everybody I see on a regular basis, but with them, it is most prominent. A combination of work-related conditioning and my own preference for what is easiest and makes the most sense has it so that I regularly go anywhere from six to ten hours without eating. Longer or shorter lengths of time aren't an issue either, but that pattern is built around what I normally work, so if, on a day off, I find something for a snack when I would otherwise be off at work will more than likely see me overeat. Also, as I've talked about in here before, I have a strong preference for taking care of business first, and relaxing second. Applied to going to Toronto, this could mean that I'd really rather take my bags back to the apartment before we go out for something to eat, and / or would rather (after dropping things off) go directly out to Food Basics (or Metro, as the case may require), shop for groceries, take those back home, and then look into going out for / ordering supper. I realize that what works for me wouldn't necessarily work for them though. I think it even applies to going to the zoo, because when I went on my own, I got a Beaver Tail, but did not go for a hamburger or whatever, telling myself that instead of spending extra time there to put food in my stomach, I could just as easily go back to the apartment, and then find something to have / somewhere to go for supper. Actually, as my original plans for that day went, had it not been for subway-related difficulties on the way home, I would've gone out to Sherway Gardens, and bought supper at the food court there. I can delay, and can just not eat a meal entirely if the situation requires it, but it wouldn't be fair for me to expect the same of them, so should plans for the future be made, I'll take these things up with Dan.

b] Evening the Score With Xion
Again, I wouldn't really consider the score evened, and do feel I was perhaps a touch unkind in some of the things I said last night, but direct as it may be, I do feel really strongly about this one:

Unless Chris requests me specifically, there is some special occasion, I have business there, or it's been planned at least a week in advance, I would prefer to not make any repeat trips to Mississauga. Your reasoning on that night was understandable - I might be able to talk to him - but the problem is I can only talk to people when they want to talk, and I am not going to be in the mood to talk if I'm taken to an unfamiliar area at ~11 at night because you wanted me to be there. I like hanging out with both you and Chris, but force me into that sort of situation again, and I'll go back to talking only to Dan.

Because everything else aside, being forced into a particular role or situation is one thing I absolutely cannot abide. Overall though, it shouldn't be too difficult to think of what he gave back throughout the week, so let's see. On Tuesday night, after we got home from shopping for groceries, he bought me supper, but that's because I ended up paying for his groceries in addition to mine, because he'd gone off to find something he forgot. On Thursday or Friday night, he gave me an external speaker (a one-piece thing) to use with my laptop, because he couldn't / didn't want to use it with his (not sure why), and didn't want to see the money he spent on it go to waste. On Sunday and Monday, he gave me a can of Pepsi from the second case I bought for him. Finally, on Wednesday, he did not question my immediately vanishing into Dan's room because he and Chris were watching Kung Fu Panda 2. He might not even know that I didn't like the first one, but considering how he came in to check on me every other time I did that (when I just needed some time to myself, etc.), his not doing that the final time was... appreciated, albeit strange.

c] Reimbursement Would be Nice
For the record, the following is not meant to say that I feel I should be paid back for certain things I bought when I was there this month. Rather, it's meant to offer some definition between what I should and should not be compensated for. If I bring something from home (candy, most likely), or buy baking supplies to make cookies, I should not expect to be paid back. If, in the case of furmeets, however, I should buy something else (cutlery, for example) that I purchased because I was out at a grocery store, but didn't specifically say I would bring, I should be paid back. If I remember this correctly, when we went out to Real Canadian Superstore the first time, Dan gave Xion a small list of things to pick up - plastic forks, paper plates, and pop. Aside from the pop though, I seem to recall paying for everything, because I distinctly remember having to wait ~5 minutes while one of the employees there went to check the price on the paper plates, while Xion sat at a table up away from the checkout lanes, apparently oblivious to what was going on. He did pay for pop for the party when we went to Pharma Plus, but he got paid back, whereas I got nothing of the sort, same as Dan didn't even hint at asking if I wanted to be paid back for the additional pop I bought on the day of the party. He did ask if I wanted the $5 I paid for pizza back, since I didn't get any, but I told him no, because I was too drained from other things that were going on, and there were extenuating circumstances surrounding my not getting any pizza. The ~$40 spent on forks, plates, and pop, however, would be nice to have back. As good as being generous may feel, I think I'm starting to over-extend myself, and that's one of the reasons that if any more plans are made, I'd like for them to not be centered around group events.

d] Contrary to Popular Belief, I do Get Angry
"Popular", in this case, means that I've received comments from more than one person, saying they couldn't see me getting angry, or couldn't recall ever seeing me that way. As I told Xion in the email I sent him last night, I do. I absolutely get even furious about things, but seemingly unlike other people, if I do get angry and have an outburst / whatever, it's pretty much guaranteed that the next thing somebody says to me will cause all that anger to turn inward. I suppose one could argue that I should try to figure out what causes everything to come back at me, instead of avoiding being angry (as I told George, "I remind myself of a person I was having problems with before, who essentially told me that they were tired of being taken advantage of, and needed to work to be more assertive. I feel like that's exactly what I need to do"), but until I figure that out, the fact remains. I forgot to tell this next bit to Xion, but after it all goes pear-shaped, as the saying goes, it's very hard to put those feelings to rest without completely removing myself from the situation. If I get angry at somebody at work, I don't feel right again until I've gone home and had a chance to relax, and apologized to them for my outburst.

e] Ask, and I Shall Receive
Karadur: As for the second thing I have to say, well, I'm kind of uncertain about saying this, because I don't want you to take it the wrong way...
Karadur: After what happened with the furmeet last time (at least in regards to me going to it), I would like to take a break from such group activities for at least one visit there. I would still like to see plans made for August again though, including going to Wonderland, so if (and only if) you do get a season pass, would you be up for discussing going there again with just the two, three, or four of us (if Xion and Chris want to come)?
Dan Skunk: That's alright if you want.
Dan Skunk: If you could while I'm doing the furmeet, I'll still be busy with it for two or 3 days, but you could come at a different time and we'd just do stuff together without any big meet.
Karadur: You're planning another meet for August?
Karadur: ...here's my thing regarding those in particular
Karadur: I would happily contribute candies and make cookies / other treats for everybody to have, but would make only the occasional, brief appearance to see if anything was going on that I wanted to stay around for longer for. For at least one meet, and if that one goes well again, might go back to being down there for the entire day like before the next
Karadur: Not to ask too many questions at once, but right now, what, if anything are you thinking about putting together in August? Another actual furmeet, or a group trip to Wonderland?
Dan Skunk: I was thinking more just the party room meet and maybe going to wonderland with just you or something.
Karadur: Well if *you* don't mind that, then sure, I'd be up for that
Dan Skunk: I don't mind.
Karadur: Both, that is
Dan Skunk: Maybe show up the day right before the meet so you won't be sitting there alone while I'm working.
Karadur: Unrelated: I am now excited, because it's getting darker, and that means rain might be coming <3
Karadur: No no no no no ;_;
Dan Skunk: No?
Karadur: Do not misconstrue what I'm saying
Karadur: I will happily help with getting things set up for the furmeet, and would still make cookies and stuff like before, then also help clean up afterward. Actually attending would be a brief appearance thing, at least for that one
Karadur: I don't want you to think that I'm only interested in what I want to do. I want to help out with the things you want to do as well, but have to give myself some leeway to do what I want at the same time
(4:42:54pm) Dan Skunk has gone away.
Karadur: If I were there for ten days like before - five leading up to the meet, and five after - there would be time for everything
Karadur: And I see you've gone away, but it is very important that I know you understand where I'm coming from with that, so please let me know
(4:46:32pm) Dan Skunk is no longer away.
Dan Skunk: Oh. Of course do what you want. :3 If you want to go away and do something else, that's fine.
Karadur: But then in the same vein as wanting to make cookies to share with you, if I want to help set up and take down afterward, I would do that too
Dan Skunk: I'm just thinking if we want to spend some more time doing stuff just the both of us, the couple days before the meet wouldn't be good as I'll be pretty busy with it.
Karadur: But if I make cookies for the meet, I would be busy too
Karadur: If I finish those before you, I would go out to EB Games or something, because a couple games I want to get come out in July *shrug*
Karadur: And if I both finish baking and take care of things at EB Games, and you're still working on whatever you have to do, I would either offer to help, or busy myself with things on my own, such as playing games on the Nintendo (I want to record a playthrough of Mario 3 for some reason), or doing things on my laptop. Unless you're opposed to leaving me on my own like that, I don't have any issues
Dan Skunk: I'm not opposed to it. If that's what you want to do, that's fine.
(4:53:53pm) Dan Skunk has gone away.
(4:54:13pm) Dan Skunk is no longer away.
Karadur: Alright
Karadur: Are we agreed then? Aside from deciding on specific dates, plans will be made for August around the furmeet, and going to Wonderland on our own?
Dan Skunk: Sure. :D

To which I will leave only a simple response - the same thing I said when the power came back on last night - cool. Dan and I did continue to talk after that, but knowing we can do both is... cool. Now to figure out when the next furmeet will be, and hopefully receive a favorable response to another request for time off from Mary. Apparently she was upset about the note I left her back on Wednesday, but that might be because I was kind of sarcastic about it (I said "To whom it may concern: it is ~2:30. I didn't finish washing the dishes until 2:15, so please do not penalize us for not getting out in time. Thanks in advance. Also, if you are Mary, I might want to ask for more time off in August, but that isn't definite yet"), and Cheryl may have simply been overstating what Mary said. She seems to have a tendency toward blowing things out of proportion.

Other things aside (because the above doesn't cover everything that was in the previous list), I feel that's enough said for today, and I want to have a bit of a break before I leave for work. I want to leave for work early too, to go to Tim Hortons for some s'mores donuts (maybe three or four) to have when I get home. I just remembered that I should email Michele though, so yeah. Time to post this, and go do that~

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