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Feeling Sorry for Myself

I really don't know why though. I'm not nearly as opposed to going to Heart and Stroke as I was yesterday, but right now, the lethargy and not being interested in anything is just overwhelming. It started last night, at work, I think - I went from feeling really tired and being all-consumed by distracting thoughts unrelated to work, to feeling less tired, more focused, and having a bit of a headache, but being there until quarter to three in the morning (and both Cheryl and I were really trying to get things done - no idle goofing around, in other words), feeling kind of excited about the possibility of an unplanned trip to 7-11, because of the late time we got out, but having toast and a can of Pepsi for supper instead, followed by going to bed at ~5am. Today, I find the main distraction is Brandon. He sent me an email last night asking if I would buy him a couple shirts, and while I don't have any monetary reason not to, I just can't bring myself to go through with it. As Mom requires additional grocery money this week, and I still have to see the internet paid for (after Heart and Stroke today, most likely), my total expenses will be nearly $200 ($30 for gas, plus $80 for groceries, and $60 for the internet), and that, considering this coming pay will also most likely be affected by my time away, will comprise at least half of what I've made the past couple weeks. So that might put me up to half of what I'd like to have, but then a new month starts, and expenses begin anew. Know what it really is though? Ordering things online. Not for other people, but for myself. I go to Toronto, and decide I want to buy something online there to have when I get home and remember the trip by, or I see something else in a TV show that I want and go look for it to buy for myself, or something else happens, and that all adds up. Case in point: between the night I got home this month, and the following day, I received seven packages. Some were items purchased beforehand, and are things I'll actually use, come the appropriate time of year (nicer-looking arm warmers, for example), but for the rest, I might as well have just thrown my money away. Maybe it is about time that I turn this self-pity around into actually trying to sell off some of these things, but unless I get to that right when I get home from Heart and Stroke today, it's just going to fall off to the side, and I'll find myself in the same situation a couple months in the future.

At any rate, yeah, I should probably look into doing that, but uncertain things aside, what else can I say of yesterday? That regarding work, that's the second Wednesday in a row, for one. Now, to be fair, last Wednesday was the night where I took about ten minutes between customers to write some notes to myself about things to get to in here when I got home, but I still finished the dishes around 2:15, and the remainder of cleaning up brought us just up to ~2:30. Last night, on the other hand, I didn't finish the dishes until ~2:30, and it was about 2:45 when I finally finished mopping the floor at the back - the last thing that had to be done. It didn't feel any busier than the previous Wednesday though, so what happened? My only theory states that where she was able to keep mostly caught up last week, Cheryl was just as behind as I was yesterday night. I did not leave Mary a note for the second occurrence though, so I can only wonder what her reaction was, if she had one at all. Otherwise, I'm going to cut this short so I can get ready to leave. Maybe I'll be more reassured by the next time I write something in here. I have at least one idea for something to do, after all~

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