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It's Just Not the Same

What with having finished Color Cross yesterday, I'm now back into working on Mario's Picross 2. Being a puzzle game, the mechanics are relatively unchanged from Mario's Picross, but there is one substantial difference in the levels past Easy Picross - they're divided into four parts, with each part being 15 by 15 blocks. In order to keep things organized, I'm creating subfolders for each puzzle (making the directory structure something like [Mario's Picross 2] -> [Mario Mode] -> [Mario's Picross] -> [Area 1] -> [Puzzle A]), but Windows displays the files side by side, instead of two and two stacked, as they're arranged in the game. I suppose I could just combine them after completing all four pieces, but that kind of defeats the purpose of what I'm doing when the game presents them as separate puzzles. Really though, it's not that important a problem, especially so compared to what's on my mind this afternoon that has me writing a second entry in the same day.

Just before I went to bed last night, I sent Dan a couple messages in MSN. One was to inform him that cases of pop were on sale at Food Basics, because I assumed he would want to pick some up for the furmeet, and the other was to ask about the main thing mentioned in my previous entry - if he was aware of anybody going by the name of Bubbles. Following that, I went to sleep, and the several times I woke up before actually waking up thereafter, opened my laptop to check if he had responded yet. Nothing the first time, or the second, or even the third, causing me to feel slightly frustrated, but not really bothered, until my mind connected it to something else that happened before. Specifically, that person on his forum who was asking about me, for wanting to invite me bowling, and how when I went to Toronto shortly following that, he actually told them "He's here right now", and asked if I wanted to say anything to them. Cue that whole issue being dragged up again, because there's still something about it that bothers me. At first I thought for sure that I was upset solely because he was violating my wish to have a small group of friends, and keep to myself otherwise, and that really seemed to fit with how I felt back then - incredibly anxious, annoyed with that other person, Dan, and myself, and other such unpleasantness. I started to wonder if I felt that way because I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that how I felt (what with wanting to keep to myself) was wrong, but I was refusing to acknowledge it, but then another option came to the surface, along the same line of reasoning regarding certain movies / other media. Other people expect me to be one way, but I desire to be another way. Unfortunately, my personality is such that if the other person is somebody I think of as a friend, I am extremely likely to assume that they're right, and I'm wrong. Applied to being asked if I wanted to say something to a person I would likely never interact with otherwise, it creates a most painful (emotional, more than physical) conflict in me. I begin to feel like I might be better off dropping this facade and trying to be more outgoing, and maybe that's true, but I can't deny that if I'm this susceptible to suggestion from one friend, it would be... significantly more trying with more. Maybe I should've taken this to him instead of writing about it in here, but I almost refuse to do that on the grounds of it being just one step closer to living in this bubble that nobody can approach, let alone pop, without me freaking out on them. Why me? Because I am just that lucky. Fun, but I do want to get a couple more puzzles done in Mario's Picross 2 before I go to work.

As for unrelated things, Brandon and I have something to discuss at work, for one. His girlfriend wants an item that's being sold on eBay, so he sent me the link. Fine so far, but the item is available by auction only. He gave me a maximum amount of $40 to bid to though, and I made sure to point out that the auction wouldn't end until I go away, so he won't be able to pay me until I get back. Cue and email from him saying that he'll bring $40 to work tonight, and will collect the remainder from me when the auction ends, assuming I win the item, and the total price is less than $40, which I rather do not want. I suppose I could take that $40 and lock it away in my room (and now that I've thought to do that, it is what I'll most likely do), but the idea of accepting payment under these circumstances feels wrong. Also, I had a decision to make regarding whether or not I want to accompany everybody else to Lucky In(n) for supper at 6:00 earlier, but I think I've reached a decision now. I'll go, but won't eat too much. Mom was quite insistent that I come, so that's fine. I've only had a can of Pepsi since I woke up today (speaking of which, I bought four cases of that, as well as one case of Dr. Pepper, and one of orange Crush earlier...), so that should work out well enough. Now I am going back to picross though. I don't know if I'll be able to complete the first level before 6:00, but at least that's something to strive for~

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