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Everything Happened a Day Ago

In comparison to yesterday, today has been rather pathetic. I slept in 'til 1:30, went about normal beginning-of-the-day things until 2, and have spent about the remaining four and a half hours playing Gravity Rush. I work a closing shift tonight, so even if I had the money, I'd rather wait until tomorrow to go back to Walmart, and this is only the first day of another four. Laura is the closing manager for all of them, so at least that's different, but I'm especially dreading Sunday and Monday, as I don't want to be stressed out two days in a row about trying to get all of the dishes caught up in time. Back on Wednesday, James said that he and Tom were able to have everything done by 12:30 on Tuesday even though Tom apparently had about as large a pile of dishes as I did, and then we were there until a couple minutes after 1, so... no. I try, but the same thing has happened three times now, which is intensely frustrating. To make it even better, Mary has now started assigning people to specific positions on the schedule. For whatever reason, despite Tom being done at 12 tonight, he's supposed to be on drive through 'til then, with me taking over it for the last three hours, so... not only will Laura have to count an extra till, but I'll have to rely on Tom to get all / as many of the dishes caught up, since I stock and clean the drive through area when I'm scheduled to work down there, which takes an average of half an hour. Maybe that would be fair if I was scheduled to be on it from 8 - midnight tomorrow, essentially having Tom and I take turns, one might argue, but no. I work 8 - 12, but at least for the moment will be on line. Brilliant, Mary. It's no secret that you don't like Tom, but is there some reason this schedule isn't the same as the previous one? Last week's made more sense.

In any case, I suppose it still works. Four hours of being on line, and three hours of being on drive through, starting at the time of the night that usually seems to take the longest to pass. I don't know what I'll do with my extra three hours tomorrow, but should I have the desire, I might walk out to Walmart for a chocolate letter "I". That, or I'll do what I planned to last week, and walk straight home, stopping at 7-11 and maybe Tim Hortons along the way. Three hours isn't alot of time when I'm just sitting at home relaxing though, so I'd like to find something a little more involved. I didn't go to Sobeys last night after all, so I could try to do that, as I used to do on the way home from work when they were open 24 hours on a regular basis, but upon checking my money yesterday (which was the main reason for deciding not to go), I found that I have only $30. Surely enough for a trip to Sobeys and a couple visits to 7-11, but not quite enough to make walking out to Walmart practical. Why did I have to let Tom borrow $40? I could have $70 now had I told him "No", but... perhaps that'll work out too. Between that, which should be paid back next Friday, and the minimum payment on that $500 I asked Manoah for, I'll have an extra $60 by the end of next week. There's really no point to going out to Walmart yet anyway. As noted yesterday, they didn't have either of the things I wanted, and I could probably get one of those chocolate letters from Giant Tiger, since they had them a couple years ago.

In unrelated news, I received two more pieces of mail today. One was the Japanese guide for Mario and Luigi: Partners in Time that I bought on eBay, and the other is an envelope containing (since I have reason to open it now)... well, it looks like a birthday card from Aunt Carol and Uncle Brent, but it is actually from Aunt Patty and Uncle Rob. Alright. I can't help but feel that I'm a little sensitive about all of that today. It's not that my birthday was just yesterday (I'm 28 now... yay?), but more things with friends brought on by yesterday.

For one, I'm a bit exasperated with myself over telling Dan to say "Happy birthday". It's just not right, but I'd have been more content waiting until after midnight, and giving him a bit of a hard time about it then. Then there's that email from Squeeze. I still am really happy that she did that, but less so about how she seemingly closed Skype sometime after I sent her a couple messages yesterday night to say thanks. I sent two more when Mom and I got back from going to Real Canadian Superstore, because I wanted to change part of what I said, and judging by the little spinning indicator in that conversation window whenever I open it now, they still haven't been delivered. Then there's Dan having company over last night, and neither of us having said anything to the other yet today. For the past week, we talked at least a bit each day, and now that we haven't I assume that oh, Blake must be that company he has over, so the two of them are cuddling again, and he (Dan) therefore couldn't care less about talking to me. Does that seem one-sided and unfair? If so, you're absolutely correct. The fact that we talked each day for the past week put me in the same position as I was in before with that past friend who I talked to at the same frequency. If and when a day came when we didn't talk, I assumed they just didn't care about me, and became all hurt and bothered. Essentially, more bits of thinking Dan is more than a friend are starting to trickle in, and if nothing else, having this day to myself would do me good. This is also really frustrating in itself because no sooner does one thing end, and another has come to take its place. Totts finally added me to her Skype contact list back on the 11th. I had intended to say more about that, but I don't have the time right now, so sure enough, as Dan described, she hasn't been online since. At any rate, she added me, so that source of stress was dealt with, and now another one has almost instantly swept in to take its place. Should it bother me that I don't always hear from Dan? No, just like it shouldn't (and doesn't yet) bother me that I haven't heard from Squeeze and / or Totts in a couple days. Mind you, certain things Dan and I have been discussing are more serious, and require us to be more than just acquaintances (I'm currently waiting to find out how much I'll be paid next week to talk to him more about that topic), but as bluntly as I can put it (more for my own good), we aren't mates. We are friends, and as far as that goes, I am really happy to know him. Then there's all this business with him probably having Squeeze and Totts in his Skype contact list, and talking to them more than I do. Does that mean they're better friends than they and I are? Possibly, from one really specific way of looking at it, but even to assume they are friends (better, possibly), it doesn't change my being friends with them. I need to work on that too. I genuinely feel that by being somebody friend, I have to be their best friend. If that isn't possible, or fails for whatever reason, then I've failed at being friends with them, and should find somebody else. It's kind of like how Totts may consider me a friend even though we haven't talked (apart from those couple emails) yet. Does simply talking to somebody make the two of you friends? I don't think I could see her as such until we've had a chance to meet up in person, and have become comfortable (at least in my case) talking to each other online. I'm still kind of uncomfortable when talking to Squeeze, because I don't really know what she and I have in common. It's really complicated, but I feel somewhat better for writing about these things. Another new-ish problem I've noticed recently has to do with insecurity, in that if I could feel insecure about something (could see that something bothering me), I should. I know I wanted to find a way to live with being insecure before, but I had envisioned finding a way of not letting it bother me so much.

Unfortunately, while I may want to continue the above train of thought, I don't intend to be late for work tonight, and as such need to get ready to leave right now. It might be more of a long night, because I went to bed at ~4am yesterday, even though I didn't need to get up early this afternoon, but come what may and all that. As noted back at the beginning of this entry, I spent quite a bit of time playing Gravity Rush today, and am really enjoying it. The camera controls in conjunction with tilt sensing is something I still haven't gotten used to, and some of the areas are a bit difficult to find all of the pickups in, but I do like it. I only hope that if DJMAX Technika Tune arrives next week, I can find some balance between the two. Then all I'll need is to get back into Paper Mario: Sticker Star...

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