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The Same Problem as Always

Not that I even know this will go anywhere, but I need to try something, otherwise I'm just going to sit here 'til almost 5 feeling conflicted and slightly miserable.

I slept in until almost 1pm today. That was nice, though I recall the sleep part being slightly weird, due to Butters waking both of us up, then being too cold, eventually followed by too warm. I'm also disappointed in myself for seemingly having given up completely on waking up with Jen at 8 and being awake 'til she gets Conner off to school in order to help with anything pertaining to that, but honestly, I could start again as soon as tomorrow, and would like to, in fact. It's only one hour to be awake, and then when 9:00 comes and I am able to lay back down, it'll feel that much nicer for being able to fall back asleep.

So anyway, I got up just before 1 today, checked things on my laptop, then went off to the bathroom. Jen was in the tub, I assumed to wash her hair, but given the quiet now, she's probably fallen asleep. It came up that earlier in the morning, while I'd still been asleep, she and Michelle had been texting back and forth, and, surprise of surprises, Michelle had a request. I hoped for anything but the obvious, so I looked at Jen expectantly, but my hopes were dashed when she explained that Michelle was looking for more money. $150 worth of money, to be exact.

If I look at my money file right now, I see that they borrowed $475 during March, and gave me $100 back on the 28th. From there, in the single week of April that we've had so far, they've borrowed another $240. $150 would push that up to $390, when we're seriously only about a quarter of the way through the month. Back on Saturday, Orlando came up to get that $240, and that left my savings envelope with only three fives in it. That also left a bad taste in my mouth (so to speak) because at least $40 of that money was mine, from my checking account, that I'd withdrawn for whatever personal expenses, and put in there only so I wouldn't be carrying cash unnecessarily. The idea was that as I actually needed money, I could take some from there, but only however much was actually NEEDED, for groceries, to give an example.

Sometime between that night and before work the next, I came up with what I felt was a decently solid idea. From that point on, only the money I had in that one envelope in my money box would be available for her to borrow. At any point, but only at HIS discretion, Orlando could explain that some expense was a necessity, and I could take the amount from my savings account, but only if it's serious, serious "We need this money or we're screwed" type of thing. For instance, at first, Michelle wanted only $200 back on the weekend. The extra $40 was so she could get Easter candy for Lucas. Maybe I don't get it, in that me and parenting are currently separate entities, but that is not a necessary expense. Sure, you'll feel bad that you can't get him anything, and I'll probably feel like a dick for a good long while for saying "No", but life will go on just fine without candy, and in a best case scenario, it could end up being a positive push toward her wanting to manage her money more responsibly.

For today, I don't know. What I want to do is say no, because I do only have $15 in my box, and that Orlando and will talk about it tomorrow, and if it is something they really need need NEED, we'll have to stop at the bank, but I need to figure something else out for myself. I had imposed a medium-hard limit of $1,000 before, so do I scratch that, say $2,000 is the maximum total amount they can borrow now, and stick to that with more intent and purpose than ever before? I could start charging interest, but I frankly can't be bothered with working that out. I can't remember what it was the last time I added it up, but as of right now - 2:08pm, Tuesday, April 7th, 2015 - Will, Jen, Orlando and Michelle, and Linda (Jen's mom) collectively owe me $8,521.18. I know alot of that comes from her mom's expenses, but seriously. FOUR people. EIGHT THOUSAND DOLLARS. And to make matters better, Will came over for the first time in at least a year yesterday, since he was down for the weekend. From talking prior, my impression was that he'd be bringing me $221 cash (I remember the cash part being emphasized), and yet when he got here, all that was said of it was "Did I ever send you an e-Transfer?" "No? Shit. I'll have to do that when I get back home... Won't have any money until then." Now now, I have no reason to NOT believe him as of yet, but even that seems rather convenient.

So that's where things stand with money for today. For myself even, I want to buy a couple remastered / restored Lapfox Trax albums, for which I always pay $5 each, even if they're free. I also need to do my daily money transfer, which is... 38 cents. Woo. Then I'll be getting paid in a couple days, which will hopefully be at least $600. Of that, $167.60 will go to pay off my credit card, $20 will go to Jen's mom for gas, $30 to our date at Coffee Culture Thursday morning, and approximately $80 will go to pay for supper on Friday, tentatively, which I add only because of current money matters. I sincerely wonder how Orlando will afford to take them out for supper when they always seem to go through his pay just like that. For myself though, that's only ~$300 that I'll have left virtually just as soon as I get paid, and that's not counting for possibly going out grocery shopping. The prospect is... acceptable, I suppose. I already know I'll be making more on my next pay anyway, having worked seven-something hours on Good Friday.

On a personal note, I am disappointed for the weekend now. Yes, we still have plans on Friday, but Saturday is where most of my thought had been going. For most of the afternoon and possibly evening as well, Jen will be at a baby shower. I asked for the day off, and as such, I will be here, probably enjoying the quiet, since Conner will also be in care of Tom at her mom's house, and quite possibly not doing much else. She should be back by late evening though, and it's that thought that got me to thinking. There's a movie out right now - Home - which she wants to go see, and I think looks funny based on the previews. My mind was all going with thoughts of how we could go out once she got home, to see the movie, and to go to Walmart, and to just have a fun date night minus supper, since that would be too much this weekend. I was even thinking we could go to the fabric store, which was the main draw for me, but their website says they're only open 'til 5 on Saturdays, and I'm assuming Jen will still be out then. I know for the movie, if we can't see it in the theater, we could still wait for a bit until a non-cam version is available online, and make special plans to order pizza and watch it here, and I know we should also be focusing on moving, but the desire to sit back, relax, make plans, and go out to have fun together is still there just as strong as ever, and I feel like all the bigger opportunities to do something like that (excluding small things like going to Coffee Culture for lunch on Thursday, in this case) end up being prevented for one reason or another.

Now that Jen's up and at her computer though, I'm going to do something else with my time. Once she leaves to get Conner, I will post it, and when she gets back... We'll see what happens~

Comments

$8,521.18, ouchy...

If people keep borrowing money and aren't able to pay it back, they're likely having some issues managing they're money. Maybe spending more than they're making--which will make it it challenging to just stop doing that, nevermind having extra to pay you back.

I can see an occasional emergency like losing a job and having a car or house repair, but they should also be able to borrow that from a bank. If a bank won't give them anything, that's not a good sign either.

I can understand wanting to help, but it's really not fair to burden youself with other people's money problems--especially you, when you already are anxious about other things. $8,521.18 seems like of burden.

Maybe you could work out some kind of reasonable payment plan, like $50 a month so you can be getting it back?

You're considering how much people need the money, but they also need to be keeping their spending within what they can afford. If you're going to be a bank, you need to assess what kind of financial risk your friends are and limit their credit accordingly but I think it's better to just not be a bank. They should be there for your friendship--not your money.
Would you believe it's up to $9,746.18 now?

Here's my plan for the time being. I have ~$800 in my savings account. When that's gone, I'll be closing the account, and as people give me money back from there, keep it in my money box. That is, to them, my savings is gone. Money that I could lend them no longer exists. If they need a bit of money until next pay for whatever, then fine, I'll probably allow that so long as it doesn't put me out, but no longer will it be me giving them money from my own personal savings until they've completely paid me back. It sucks, yes, but it's what has to happen. With both Jen's mom and Orlando and Michelle, lending money started so they could get their loans paid off, but now, it's exploded into far more than they owed before.

The only time I would consider it a burden is when I take the time to actually think about how they're going to pay me back. I know it's going to take Jen's mom at least a couple years, but Orlando and Michelle have literally borrowed at least $1,000 within a couple weeks. They're getting themselves into a hole that I don't know if they'll ever be able to get out of, even when the time comes where I can't loan them money anymore.

$50 a month sounds quite fair to me. What I'll probably end up doing is explaining the situation to Orlando within the next couple nights, and trying to figure out between us what a reasonable amount would be. Then, if a month goes by and I don't receive at least that amount from them, add $20 or some other to-be-agreed-upon amount to what they owe.

In the end, it's going to require changes in my way of thinking as well. Lending money is something I've always done to help people out, because I like to help. If, say, Orlando were to ask me for money and I told him "No", I would feel guilty enough that it would take me at least a couple days to get over it. I think I end up thinking far too much when it comes to interpersonal relationships as well. Both Jen and I could tell you about times before we've talked about how you and I haven't talked in a long time, and how I used to visit you quite regularly, and how (from her) you'd probably like to have me back again, even though it's been so long, whereas I feel like it's been so long that any form of contact would be starting fresh again, let alone that I wouldn't have the first idea of what to talk about.

...yet look. If the above was true, this comment would be alot less personal. As far as you're concerned, I do still consider you a friend (though we haven't talked in ages), and I actually enjoy this communication, even if it is via LiveJournal comment, so maybe first, things in my head need to be straightened out. I tried calling somebody at the mental health office in the hospital here earlier this afternoon, and they're out-of-office until Monday, but at least I can add that to my list of things I want to get figured out.

I hope you're doing well, and it's good to hear from you *hug*
Ouch! I dunno... I don't know them and I don't want to be negative, but it seems like they're dragging you down with them. If they need to borrow that much in such a short time, they probably can't afford to pay anyone back and you'd be the last person they pay back after they take care of loans from banks and financial institutions. You might have no choice but to cut them off to stop it from getting any worse and you might need to just accept never getting that money back. I really hope they're not taking advantage of you and stop being your friend when the money runs out.

I hope everything works out.

I do the same thing wanting to lend money to help people when I have it, but I've gotten to around $2000 that hasn't been paid back now. I usually keep a rule of not lending people anything more until they pay me back the last amount I lent them but I also get anxious about it so I've been trying not to lend money so much, anymore.

I'm sure if we talked, we would just pick up where we left off, I just haven't really had much new to say. I still think about you and miss spending time with you.

I've been doing alright, I guess. Been sick for a month at the start of the year, but am ok now. I'll probably be moving to my parent's house in Oshawa soon. Someone else wants to move in here and has no where to go and I was thinking of going to Oshawa to help my mom. The building cut the party room in half so it's no longer big enough for our meets which gives me less reason to be here.

Maybe it would be good to talk to someone at the mental health office about this lending money thing too. See if there's a way to stop feeling so bad about saying no. Last time someone asked for a loan for a large amount I suggested they get a line of credit from the bank.