February 8th, 2011

Early Starts are Disorienting

Suppose this day will go just like yesterday did? Even though I've woken up an hour early this time, so it makes a little more sense, every time I look at the clock it feels like it should be an hour earlier than it actually is. The same was true of yesterday afternoon and evening as well up until about 2am when I was going to go downstairs to make some supper (fried mushrooms - so amazing) and saw it snowing out instead, at which point I decided to go to 7-11. And I really don't have the money for that, for reasons I'm less than enthusiastic about divulging, but they're / it's nothing bad. In fact, it even carries the advantage of changing the way I look at money again, from trying to always stay above $1,000 and doing whatever I wanted with the rest, to trying to keep the hundreds digit the same. So assuming I have ~$532 right now (and I don't even have that much, actually ;_;), I would try to stay above $500. I'm not sure how it switched from that to keeping a set minimum balance, but yeah, I'm doing that again, which is less than workable currently because I have to go to H&R Block sometime soon and take care of things there, then give Mom and Dad $210, and yeah. Such fun.

But what's more fun is being away for several days. I think I'm going to do that from now on, too. Forget this nonsense with posting an entry saying "I'm taking a break. Be back in a few days", because as this four-day stretch has shown, nobody cares. And I do mean that in the nicest way possible, in that nobody cares enough - even if they notice - to say "What's the matter?" Which is also to be expected, I guess, but it fills my head with fun thoughts of eventually posting an entry to say "Reply to this or I'll remove you from my friends list", but I don't want to do that either, because there are certain friends on here who I would like to keep on that list, such as Munedust. Her birthday is coming up soon, and since I never had a chance to give her cookies for Christmas, I'd like to do that a couple months later instead. Another exception would be Dan Skunk. We rarely if ever talk on here, but I have him on my MSN list so it doesn't make sense to remove him on this site. Other people, however, such as the fair handful who haven't updated in quite a while I would more readily consider. There was a time where I viewed simply having a bunch of names on such a list as a sign of status, and now, well, the names are more useless cruft. That, of course, sounds mean, but I haven't spoken - directly, might I add - to any of those people in at least a year, so remind me, exactly how are they my friends again? We're old acquaintances at best. But all of that isn't really why I took a break this time. That particular action came about from feeling that if I stayed around and kept trying to put on that everything was "fine and dandy", I would end up irreparably damaging more relationships. I don't mind talking to people about my problems, but some problems I have are not fit to be discussed with other people, because they involve some pretty dense immaturity and selfishness on my part. Let's set this self-degrading aside for now though. It's interesting to write about, but there's little point when I'm not covering anything new.

As such, other development number one today is that Adam is home. As of just earlier this afternoon, which I learned after his yelling in the hallway woke me up. Nothing really special or unusual there yet, aside from that when I just went downstairs to give him Halo: Reach he was already on the phone, presumably with Trish, and I also have slight hopes of going out for supper to celebrate. It'd save me having to wash more dishes tonight, but Mom made rice pudding, and usually when she does that (makes anything at home) it means we'll be eating supper at home. Secondly, as soon as I finish here I am off to the bank. Why? Because even though I spent the rest of my change last night, I want a couple donuts from Tim Hortons (Caramel Crunch, specifically) and am getting tired of going there late in the evening or anywhere from zero to four hours after midnight and them not having anything. Or hardly anything, I suppose. I did try a Pomegranate White tea from there the other night, and while it smelled overpoweringly sweet it was pretty okay, but donuts are something I haven't had in a bit, and I would like a couple. Especially with my schedule as it is now. At first I was set to close on Wednesday, then Friday and Saturday as well, followed by working a supper shift on Sunday, and closing again on Monday. But then on Saturday night, Orlando asked how I managed to get five shifts and said if I wanted to give any of them away, he would be willing, so I thought it over for several seconds, and said he could work on Wednesday for me. Which means I get four days off now, even though this is the second one already, which I need just to mull things over.

Friends - acquaintances - the whole social aspect of the world is still frustratingly difficult for me, but as of, well, several nights ago (I can't remember exactly when), I actually did the right thing. Told somebody "I've removed you from my MSN list for [reasons]" instead of just silently disappearing. The crushing thing about that was how while it hurt enough to do that on its own (I still haven't reached a resolution in my mind as to whether or not I gave the other person a fair chance, or if I should've said 'I'm going remove you from my MSN list if this doesn't change soon'"), the other person hasn't responded to that email, which almost certainly means that they don't really care, but it's still too early to assume that as well. However, I've been dealing with those feelings for the past several days already, so it's not like another day of them will change anything, and I can't take this new sensation I'm feeling - extreme hunger - much longer. Nor can I take packages in the mail being delayed for much longer, but that's a less-serious concern. So anyways, it's time to go find something to eat, or at least ask what supper will be. Then catch up on outstanding commission emails and such, but I'll give myself until 12:00~