February 24th, 2011

This is Most Uplifting

I came home from work tonight and was immediately a little annoyed, because my laptop completely shut itself down while I was away. Not to install updates, because those were still waiting to be dealt with after I checked the power cord and turned it back on again (the laptop, that is), and the most informative thing I can find in Windows' Event Viewer says that the previous system shutdown was unexpected, but of course it wasn't. It's not supposed to randomly shut down, but it did, which would be more of a bother if this didn't also inform me that said shutdown occurred at 1:51am. Anyways, through restarting things as normal and such, I opened Firefox, and after everything had loaded again, took a look at my Twitter page, and saw this gem. The text is included below as well though, because I do so need to include it in this entry.

Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy!

So here I have a quandary. Is it acceptable to be intolerant of intolerance - should I try looking at this from other points of view too, or am I right in thinking that supposed-to-be-inspirational message is pretty stuck-up, snooty, and extremely unkind? Sure, if I were to stop taking it so seriously and apply it to, say, how things are during the summer when it's all hot and humid and makes me miserable, then they have a point. Nobody cares that I dislike the temperature, because they're almost certainly thinking the same things themselves, and it's a trivial matter to begin with. However, taken more seriously, I would respond to that by saying "Why should I put on a happy face? If they don't care that I'm miserable, then it's very likely that they won't care that I'm happy either". It's just... with all due respect to whoever is behind LoveableWords, as well as ShannonStJean since I never would have seen that message had she not decided to re-tweet it, I have been thoroughly morose and melancholy for quite a while now, and I KNOW that nobody cares as much as I would like to, yet even so, what gives those people or ANYBODY else the right to effectively tell me that I'm not getting anywhere by being miserable, so I might as well be happy? It's rude and extremely inconsiderate, but to twist this around into being at least a little bit good, my version of it would say something like "Instead of feeling miserable, try asking yourself if it helps your situation to feel that way." The idea is that, using my example above of summertime and humidity, being miserable about the heat doesn't help on its own, but in regards to more serious matters, such as the way I've been recently, feeling that way does help, because it means I'm not suppressing the way I feel as *coughs* other people apparently think I should.

Even if I take their side of it, the argument doesn't hold up. Maybe putting on a smile even when you're miserable really does work, but tell me, if you please, is it really being happy if you're just not thinking about why you were previously miserable? I would think happiness would follow overcoming that obstacle. You've won! You weathered the storm, so to speak, and didn't just run back home and hide under the covers until it went away! That is what happiness is, and the other thing is merely artificial. Sure, if it's all you have, then taking what you can get is to be expected, but dealing with your problems versus running away from them is the better thing to do in the long run, and to hell with anybody who would try to tell you differently. Nobody really cares if you're miserable, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't either.

I would write more, alas, it's quarter to 7 in the morning and I lost most of my coherency and ability to write back at 6, so this'll be it for now. Thankfully we don't go grocery shopping until ~8:30pm tomorrow, because I'm definitely looking forward to sleeping in, and also seeing what, if anything that this winter storm there's currently a watch for brings. Walking home was, as I said on Twitter, the closest to bliss out of everything this whole winter, but I will try to explain why tomorrow. Sleep and things would be better right now...

Everybody Wants My Money

Shock and awe yet again. When was the last time I spent, or at least planned to spend an hour (if not more) at the beginning of the day outside? And if I may ask a second question as well, why is it that with all I'm waiting for in the mail, the only thing that arrived today was an invoice from FedEx for $14.53? I already paid them $20 (in shipping for my GBA EZ-Flash), and now they want another ~$15, ten of which is an "advancement fee". To me that sounds like "We paid the customs fees for you in advance, so now you owe us an extra ten dollars for the favor". Kind of greedy, but at the same time, to be expected because it happened once before as well, but now I have to go to the bank this afternoon to get a money order to pay for that, to Money Mart to put $50 onto my card to pay for the internet, to H&R Block, where I hope all I will need to do is hand them my papers from last year along with the things I got in the mail this year, and pay once they're done working away on their computer, and then to one other place that's over near Money Mart, but not for something edible. Four places total, and I expect to spend approximately $20 + $50 + $80 + $60, which is already two hundred and ten dollars up and gone from my pay. Not very pleasant, but it's better than how things were the pay before last, and I'm currently aiming to be back at $500 by the end of March. I'm over it right now, but will be much closer by the end of the day, and so on from there.

Nothing really new there though, so what was I writing about last night again? That walking home was fun, for one. I ended up getting stuck with the unenviable task of cleaning the grease trap after we'd closed, because it started overflowing when I drained the sinks, and on my way out to the garbage dumpster to dispose of that mush, noticed it was snowing, just slightly. Enough so that if it kept up, walking home would be nice, but the next time I stuck my head out the door, it was snowing quite a bit more heavily, and then again when I actually went outside after changing out of my uniform to go home. Seriously, it started with what could be called just a light sprinkling of snow, and by the time I was halfway down St. Clair, had turned into an all-out blizzard, but I'm getting ahead of myself. After taking the remaining bag of garbage out, I waved goodbye to Gabby, and set off for home. I had just reached the end of the drive through driveway when I decided to try stepping up on the big pile of snow beside it to see if the thing was solid, and it was, so up to the top I went, slowing down ever so slightly at the peak to enjoy the feeling of being up higher than normal, then went to step down the other side, and... lost my shoe. Well, not lost, but it got stuck in the hill, so I had to jump down onto the sidewalk with my one-shoed, one-socked feet, climb up the side of that pile of snow, pull my shoe out, drop it onto the sidewalk, and stuff my foot back in even though my sock and the inside of the shoe were both covered in snow. And was it cold? No, not really, and I'm being completely serious. It was nice, and a bit crowded at first, but all the while the snow that was falling was picking up even more and more, so I didn't have much time to think about that.

The best way to describe the appearance of what was happening is that it was thick, and nigh-on blinding. The sky wasn't completely white, but very close to thanks to being blocked out by all of the snow, and the snow itself was (or rather the flakes were) big, fluffy, and rather wet, because I stopped at Tim Hortons (but of course), and was literally dripping as it all started to melt, which reminds me of my arms. They were about as close to being completely covered in snow as they could possibly get. It started with a thin layer clinging to the hair on my arms, and built up from there to something the lady at Tim Hortons even remarked to by looking at me with a kind of incredulous expression and saying "Look at you!" Then it started to melt enough that a piece flopped off onto the floor, and I begun dripping everywhere, including onto the counter. I was somewhat disappointed at not seeing the guy who always gives me a hard time about not wearing a coat there though, for I was quite looking forward to telling him "Go ahead. I know exactly what you're thinking of saying." So all in all it was an extremely fun walk, and now I have the prospect of yet another snowstorm to look forward to. Possibly lessened now that the warning banner on The Weather Network's page has gone away, but a chance of even more snow is better than nothing.

I should probably get ready to leave soon though, because I am most certainly walking around instead of asking for a ride today. H&R Block is the only place that's really out of my way, but I need to go there just as much as I do any of the other places. Maybe I should just go there first, as such. Everywhere else is open until at least 8pm, so yes, that sounds like a better idea. But I also need to find an envelope for FedEx's money order too. Notwithstanding putting it into the envelope the invoice came in, taping the side of it back up, and writing "Return to sender" on the front, but I think that only applies to unopened mail. I can in theory still use the same envelope, but no, I should be able to find one somewhere around here. Although that's probably easier said than done...