February 28th, 2011

What a Miserable Day

To be honest, the rain isn't entirely unwelcome, because listening to it fall outside is relaxing, and it made for kind of a different walk home, but otherwise, oh, how much I just want it to be 6:00 so I can go to bed at a proper time. Before I get too carried away with those things though, a public apology to Munedust for the terrible mess of muddy water I most likely left at / in the entrance to her house. The rest of that was fun, however, and I just feel a bit embarrassed now for only looking at Rob and who I presume was Emmett and not saying anything. Hopefully no offense was taken, and it isn't too far off to say that if he was the one I made cookies for, I likely wouldn't have said anything to you instead, so yes and such <3 Oh, and you're shorter than I was expecting too. I don't know why, really, and then as for your diet, perhaps, perhaps. No need to eat all the cookies at once though.

Now with those things said and out of the way (I've been wanting to since last night), onto more usual affairs. I would like to say I have cookies of my own to eat now, alas, Mom and Adam made chocolate chip cookies themselves while I was out at work on Friday, so I came home to find enough brown sugar to make one batch and not much more, and almost ruined that one, at that. I misread the ingredients as requiring a teaspoon of salt, when really they only called for half, and it wasn't until I dropped it into the bowl that I thought it would be a good idea do double-check. Then, upon realizing my error, I thought it would work to scoop approximately half of the salt out again, which I suppose worked, because Adam had one of the three that were left over and said they tasted fine, whereas I think they taste a little doughy (kind of the last thing one would expect from cookies) and just a tiny bit saltier than they actually should. So once again, to Munedust, if they don't taste quite right, there's the reason why. Not that I think the difference is really that noticeable if you aren't looking for it, but just another word of slight caution and such. Anyways, that was about all the excitement to be had that night, so I'm just going to skip ahead to shortly after midnight yesterday. I was tired, both from the extra walking and from going to Subway for supper which must constitute too much food after all, so around quarter after 1, I laid down, and shortly thereafter fell asleep until 3:30 or so. I was awake for all of about five minutes then, which was enough time to decide I had nothing better to do and go back to sleep, which kept me occupied for another hour. Then at 4:30 the fun started.

Needless to say my issues with certain persons still haven't magically up and vanished as they seem to have for those people, so when I woke up at 4:30, it / they ended up being the first things on my mind for some reason. Not in a pleasant "Yeah, I've been trying to work this out for a while so it's nothing new" way, but rather in a "I'm sick of this. I am tired of feeling this way, and yet look - plenty of other people tell me I should just accept things as they are and move on, but it's not working!" coupled with much agitation and wishing I could just fall back asleep, which wasn't working either, thanks to feeling uncomfortable and slightly panicked and generally not good. So what would I do in attempt to remedy the situation but reach under my bed for a can of pop, then sit up, reach for my laptop, and try to find something to take my mind off of everything else. I can't remember exactly what happened from there, but that lasted for a good three hours, meaning that never, ever again am I going to just rest my eyes or do anything else because I'm feeling tired before my actual bedtime. Unless it's planned, and by planned I mean something I've been expecting for at least 12 hours prior, because it's not worth it. I'd rather have to deal with extreme fatigue than I would not being able to sleep. Getting back on track though, I did finally fall asleep again, although I'm guessing it wasn't until 8 since the sun had started to come up by then, and then proceeded to sleep, having dreams of weird nonsensicality (somebody emailed me about a commission asking how I wanted the muscles...) and dreadful sadness (walking Josh's grandpa up the steps to Aunt Marie and Uncle Mark's house, stopping him just inside the door, and saying "Dad, I just want you to know I'm proud of you for making it another year", followed by the welling-up in one's chest that you get when you're about to start heaving and sobbing and crying, at which point I woke up and found I felt exactly the same way, but only a couple tears rolled down my cheeks), and to top it all off, didn't find that I'd woken up any earlier after the extra couple hours of sleep I had, but rather that I'd slept in until 3:30pm. Brilliant. Seriously. Because too much sleep led to being tired and out of it and thus making way too many mistakes at work, so I think the best part of the day thus far has been walking home in the rain. Not for stopping at Tim Hortons to redeem another free drink "ticket" along the way, but rather for, well, I really don't know how to say it. Closely followed by another season of Doctor Who having finished downloading while I was out, increasing the chances of everything being done by the time George and I work next to about 60%, but it's still kind of hard to be excited about that, thanks to feelings that are still lurking about from yesterday morning around this time.

Thankfully I have some additional ideas of things to do with these two days off I have now, and to start, I'm off to have a shower / bath, and then to organize my desktop, hopefully to completion before I go to bed. 6am should be fine tonight, but as noted above, never, ever again with anything earlier than that (with provisions)...

I Will Never Wear a Coat

Even my dreams are getting in on it now, which reminds me of one other thing from a couple nights ago. The end of this, to be specific, which is something I've heard way too many times to count, from more people than I can count too. In order to set the record straight once again, go back a couple entries to the one where I said "I am a snow leopard in the way I think and act and feel", and this particular case is one that involves feeling. Was it cold outside on Saturday night? A little, yes, but to me, those conditions are what other, more normal people would consider jacket weather during Spring - it's not necessary as long as you're doing more than tiptoeing around outside, and becomes more of a nuisance during any moderately-paced walk. I went to Subway for supper the same night, as noted in my previous entry, then went down the side street next to Park Ave, at the end of which was that staircase leading down to the underpass, which was fun to step down because I've only ever walked past it before, and by the time I got up to the other side of it (the underpass), I could feel the heat radiating out from my body. Of course, it also helps somewhat in that no matter how cold it is, stepping inside for a couple minutes, at, say, Tim Hortons, or Subway, or 7-11 will keep me warm and cozy for at least ten to fifteen minutes once I go outside again. Aside from the odd nights where I feel off and out of it, and am all clammy and cold for hours after I get home, but those usually indicate some form of illness, as I can take a bath or have a shower, and still be cold afterwards, not to heat up again until a couple hours after that. Otherwise, I do not need a coat, and I do not want a coat, because I am a snow leopard, in spirit at least, and apparently have a much higher resistance for / tolerance to that weather than other people. Not to say I still dislike hearing things like that, because they're only ever said in fun, and hearing that Rob (Munedust's husband) liked going out to walk around in the cold, but even he wouldn't go out that night, and thinking to myself "Really? I'm being completely serious when I say it's nice out there" was fun as well.

As for where the dreams part of this comes in, one of them involved Adam, and the other Naomi, and had them coming at the coat I was wearing with cable cutters on the end of pruning shear handles, once because the zipper was stuck, and the other time because the coat had suddenly become quite tight, and I couldn't get it off. Yeah. Christmas played some sort of part in it too, as did having extended family down for the holidays, but then I also distinctly remember feeling as if I was alone with Adam and Naomi for it too. Sure, dreams aren't supposed to make logical sense, but to go from Mom and Dad driving up to enjoy celebrations with everybody else, to Adam, Naomi and I being there with them, to the three of us being back at home on our own again, to finally Mom and Dad getting back with everybody else in tow, to prepare for the celebrations that they had gone off at the beginning of the dream to partake in was pretty disjointed. Thankfully it was otherwise an uneventful sleep though, unlike what happened on Saturday night, but things stayed roughly where they were when I first woke up, instead of becoming good again. Suffice it to say I sent a message to the person I bought those two camera batteries from back in January earlier, to point out that they had been shipped at the end of that month, and it's now the end of February, with no sign of them. I'm willing to accept that they could just be really delayed due to the several snowstorms recently, but without hearing otherwise from them would wait until Friday to see if they show up, but otherwise wanted to know what they could do or say. Ideally they would send out two more batteries, and if I ended up getting four in total, I'd mail the extras back to them, but that depends on how they respond. Slightly annoying in a way, but writing about that has helped me to remember another bit of the dream mentioned above, this time related to the batteries. As short as it is, the one battery that I have now, when inserted into the camera, had some thirty-four days of charge left. I only wish I had such a battery, because then the only concern would be storage space, but I'll have to make do with what I have and am expecting for now.

I don't think there's much else to write about for now though, so my first task for tonight is going to be finishing organizing my desktop, since I organized it before going to bed, but didn't do anything else with the files, so I might as well finish that now. Oh, and on a random note to end this Doctor Who progress is up to about 62 or 63%. It was doing better earlier, but with luck I'll be entering the "home stretch" by Wednesday, which gives another five days at most for things to finish up. Just maybe...