July 11th, 2014

Things are Getting Bothersome Again

...so it's been a little while again, yes? I was tempted to write about some things last night, because I was in a blah mood after working a long day, but the more I think about it, the more it's going to derail the mood of writing if I try to go into detail about all of those. As a result, things that were / are (situation-dependent) still bothering me consist of the following:

a. A picture Jen was working on for herself last night makes me conflicted. I like it, because it of the way it looks, and is also *how* it is, but my brain just so happens to be filled with the exact combination of switches that get flipped through processing the small part I saw of it to cause anxiety as well.

b. Work is dumb. Mary told me I could start early if I wanted yesterday, so I got changed and clocked in for about 4:20, only to be on drive through 'til 1 in the morning. Turned out an alright (if long) night, but I'm still hoping for tonight to go differently.

c. For as long as I continue to lay down with Jen in the living room before I wake up and go to the bedroom, she rubs my back. It used to be nice, but last night, it was far more bothersome, after she previously pointed out that whenever I rub hers, I end up intentionally tickling her, when she rarely ever does the same to me.

There were a few others as well, but the seriousness of those seems to have diminished with having slept. The one that does remain, however, involves money. Back at the beginning of July, I noticed we'd be getting paid three times this month. From that point on, it was and still is my goal to have $1,000 in my checking account again by the end of it. So far, I've been sitting right around $500, which it pretty decent, and makes my goal seem nicely attainable. I did spend about $50 back on Tuesday or Wednesday, and another $20 out of my wallet at Wendys on Wednesday night, but you know what? That's fine. I see nothing wrong with giving myself a special treat on my days off, and it doesn't particularly affect my checking account. As of yesterday though, I'm down $300. What happened? I was doing so well, and I have to go find something expensive online or make a large purchase elsewhere to screw myself over? Not quite, thankfully. What happened is Linda wanted to borrow some money, and with the limited time I had, it was easiest to just take it out of my checking account. I intend to transfer that entire sum over from savings at some point this afternoon, so things are back to normal there, but that still doesn't really say what would have bothered me, does it? Her borrowing money is simply getting to be a real concern.

Look at it this way: once I add that $300 to my file of who owes me what, her total will be up to $3,600. In fairness to her, most of the time she wants to borrow money, it's for something related to her van, or for grown-up, non-frivolous expenses, but it's still piling up awfully fast. It's already been true, ever since I lent her money to buy the van, but she's literally borrowing faster than she can repay. I know she only gets a fixed amount of money each month. I know I can really only expect to *get* money from her at the end of the month. What I would *like* to know is if she realizes what kind of situation she's getting herself into where she'll pay me back ~$300, and then, in the case of this month, between two days (two! (although they were admittedly separated by six days)), borrow another full thousand dollars. Something needs to change, or come, say, December, I'm not going to have any savings left. The problem with saying that though is not seeing what could change, and yet, what would she have done before I came along? It makes me feel kind of physically off to think about, but if it's annoying for me, what would it be for her? What will it be for Jen, even, when she reads this? I imagine I'll probably be able to laugh about it in time, but for now, it's stressing me out. Was that much obvious?

As for any other things, I'm not sure there are any to mention now. I don't start 'til 8 tonight (although I did get called in early last weekend), so I could probably find something to do, but... I don't know what, yet. I was getting quite into Cinders the other day, but then accidentally clicked the wrong option, and hadn't saved in a while, so... yeah. 140 is pretty cool too, but I'm stuck on the third stage of the third "boss" right now, and... maybe I should find something to eat. I've had a few cookies and some juice today. Nutritious? Not really, but not a far cry from coming home last night, drinking some juice, and losing my appetite due to other things. Jen just woke up though, so I suppose I should finish this here. Maybe I'll add some more subreddit RSS feeds to Thunderbird first, because, you know, it's not bad enough that Thunderbird nearly locks up every 30 minutes to check for updates as is. When the program starts to freeze completely, I'll know that's too much~