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I've Wondered About This Myself...

Are You Afraid Of Death?

It's complicated. I'm not afraid of dying in the sense that unless it's extremely slow and drawn out (such as in the case of an illness), I'd probably literally be dead before I know it. As for being life-threateningly sick and remaining alive only through being in the hospital, I'm not sure. I'd have plenty of time to come to grips with the situation and what would eventually end up happening, but then I also have to wonder about possible pain involved with the illness. If I'm the one laying in the hospital bed, and I can't so much as think straight anymore for being racked by pain, should it not be my choice to say "Let's finish this right now"? Mind you, I'm saying that under the assumption that I'd be on some kind of life-support system, and could sign any sort of waiver or official declaration or whatever else you want to call it saying that I was the one who asked for it to be switched off. Of course, with the way the world seems to work, that choice would be left to the closest family member to me at the time (or possibly the whole family), and I really can't decide if they'd pretty much be selfish and want to keep me alive so as to not suffer the emotional hardship and stress of a family member dying, or if they'd side with me, and end things after, say, a day, because regardless of any discomfort (no matter how extreme), I would like to tell pain "Screw you" one last time and allow them at least a day or two to inform everybody else, if that ended up being necessary.

Now, as for actually dying, this is the more interesting part (at least to me).

For pretty much my whole life growing up, I was conditioned (heh) to believe that when I, or anybody else dies, they go to heaven if they've "asked Jesus into their heart", and otherwise to hell, but both for eternity. Wouldn't that eventually become a damn boring existence? At least for heaven. Hell, from what I can remember being told, comes down to being tortured until the very end of time, and while that might even sound like something you'd get used to after a while, imagine that hell has a reset button, and somebody presses it every couple hours. All the pain and suffering that you'd just become used to would be started anew, and that would really suck. As for heaven, to make things simple, let's assume that it's size is infinite. You have what amounts to an endless chunk of time to wander around as well, but (and this might be stretching a bit) eventually you're going to have seen everything. As a better example, for anybody who has played the original Super Mario Bros. (and I'd hope that's almost everybody), you've hopefully all heard the rumor about jumping over the flagpole and the infinite wasteland beyond. That's not so much a rumor as truth, but such isn't the point of this example either. Now, imagine heaven is all the levels of all 8 worlds of Super Mario Bros. connected together, and at the end, there's a flagpole. You jump up and over it, then continue walking or running along, but what else is to be seen? Nothing! You have exhausted the resources of the game's levels / heaven throughout the rest of your travels, and your only option is to turn back and venture through areas you've already seen. Now, I will concede that heaven would be almost infinitely more expansive than Super Mario Bros., but that doesn't change things any.

Then again, that sort of existence would be far preferable to what actually scares me.

Imagine, if you will, that there is no heaven or hell. No afterlife whatsoever, for what it's worth. When you die, what comes afterwards? Infinite blackness? Feeling as if you're trapped in a void with no light or sound, and literally have no form either save for your consciousness? Technically, that counts as there actually being an afterlife, but the thought is just as scary. Nobody to talk to (and really, no mouth to talk with anyways), no sound, no warmth or cold, no feeling from your body at all (because it no longer exists), and all of eternity to enjoy it. Still, if you at least had your consciousness (I'm picturing a floating brain...), would hallucinations play a part? Fair enough said that if you don't have eyes you can't see and if you don't have ears you can't hear, but that doesn't necessarily need to stop anything. Given enough time, I imagine something would eventually happen. You could end up a raving lunatic alone in your own dark void for the rest of time, which might not be such a bad existence after all, at least given the alternative.

As an aside though, why is it that when I think of such a void, I imagine it being black? Is it because that's the color I see whenever I close my eyes? Why can't it be purple, pink, or orange? Well, I think I know why only half a minute after I started into this tangent. It's because without eyes, I wouldn't be able to see color anyways. Although, to continue with the hallucination idea, that might lead me to see whatever color I want to, even if it does end up being black. Also, I guess it's fair to say that in nature, black is the "default color". That's actually another interesting thing to think about. Could it be that the world as we see it appears the way it does simply because of the way our eyes and brain interpret it? If so, then what color(s) is it really? This is why I shouldn't stay up early in the morning. I start getting all existential and wonder about things that I really shouldn't, because I'm not going to be satisfied until I find the answer.

Anyways, getting back on track, I suppose there's no way a void would not be black anyways, unless some unseen source was providing the color, and if that was the case, then it wouldn't really be a void. Just an infinitely large, empty box with an equally large and powerful light shining from somewhere. The idea of some sort of room that's length and width were both infinite with a light just hanging there brings up all sorts of other unsettling implications and questions though, and I'm not going to go into those right now, because I'd just be getting off-topic again.

What do I think would actually happen? I'd die, and that would be it. If that is the case, then truly, death offers nothing to be afraid of unless you're scared of how you would actually die, but that's just my opinion outside of the many others that are already given in those comments. Perhaps something entirely different than what I'm thinking will actually happen, but hey, by that point it'll be too late to tell anybody.

Disclaimer: it's an interesting question. Just because I've answered it in such detail (at least the way I see what it asks about) does not make me potentially unsafe, or cause for concern, or anything else of the sort. I have wondered about the same thing before too, but rather forgot about or didn't think about it much again up until now. I happened to have the time tonight and didn't want to do anything else with it, and that's how this entry came about.

It's also time for bed, because it's 6:30am~

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