Feelings of Remorse and Guilt
I haven't felt this way in a while, but I certainly do remember it. Despite having already posted two protected entries the past couple nights to talk about some troublesome issues, they're still right there - right in the way of me asking myself what else I would write about. Or even do with my time, for that matter, because unless I'm still forgetting some things, I have a new season of Pokémon to rename, three albums of music to convert to MP3s, and maybe convert from there to a non-VBR quality for my 4shared account, and then soundtracks from Guitar Hero II and III (I was going to include the first game was well, but I still have never played it, and thus don't know any of the songs) to double-check the tagging of a second time, and then put on my Zen. I spent most of yesterday afternoon finding the remaining DLC tracks I was missing, but they should be all ready. And then outside of things on my laptop, I also have stuff to do in my room. From finding a better place for my garbage, to relocating this standing fan so it's not out in the middle of the floor, then vacuuming the area that was previously occupied by my bed. It was only over there for a couple months in the end, but I switched everything around so my bed is back by the window(s) a couple nights ago, and am mostly used to it, aside from that if I want to sit up, I can only do so on the edge of the bed, or else have the window sill sticking into the back of my head.
But anyways, as for the issue(s) mentioned above, I've been thinking they could be solved literally by throwing money at it, in this situation, but that's a problem too. Originally things were looking much better for money than I they had been. Apparently I was only supposed to have been giving Dad $180 at the beginning of the month, meanwhile he's been getting $40 over that for about half a year now. Whatever the case, that gave me an extra $40, and yesterday he also gave me another ten dollars as well to pay for the internet, since they're using it to talk to Adam now. Of course, that ended up being spent at 7-11, but what, you might ask, happened to the other $40? I spent $20 at Real Canadian Superstore on cereal and pop. And as for the money that should've been left in my account for getting paid, as soon as we got in the car to go get groceries, Mom said she needed to ask a favor. If she could borrow $75 for a prescription. I said yes, because certainly that's more important than a prescription, but now I have $30 cash (the extra ten is the extra ten I always have since the ATM only gives out twenties and fifties) to last me the next two weeks, which is perfectly doable, and maybe about $70 extra in my account. So that's why I can't throw money at this issue in hopes that it'll go away. But then here's the thing. We just got paid, which means Manoah owes me $100. Why not use that for this more immediate purpose (not all of it, by any means, but just so I wouldn't be giving away almost all of the spare money I have), and transfer $200 into my savings account on our next pay instead? I far more like that idea, but as is, it's going to depend on the other party as well. I told them I'd be willing to try and bring things to completion myself, but they haven't sent me a reply one way or the other, so I must assume they're doing that themselves. In a way I feel really bad, and it has been manifesting itself in the way I act at work and whatnot (being extremely quick to anger), but the fact that I can see a solution is enough to abate those feelings, if only slightly.
That all being said, I still don't want to go to work tonight, entirely because of these things I have to do. I was meaning to get to them yesterday, but that never came through, and now my schedule is looking to be exactly the same as last week. I close tonight, and tomorrow, and Sunday, then, surprise surprise, work a supper shift on Monday, followed by Tuesday off. I guess some regularity is good, and it means I don't have to worry about my pay being low, even though hours will probably start to be cut soon. Anyways though, I need to at least get this music converted or something else started so I'll have somewhere to continue when I get home. Not Pic Pic or Picross DS in this case (which I still have to take screenshots of...), but having something to look forward to doing is as good a way as any to get through the night~
But anyways, as for the issue(s) mentioned above, I've been thinking they could be solved literally by throwing money at it, in this situation, but that's a problem too. Originally things were looking much better for money than I they had been. Apparently I was only supposed to have been giving Dad $180 at the beginning of the month, meanwhile he's been getting $40 over that for about half a year now. Whatever the case, that gave me an extra $40, and yesterday he also gave me another ten dollars as well to pay for the internet, since they're using it to talk to Adam now. Of course, that ended up being spent at 7-11, but what, you might ask, happened to the other $40? I spent $20 at Real Canadian Superstore on cereal and pop. And as for the money that should've been left in my account for getting paid, as soon as we got in the car to go get groceries, Mom said she needed to ask a favor. If she could borrow $75 for a prescription. I said yes, because certainly that's more important than a prescription, but now I have $30 cash (the extra ten is the extra ten I always have since the ATM only gives out twenties and fifties) to last me the next two weeks, which is perfectly doable, and maybe about $70 extra in my account. So that's why I can't throw money at this issue in hopes that it'll go away. But then here's the thing. We just got paid, which means Manoah owes me $100. Why not use that for this more immediate purpose (not all of it, by any means, but just so I wouldn't be giving away almost all of the spare money I have), and transfer $200 into my savings account on our next pay instead? I far more like that idea, but as is, it's going to depend on the other party as well. I told them I'd be willing to try and bring things to completion myself, but they haven't sent me a reply one way or the other, so I must assume they're doing that themselves. In a way I feel really bad, and it has been manifesting itself in the way I act at work and whatnot (being extremely quick to anger), but the fact that I can see a solution is enough to abate those feelings, if only slightly.
That all being said, I still don't want to go to work tonight, entirely because of these things I have to do. I was meaning to get to them yesterday, but that never came through, and now my schedule is looking to be exactly the same as last week. I close tonight, and tomorrow, and Sunday, then, surprise surprise, work a supper shift on Monday, followed by Tuesday off. I guess some regularity is good, and it means I don't have to worry about my pay being low, even though hours will probably start to be cut soon. Anyways though, I need to at least get this music converted or something else started so I'll have somewhere to continue when I get home. Not Pic Pic or Picross DS in this case (which I still have to take screenshots of...), but having something to look forward to doing is as good a way as any to get through the night~
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