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Something To Look Forward To

I was lucky enough to get an advance peek at the schedule for next week tonight, and one of the first things I checked was whether or not I worked on Halloween. Indeed I do, and it's a Sunday, which just maybe might mean it won't be horribly busy like last year. What's more, Steve and I close, so I'm already thinking about how things will go. Regardless of whether or not I want to, I'll be on drive through, and while wearing a headset without having a hat on is somewhat a concern, I'll manage. And I'm also slightly worried about what people might say after midnight, but screw that. I started work on Halloween, and I'm not about to change into my uniform for the last two hours of my shift. Anyways though, I also will introduce myself by saying "Hi, welcome to Taco Bell, my name is Karadur. Would you like to try a [item] tonight?" Seriously, it fills me with great merriment to imagine doing that. Seeing the confused look on Steve's face - being able to explain once and for all that "this is the name I'd rather go by" - doing something new, fun, and interesting at work for a change, and seeing how many people either say "I see you out walking all the time!" or ask why I do that <3 I am definitely looking forward to it. I also have several more things of interest to mention tonight, all of which came about at some point during my shift.

a] Before I start this one, be aware that I was in a bad mood at first tonight. The frown I was wearing was easily sizeably larger than the one I had last weekend, and the thoughts going through my head were not at all pleasant, but I was getting by. I was doing my best to at least be friendly and polite with the customers, but then this guy came through, and as I was giving him his food randomly asked "Have you ever seen somebody brush their teeth with hot sauce?" I actually paused for a good couple seconds, trying to work out exactly what he had asked me, and said "No. No, I haven't", with a confused look on my face. Then he reached over to the passenger seat and picked up something I thought at first was going to be a little tract or pamphlet about looking at things positively. It would've been appropriate given my state of mind, and for the millisecond between when I saw what he was holding and he said something, thought "Is he going to tell me 'Don't give up', or something like that?" As it turns out, the cards were little business cards containing information pertinent to his Youtube account. He is, in his own words, a "Youtube.com comedian", and apparently did just that - brushed his teeth with hot sauce - just earlier "today" and posted a video of it, so, trying to be interested said "Oh, well... I guess I'll have to look that up at home then" and sort of chuckled. Then he pulled away, and I was left to be baffled. Those thoughts I was thinking and the way I was feeling before? Completely gone. His statement caught me so much by surprise that there wasn't room left in my mind for anything else, and it was an odd feeling. Funny and good too, in a way, but to go from feeling the night is never going to end to my entire mental efforts going toward working out what just happened is quite a strange sensation.

b] Moving ahead about half an hour, I had another odd encounter with a customer. Or rather the passenger of a customer, but at any rate, he was a rather large man, who, immediately after I gave the passenger their change, made a commotion with waving their hands and everything just to ask "Why do I always see you walking around with a tail and ears!?" I did my best to explain, and ended up coming away from that concerned, because the cold air coming in from outside and hitting my eyes made it look like I was tearing up, but I poured their drinks, and stepped back over to the window only to be asked more questions. "You probably don't remember it, but I came through a while ago and said it looked like you were losing weight. I mean, I remember when you started, and you were a big guy, but look at you now. You look like" (and the following were his exact words "a supermodel!" Dear sir: while I appreciate the compliment and your noticing that I am in fact losing weight, I am not a supermodel. I want to be thin because I look better that way, and believe me, if you knew why I looked so thin now you wouldn't be so quick to assume it was a good thing (reference to the past couple days, and how I haven't been eating much at all, let alone properly). Still, thanks <3 For somebody I honestly don't know to say that is quite a surprise, and being recognized - while only mildly noticeable the rest of the time - did wonders tonight. I needed something to show me there was more going on than just what was in my head, and if those two things hadn't happened the night would've definitely gone far differently, but there's still more.

c] George's concern. I'm still not sure if he was genuinely concerned or was just trying to make conversation, but in one night he asked if I had gone to any more "Midwest Furfests" recently, and when told no commented that I hadn't gotten away in a while, secondly asked if I wanted anything to eat, which is odd for him because he's only started doing it recently, third, told me about how his Mom made something else for me in return for those cookies I gave them this time with rhubarb, but his brother(s) ate it, and fourth, asked if I was going out for "slushies" later. Is this the reward for simply getting along well with somebody? Even as much as I'd consider him and Manoah friends, and as many times as I considered asking him a couple questions related to my mood, all I want on nights like tonight is to be left alone, but it almost seems like they know exactly what questions to ask or what things to say to get a response out of me. In response to his questions, I said no, that I hadn't been to any recently and couldn't say I had any plans for such, as well as declined his offer for something to eat because I'd be fine, didn't quite engage him in what he said about the cookies, and agreed to go to 7-11, because I needed something to eat and had $10 cash to spend, which was the remainder from Mom's gas money. He keeps going on about his plans to go (back) to school though, which is supposed to be happening in November sometime, and it's kind of sad to think of no longer working with him, but I could say the same of, oh, John, for example. He was a fun guy to be around too.

d] More something that just fit with my mood tonight. I like how sometimes every song that comes on the radio seems specifically tailored to my situation, or the song playing when I finally stop and listen to it seems to be uncannily appropriate as well. Tonight was an example of the second. I still don't know the actual name of the song either, but the chorus went "If it makes you happy, it can't be that bad" and "If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad?" Yes indeed. For example, the thought of turning my life around and making friends again and everything makes me happy (if I can stick with it long enough to really get somewhere), but eventually makes me incredibly sad, because I can't sustain the previous emotions forever. But maybe that's a poor example, so from another angle (still drawing from recent events), if essentially dumping my mind into this textbox makes me happy (cathartic or not), why am I sad no less than a day later about the same things? I just found it appropriate, and towards all of those, it's fun. I wrote them on a piece of paper because I had a feeling if I didn't they'd have slipped my mind by the time I got home, and sure enough, George asked several times what I was writing. Nothing that concerns work, that's what. I ended up just saying that they were things I didn't want to forget, but I like being sneaky and difficult and making people think I have nefarious plans on my mind when really they're fairly normal. At least for me. Also, added well after I posted this entry, a much more accurate example of how I see the song lyrics applying to my life. If not having friends and going it alone makes me happy, then why does it simultaneously make me so sad?

But again, that's it. I like having written a more normal entry tonight, but if I'd known it'd take me until 7:30 in the morning I'd have started earlier. Oh well. Tomorrow will be busy enough, so getting stuff done now is nice, and on that note, I have some files to start converting before I go to bed. Finally got the last episode of the mini-series I want to make a torrent for tonight, and I think the only matter now is properly converting the files to AVIs. Not just putting the flash video inside an AVI container or whatever it is. I really don't know, but I'll start that now and hope it's done by the time I wake up. Just maybe~

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