Karadur Inacu  (karadur) wrote,
Karadur Inacu 

Always Something to Worry About

I can't help but feel I committed a grave disservice today. I didn't know anything about any of the people whose names were on my piece of paper - what they stood for, what sort of views they held, what sort of rules and plans they promised to enact, etc. (if it was that kind of election), so what did I do? Either marked the names I liked the best, or were people who sounded familiar, or who I could remember having the least pretentious signs. And why did I do that, you might ask? I honestly don't know, but I remember hearing Sheila go on (many years ago, before I started working at the same place she does) about how if any of her children didn't vote, they would be outcast and presumably looked down upon forever more. Dad and Mom, however, don't seem to care as much, because Naomi flat out told them she wasn't going to vote, but yeah. I had the slip, and I had the time, so I walked out to the address indicated on my slip, and along the way brought back a few curious memories. One was of an old friend (his name was Lee), one of his friends, and I walking out that direction (past the movie theater) for some reason, and hearing them carry on a very... specific conversation about Pokémon (more or less just what you might expect from a couple teenage guys), and the other comes from when we were actually out at the WISH Center (it wasn't capitalized on my slip, but it is an acronym for something) for a dance that was being held. Said dance seemed like was never going to end, and I was exceedingly bored because I was only there by proxy, so you can imagine my relief when he (Lee) finally said it was time to go, and I looked up at the clock to see that it was... only 11pm. But that was late for me back then. Just random memories.

Anyways though, there's a certain something that's kind of bothering me tonight and I just have to talk about to get it out of my head, but it is, again, as per usual over the past couple days, a bit whiny, arrogant, and possibly downright blasphemous of me to say, so it will be in a cut.

Recently, I was told, in these exact words, that I needed to "...get help. Talk to somebody who's trained to offer it...", after writing things at that elsewhere place about being depressed. Now, this particular case is somewhat more serious than the others I've talked about in the past, because it touched, significantly, on a certain word that ends with "e" and starts with "s", but even so, I'm not sure how to take their advice now. Said other party has an actual disability. Something they reiterated several times and used as an example to illustrate what they were talking about, and as I recall, mentioned something before (not to me, but on another site they have an account at) about reading an article on trying to find a cure for the same disability they "had". They were understandably quite sad about that, but I feel roughly the same way with being depressed. Mind you, in my case it'd be a sizable stretch to call being in that state of mind a mental disability, but I really don't want to talk to someone who's going to try and get rid of this part of me. Yeah, sure, I may not like it sometimes, such as when it has me forcibly bedridden for several days (as opposed to being so of my own will), but it's part of who I am. Without it, I might very well be significantly different from who I am now, and even if not, I'd rather feel anger or sadness or some other emotion instead of just being "okay" all of the time. Or maybe I'm just grossly overstating things, but that's where the part about this possibly being blasphemous comes in. Yeah. And I'm being vague because for the moment, I still have some business to finish up with them, and don't want my being sore and maybe unfounded feelings of being insulted to affect that. It's just that thus far I've gotten by mostly okay (this recent incident was the most significant in a couple years), and as long as I have other options (such as talking to somebody the moment something happens, or just simply not paying attention to my envy), would like to consider those first.

That aside, some more saddening (although in a way relieving too) news to share. I talked to Dad today about my idea to get Mom a birthday dessert from Dairy Queen, and apparently neither that nor buying her a cake will be necessary anymore. She plans to make up a double batch of some dessert on her own, and that will presumably be enough for all of us. Still though, I was considering asking if she was really set on doing that, and maybe telling her that I had other plans in mind, but I think I'll actually save that money instead. Among other things, I still have Christmas shopping to complete (but for that, will have to ask Adam for the third time what the other games he wanted were), and a couple items online that I've been thinking about buying for a while as well. One is a blanket that looks to be exactly the same as the one I have on my bed now, except in a different color, and the other is that 2 16GB microSD card with a Pro Duo adapter thing. Which is kind of sad to think about, because my Zen is still working fine, but I had a dream last night about dropping it on the floor from a fair height, after which it wouldn't work, so I want to both alleviate that fear, and also just get something new. Even though I am starting to find that buying every interesting-looking thing isn't as fun as it used to be, but that way I'd have all my music and games in one place again. Of course, I really don't listen to music that much these days, but it's something to keep in mind. After all, I could just as likely as could not stop listening to music when I'm out walking completely one day. I am already starting to get self-conscious of the fact that the earphones go in the ears on the side of my head instead of the ones up on top, but that's more just me being fussy, and not something I noticed until recently anyways.

I'm off to at least look up prices for now though. Adam's games (or at least the one I can remember) will come first, but I still might have enough extra to afford one of the items I want. As as for where I've been going the past couple days with commission emails, I'm mostly caught up with them but still have two more to write, and at least need to get started into one tonight, since it's going to end up being fairly long. But that's all well and good and nothing that's changed from before, so I also have a new icon to upload (maybe, if it is too late to ask for an addition to it), and eventually more commissions or at least sketches or something like that. And a couple galleries to rework on here, and once again, probably other things I'm forgetting. Oh, and also, I might not go out to get the rest of the ingredients I need to make Mom a cake tomorrow. Probably to Shoppers for a card and to KFC for one of those sandwiches, yes, but the cake will require Cool Whip, which she said she bought before realizing she didn't have enough for the rest of the ingredients, so I could use it, and yeah. Wonderfully relevant stuff, but most of that will be sorted out within the next couple days. And to think I still have three off~

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