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Not Out of it Yet

I'm not going to go into any great amount of detail here, but I hate this. For the past week or so I've been feeling okay, and then yesterday night I started asking myself some new questions and looking at things from a different point of view, and in doing such came to the temporary conclusion that I am, once again, the only one who has a problem "here". I can't take it. I'm fine with being wrong, because then, hey, I messed up, but I don't have to beat myself up over it, but the extent to which I may have been wrong, and the ramifications it poses both for the past and the future are truly maddening. I can't see things clearly or objectively anymore, and I'm back to thinking the same things I was before as a result, but just... I don't know. Maybe it'd be better for me to wash my hands of the other person and walk away as soon as I fulfill my one last obligation to them. Trying to prove who's right and who's wrong, even if I actually have real and genuine points but can't see them for how twisted and clouded the rest of my thoughts about this matter are, will at best provide temporary satisfaction and smugness, but only make me feel worse or as bad as I did before in the end. I went to bed with a horrible pain in my stomach last night because of this, and felt the same from the moment I woke up until just now when it started to fade away, but really, that's what it's all about. Or at least that's what offers me the most peace right now, and peace is what I need most this afternoon, because I have several specific pressing matters to attend to.

The first is finishing sorting out my music and putting it on my PSP, since my microSD cards and the adapter for them came yesterday. I was doing fairly well last night, up to the point where I went into the music folder and saw that it was empty. Everything gone - my entire afternoon and evening wasted. The strange thing was the files would still show up under "Music" on the PSP, but not on my laptop, but it thankfully didn't take too long for me to figure out the problem after that. Music, as I understand it, is supposed to go into \PSP\MUSIC by default, but the folder I was looking in was a music folder at the root of the memory stick. Yeah. All of my files are still there, thankfully, but not so thankful now is that I started downloading a bunch more new music last night. One album by Ryu☆ that I was missing, along with some others by kors k / Teranoid and dj TAKA. All names I've been vaguely familiar with through StepMania and Be-Pachi Music, but now I'm after music by them, which is kind of interesting. Oh, and I also have an addition to my "artists I need to find music by" list. OSTER Project. Curiously though, the one song I know by her (I think) and the one that made me want to find more of her music was Cosmic Orchestra, which isn't on NicoVideo, but, well, this seems to be a reasonable place to start. Maybe not every single track available, but not bad for a couple minutes of poking around all the same.

Moving on though, the second thing to do is add these new illustrations to my book and see how they look / ask for any more changes. Seriously, aside from tweaking the positioning of things now, most of the work is done. I just still haven't been able to bring myself to open BookSmart since last week. It feels like I should finish my other things first, but I'm further along with that now than I was before. Oh, and I also bought a couple more bags of chocolate chips yesterday which I was going to use to make cookies tonight, but maybe not, or at least not yet. There are other things I'd rather do, and all that's going to happen with cookies is them becoming a regular thing, and thus not be special anymore. Maybe give it until around Christmas when I surprise those specific people at work with treats, but that also reminds me of something else. There's a sheet up at work now with directions asking us to pick two days out of four that we'd prefer to work - Christmas Eve, Boxing Day, New Year's Eve, and New Year's Day. I opted for the first and fourth, even though the idea of closing on the 24th is kind of unappealing. As fun and different as they are, I don't like closing early, as in at supper time. I don't like having to rush to meet non-closers' ideas of what should be done and what time we should get out of there, but I like the thought of going to church even less (Carols by Candlelight is fun, yes, but the only time I'd want to be in one of those buildings anymore is for a wedding...), so I'll take work, and then maybe be a bit rushed getting out of there. And as for choosing to work on New Year's day, I want Boxing Day off to go shopping, and I want New Year's Eve off to reflect and have some time by myself to look back on what has ultimately been another eventful year. But still, we aren't guaranteed to get those days off. Oh no. There is a fair chance though.

And with that, I am going to switch over to renaming some video files first, then finish putting the rest of this music on my PSP. Although that reminds me of something. Over the past couple days I've been downloading season 1 of Top Chef: Just Desserts, and noticed a couple of the files were MKVs, and were both almost a gigabyte in size. Converting them to AVIs shrinks the size drastically too, and the quality is still decent (there are a few artifacts, but nothing noticeable when the window is resized to not take up the entire screen), so I was asking myself what the difference was, and came up with a comparison that may or may not be accurate, and I like enough to mention in here anyways. MKVs are to video what FLACs are to audio. Is that right? I'd like to think so, but yeah. Time to move on to other things~

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