Karadur Inacu  (karadur) wrote,
Karadur Inacu 

What Do I Want for Supper?

I just had a dream about that too. It was Monday of next week already, we were just getting ready to go out for my birthday supper, but then it was realized that I still didn't know what I wanted, or where I wanted to go. I can't remember what I decided on either. I just know at one point I was having another dream about attending a presentation involving internet piracy, where the presenter said that anybody who didn't agree with them (anybody who defended piracy, in other words) should go line up at the doors to the auditorium. A bunch of people did, me included, and slowly started to file out. As I passed by the window though (a rather large window, should it be of any relevance), I looked out into the parking lot where the people at the front of the line were already, and saw a couple trucks with "[something] Detention Center" printed on their sides. I, of course, began to panic a little bit, strongly considering asking the people at the doors "Is it too late to back out of this?", but I didn't, and somehow got lucky, I guess. By the time I got outside the other trucks were full, and I noticed a guy riding his bike towards and then down through a tunnel, so I figured I'd go stick my head in there and see if that was the place I wanted to avoid. As soon as I walked in, I noticed the entire tunnel was filled with metal speed bump-like things, except they were far larger than, and had a much wider angle than typical speed bumps, along with that the "ramp" only went up on one side, sort of like they were put there to ensure traffic could travel through that tunnel in only one direction. Which wouldn't have been possible anyways given their size and shape - any vehicle passing through would either have to be moving at such a great speed that it would be severely damaged by the time it reached the other end, or if it wasn't moving particularly quickly, would get caught at the apex of the second speed bump at best.

Anyways, I was on foot, thus I didn't have to worry, so in I went, and walked along the tunnel until the end came into view, at which point the tunnel was lower than ground level, so I was still somewhat hidden from the truck (or so it appeared to be) that was up ahead of me. It was facing the opposite direction, so I hesitantly took a couple steps forward, hoping to get a better look at whether or not it was the same sort of truck I had seen in the beginning building's parking lot, and all of a sudden it started reversing towards me! I quickly backed into the shadows again, feeling quite certain that the driver had seen me and was peering hard into their rear-view mirror to see if they could spot me again, but they must not have, because instead of backing up into the tunnel (which they would only have been able to progress to the lowest point of, thanks to the speed bumps), they did a quarter-turn, so they were heading to the left, from my point of view, and that was when it clicked. I wish I could say what "it" was, but somehow I realized what was really going on, and eagerly exited the tunnel. Outside, I found a tractor, towing one of those big, flat pieces of machinery that I don't know the name for (helpful, I know), and wide, open grassy fields absolutely covered in... mayflies. Yeah. I took a moment to take in the view (because it was really nice - just at sunset, with the requisite body of water off in the distance glimmering in the light), and then looked over to my right to see the guy who had gone through the tunnel on his bike before me. We looked up at each other, he asked "Guess you got out too, huh?", we both smiled, and I woke up just in time to ask myself "What kind of a dream was that!? We were done with mayflies a long time ago!"

I'm not sure though. I'd like to make some links between it and my real life, but nothing that doesn't contradict itself somewhere down the line comes to mind. In general, however, it could be taken to represent being in a bad state yesterday, and pulling through that because I've finally been told "That's it! I've had enough out of you!", and I still don't know what I want to do about responding to that message. I would like to, because some of the things he said are really unfair, and I think he knows as much, but at the same time, it makes me feel really, really bad to even think about what this has come to, so maybe I just need time. A week, possibly less to get over this, if that even works. Although I can say with fair accuracy that this is what I had coming as well. For as many friends as I've cut and run from in the past without a word, nobody has ever said "Please leave me alone". You might even say I have a new reason to avoid personal relationships now, but for once, I hope it doesn't come to that. Also on the same note though, I really want to say "Three strikes! You're out!", but I can't, because then I'd be losing another "friend". The comment I left to Munedust's Twitter post last night is the third in a row to which she hasn't responded, along with that message about cookies. I'm still going to send her a Christmas card, and either ask about that in there, or just wait to see if she mentions getting it, because while I would be content to leave things as they are, I'm also curious as to what's going on, because I can think of only one option.

Anyways, I think it's a definite requirement for me to go out to Real Canadian Superstore and Dollarama tonight. The latter is open until 9, so I'll probably leave around 7:30, but I'm also kind of wondering why I don't just ask for a ride. Surely I can think of what I want for my birthday supper between now and 8:00, then we can go out there to get whatever is needed for that, and for my own purposes as well. I need at least two gift boxes to put cookies in, but I can just as easily use the containers we have here, and instruct James and George to either put the cookies in a paper bag to bring home, or to bring the container back when we next work. It would save me some money, but they aren't my containers, hence the hesitancy. But for now, I have comments over here to respond to. It still doesn't feel quite right, because I've thought of that as something I might be for just a little over half a month now, but it's about time I stopped worrying about being wrong, and focused on finding answers instead~

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