Karadur Inacu  (karadur) wrote,
Karadur Inacu 

What a Long Night

The world "arduous" comes to mind, because I was quite literally working to the point of exhaustion. Aside from everything else on my mind, I made about $1,000 worth of food entirely on my own tonight (one thousand dollars), was dealing with almost completely non-stop orders, up until the last hour, and my back also hurt really really bad from having sat hunched over my wrapping paper and pile of tiny boxes for ~3 hours last night. And I still haven't even started to wrap my other gifts either, but that's why I'm writing this tonight. So tomorrow I can go straight to wrapping the rest, and stay at that for however long is required. It's just a matter of not letting other things distract me, but thus far I've been doing a pretty excellent job of allowing that exact thing to happen, and Christmas Eve is literally less than 24 hours away. It's kind of exciting, really. Christmas truly did sneak up on me this year, but my previous entry says plenty about why that happened.

As for those particular issues, nothing much has changed from before. The only development of note is that while taking the garbage out at work after we'd closed - when I could finally talk to myself without being heard by George - started speculating on what it would mean for me if I'm not able to become tolerant and accepting of everything I would like to. Honestly, my goal in life used to be to be unique. Now it is to rise above being bigoted and hateful and generally not a fun person to know or to be around. And maybe not even to rise above it, at that. Just to distance myself from those things somehow, so I can maintain a clear and calm mind no matter what is thrown at me. For example, the two people (in two separate vehicles) who honked at me and shouted derogatory words while I was on my way to work. I just don't care about that, and as a matter of fact, I expect it. I expect people to not approve of what I do, but unless they come to me calmly and in a controlled manner, they would do better to just keep their remarks to themselves, because I don't let them get to me. Except for those two guys who punched me in the nose when I went to London, but that was more a matter of them being completely wrong to have done that, and me not paying attention to where I was going before it was too late. Yeah. I can still remember the sudden shock and feeling of being punched too. It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would, and then I somehow found hairs in my mouth, that were most definitely not mine. Fun memories. Anyways, to answer the question, I would be essentially as I am now, except in a more specific regard. I'd have found one of my limits, and while there are some things that even I wouldn't be willing to try and tolerate for the sake of self-betterment, I would at least be able to tell myself "I've done all I can with that" and move on. Examples would help here, yes, but for the moment I'm trying not to get too specific.

That unpleasantness aside though, I have some more good news related to Christmas. Even though Manoah left work early today, I was able to get George to write the necessary information on an envelope and put the money - folded up in a piece of paper with "Open carefully!" written on both sides, mind you - into it, so that's up in my room right now, and will hopefully be dealt with when I first wake up tomorrow. I could just sneak down and slip it into the mailbox right now, but no. Not when there's $200 in it. I should be able to work something out though. Open the door and reach out to the mailbox, then come back in with the envelope and say "This is addressed to you...". I did buy a stamp at 7-11 though. To make it look more genuine and such, but on that note, I have a confession to make. I have two Christmas cards on my bedside table here - one is supposed to be for Munedust, and the other Dan Skunk, but do you see the problem? It's the 23rd of December, and I still haven't mailed them out, much less written anything inside of them. I just don't have the energy to. Not that I'm asking for pity by saying that, but it's just like instead of continually badgering Munedust until she gave me a date on which I could bring her cookies over, I ended up eating all of them myself, over the course of a week or so. But if you are reading this, Munedust, and would still like some cookies, don't fret. I have one bag of chocolate chips left, and would be happy to put them to use for you, as long as you let me know when I can drop the finished product(s) off <3 Eating is actually something of particular interest lately though. I mean, I didn't eat breakfast today for obvious reasons, and about half an hour before leaving for work, ate two cookies and drank a can of pop. Originally it was going to be three cookies and a Pepsi, but two filled me up quite enough on their own. Then skip ahead to work, and I was positively starving throughout most of the night, but once we'd closed I made myself a bean, steak, and cheese burrito, and got through about half of that before I was feeling full again. It's interesting, because while I've noticed a lack of desire to eat when depressed before, I've never had any experiences with actually being able to eat only a little bit of food.

Anyways, I would like to end this entry on a decent note as well, and I do have something to share that qualifies. Remember that lady at Tim Hortons that I've said always seems so cheery and bubbly whenever I go in there? I gave her $5 tonight, and after waving it away and saying "No..." was appreciative of it. I wish I knew what her name was, and it's kind of funny to think that I don't in this light, but yeah. And is $5 a rather paltry tip? Yes, but I strongly dislike tipping to begin with, because it seems alot of the time that people think they deserve extra money when they haven't actually done anything to earn it. So that was fun, and George came along to Tim Hortons with me as well, which was a nice walk, because it gave me a chance to think about things other than the more serious matters I have on my mind. Oh, and I also got an email from Blurb tonight to say my book had been printed, and will very likely not arrive in time for Christmas. But I expected as much, and that's what I get for not giving it a thorough look over sooner. Oh well~

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