Karadur Inacu  (karadur) wrote,
Karadur Inacu 

The Fun Sort of Distraction

Me too, it would seem. I just found my way over here, from a post on my friends page, and same as with Wikipedia, I now have another three tabs open to pages with interesting-sounding names, and am reading the page on "Nintendo Hard" far too much when I should actually be writing this, because I've missed the past couple days, and it's starting to get to me. Regarding things in general, well, I wonder if this is how anybody who was my friend in the past felt when I stopped talking to them without even explaining why. It hurts (or hurt) me to be cast off and not be given a chance to make things right again, and even now, I'm seeing more and more reasons to blame this on myself simply because I can't talk to the other person and try to gain their understanding. That, however, is nothing new, but compared to yesterday where I felt angry and unsettled, today I just feel frustrated and sad, and it'd be really nice if my mood would remain stable for more than day or so. Right now I'm starting to second-guess things that I had been quite certain about before, and just... yeah. It's obviously a rhetorical question, but why me?

Something else of interest is how I am now commissioning somebody for a couple pieces of art, and how this somebody lives just up in Sarnia, apparently. In response to their asking what kind of picture I would like, I told them I was actually interested in getting two, and would wait to hear back from them before giving them one pose or the other, just in case I had to decide which one I wanted more. They responded to say getting two would be fine, but then I failed to respond to them again for a full 24 hours after that because of the mood I was in, prompting receiving another "So... pose?" message from them. Presumably because their commission descriptions state that the pictures will be finished within three days of ordering. Meanwhile, they also told me that I didn't have to pay them until sketches were provided, so it's debatable whether or not they've been actually been ordered yet, but either way, I haven't heard from them in a couple days. I don't mind being rushed, but I do mind being treated fairly and knowing that standards are being applied equally. To be quite frank though, once these commissions are all caught up with, I am going to try taking a break from them for a bit. My thoughts right now are that by doing so I will become agitated and unhappy, because as they are now, commissioning people is a way for me to be friends (in a limited sense) with others. However, it's not right to do that, because then I expect that they think of me the same way, when realistically they probably don't, and that leads to all these sorts of complications.

Now, on the other side of things with friends, this is what I dislike. I was talking to somebody in MSN earlier this afternoon, and things trailed off after a certain point, so I switched over to writing this, and when I checked again their status was set to Away. Skip ahead about an hour, and I told them "Even though you're away and probably won't get this as such, I have this other thing to mention", almost immediately after that they went offline. It's quite a bit easier to tell when somebody doesn't want to talk but don't want to say anything in real life, but online, I don't get much emotion from things unless they're accompanied by actions enclosed in asterisks, or little emoticons. If somebody says something that I want them to, then yes that is different, just as much as it is when I know for a fact somebody else feels exactly the same way I do, but otherwise, is it just me, or is it just my perception, and everybody else in the world is the same way too? It does make me feel like simply going back to being on my own again, but I can't do that, for the same reasons I outlined before.

It's Tuesday though, so I have to wash the dishes, and then after that I just might go out to work to get my pay stub one night early, along with the $20 Manoah owes me. I can still remember going out there regularly each and every Tuesday during the summer, but now it's become less of a priority. Oh well. Snacks are still a definite possibility for tonight, so I'll get outside sooner or later~

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