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It's Been Four Months Already

I notice I'm starting to slip back into my old way of thinking regarding those problems I've been having for the past month. A large part of it is due to being (almost) completely unable to contact one of the people involved, and has led to me telling at least one other person "I'd like to temporarily set aside everything I've told you thus far, because I can't work through these issues when I'm so emotionally involved", which is good for now, because it means I don't have to worry about them putting things off-balance, but bad because I dislike feeling this way even more. This... entire subset of emotion that can be mostly described as "boredom" is familiar. I've quite literally endured years of feeling this way, so I've become used to it, where being depressed and extremely uncomfortable and everything else that I've been, even though dangerous as well, was new and interesting, and I can honestly say that at the moment, I would rather feel that way than bored and normal. The funny thing is how I am completely able to achieve that right now. I have everything needed to send me back into the way I was, but I don't want to do that, for reasons that I can't quite put into words. It's like I want to feel the way I did, but don't want to do anything to invoke those feelings. Somewhat curious, but I would rather get better first too. My current illness has progressed to having a mildly sore throat and irritatingly dry lips (if they're at all related), possibly lessened somewhat by having slept in until 4 again (although I did go to bed at 8am this time), and I'd strongly prefer to feel uncomfortable in only one way at a time. If my emotional and mental discomfort returns after this physical illness runs its course, then so be it. That way the concerns in this entire paragraph would be rendered pointless <3

In other curious news though, I haven't seen / received spam comments here in a while, yet I received two to this entry yesterday, which were screened by default, so save yourself the trouble of looking for them and read on. One had the subject line "provides access", and the comment text "Hi there may I use some of the insight from this entry if I link back to you?", and the other, with the subject line "painter 11", reads "why didn't I come across this article earlier!!! pretty useful!!!". Yes indeed. They both come from the same IP address, just with 34 and 13 as the last numbers, and at first I was going to respond seriously to the "provides access" comment, but when I came home and saw the second one, it became clear. Besides, even though I would consider some of my more recent entries to be insightful, that one was entirely observational. All I was talking about were things that were going on, which makes me curious as to how the commenter(s) found their way here. I still see at least two referrals each day from somebody searching Google for "livejournal karadur" coming from, well, somewhere in Asia, I think. Google Analytics doesn't appear to offer a "cross-reference location by source" option, but it's also screwing up and counting my visits (to my friends page and such), and I remember the first time I saw that search result appear, the entirety of Asia was highlighted light green, which indicates that just a few visits came from there. Looking at the first comment even more carefully as well, it doesn't quite work. Unless I'm mistaken, while anonymous commenters can leave comments, which in my case get screened by default, they can't read any responses to those comments, which would also be screened, and thus invisible to them since they can't read the parent comment. Unless LiveJournal works around that by using the anonymous person's IP, which could then change, leaving them in the same position as right now. In other words, they're spam, plain and simple. Maybe it would've been easier to just say that from the beginning.

As for right now, I think it's about time I found something else to do. I was having quite a bit of fun last night playing Half-Life 2 (I've beaten the game quite a few times with cheats, but never without, which is what I am attempting now), and I'm also playing with the idea of going to Harveys to get a poutine for supper, since I've wanted one for a while. Well, that, along with a sandwich from Tim Hortons, and a spicy italian sub from Subway, and a hot chocolate supreme from Tim Hortons even though I just got one from there last night (I like the foam <3). On the other hand, I could stay in and eat the donuts that are apparently in the fridge for me, followed by making a couple grilled cheese sandwiches for supper, but we'll see. I do have several other things to do aside from eating (such as responding to emails), and a new game much like one I have on my DS (technically Acekard) to try, but I still have two days off, or maybe even five if I'm not feeling well on Wednesday. That part seems a bit hopeful considering I was mostly alright yesterday, but the current rule seems to be that the better I feel / think I am, the worse eventually eating will leave me. Good thing I'll be at home for the rest of the night~

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