Curiously as well, it's also easier to write about those things than it is to talk about them, which is relevant in that with regards to other, more serious matters, I find it extremely hard to write about them, and think it would be easier just to talk those things out, whereas with less-important stuff such as this, it's easier to write about them. So thinking about it some, I would have to say that's because these things don't involve anybody else, which means it would be quite difficult to walk up to somebody and expect them to understand completely when I repeat what I've said here. It's another one of those things that makes sense in my head, but I can't think of how to say properly in text. As such, I suppose I'll move on from that for now, and switch over to talking about serious matters. I mull over serious matters on my own as much as I possibly can, so when the time comes where I want to write about them, it is almost always an indication that I actually want to talk to somebody about them, because I'm stuck and am unable to make further progress on my own. Unless I'm just writing to rant, of course, but I haven't done that in quite a while, and it's pointless when I'm only doing so privately even then. With that in mind, however, I was able to make a bit of a step forward shortly before I went to bed last night. Keep in mind that this is largely a working theory, but I strongly believe in treating people as I would like to be treated myself, which is why this - not being able to understand things - is making me feel even worse. It's bad enough that everybody else seems to be able to just breeze on past what I have no end to difficulties even just comprehending, but I'm also unable to treat people as I would like to be treated in that situation, because I can't think of what it would be like to be in that situation without making it personally relevant to myself, which obviously isn't nearly as easy as it sounds there, and for as long as I have no way to say "I'm uncomfortable / frustrated / angry about this", everything that I feel stays inside of me, eventually leading to a couple (hypo)manic days, immediately followed by crashing down and thinking I feel worse than I did before. So how can I solve that? I'm not sure I want to. I would honestly rather not be like everybody else, but would like to become better than what I am now. And if that sounds like an empty statement, it isn't meant to be. I would like to become the sort of person who can talk in very fine, specific detail about anything with anybody, and not get bogged down in / with being overly emotional about those things. That is what I'm after.
Anyways though, at this exact moment it is 3:14, and while I was originally planning to have a bath then go back to Ace Attorney Investigations, you know what I'm actually going to do? Go out to Tim Hortons for a couple more teas. I mean, why not? I got a medium green tea from one on the way home and it was actually pretty decent this time, so not only do I want another one of those, but also a peppermint flavored one as well. Even though Manoah borrowed $20 from me last night, but the way I figure it, I don't absolutely need to go out for supper tomorrow. I went to Subway after work tonight, which was as decent as can be expected (and the lady who is usually in a grumpy mood was actually pretty amicable this time), and if I do go out tomorrow it'll be either to McDonalds or 7-11, and I honestly don't need either of those. At most I can use the change I'll have left over from going to Tim Hortons once I finish here to buy a drink and yogurt or something. Or just eat at home, what with still having 3 packages of Mr. Noodles in my room from when I bought them so long ago, but yes, food really isn't that important. What is is going out to get another couple teas, playing this game some more, and hopefully being asleep by 7:00~
