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What a Miserable Day

To be honest, the rain isn't entirely unwelcome, because listening to it fall outside is relaxing, and it made for kind of a different walk home, but otherwise, oh, how much I just want it to be 6:00 so I can go to bed at a proper time. Before I get too carried away with those things though, a public apology to Munedust for the terrible mess of muddy water I most likely left at / in the entrance to her house. The rest of that was fun, however, and I just feel a bit embarrassed now for only looking at Rob and who I presume was Emmett and not saying anything. Hopefully no offense was taken, and it isn't too far off to say that if he was the one I made cookies for, I likely wouldn't have said anything to you instead, so yes and such <3 Oh, and you're shorter than I was expecting too. I don't know why, really, and then as for your diet, perhaps, perhaps. No need to eat all the cookies at once though.

Now with those things said and out of the way (I've been wanting to since last night), onto more usual affairs. I would like to say I have cookies of my own to eat now, alas, Mom and Adam made chocolate chip cookies themselves while I was out at work on Friday, so I came home to find enough brown sugar to make one batch and not much more, and almost ruined that one, at that. I misread the ingredients as requiring a teaspoon of salt, when really they only called for half, and it wasn't until I dropped it into the bowl that I thought it would be a good idea do double-check. Then, upon realizing my error, I thought it would work to scoop approximately half of the salt out again, which I suppose worked, because Adam had one of the three that were left over and said they tasted fine, whereas I think they taste a little doughy (kind of the last thing one would expect from cookies) and just a tiny bit saltier than they actually should. So once again, to Munedust, if they don't taste quite right, there's the reason why. Not that I think the difference is really that noticeable if you aren't looking for it, but just another word of slight caution and such. Anyways, that was about all the excitement to be had that night, so I'm just going to skip ahead to shortly after midnight yesterday. I was tired, both from the extra walking and from going to Subway for supper which must constitute too much food after all, so around quarter after 1, I laid down, and shortly thereafter fell asleep until 3:30 or so. I was awake for all of about five minutes then, which was enough time to decide I had nothing better to do and go back to sleep, which kept me occupied for another hour. Then at 4:30 the fun started.

Needless to say my issues with certain persons still haven't magically up and vanished as they seem to have for those people, so when I woke up at 4:30, it / they ended up being the first things on my mind for some reason. Not in a pleasant "Yeah, I've been trying to work this out for a while so it's nothing new" way, but rather in a "I'm sick of this. I am tired of feeling this way, and yet look - plenty of other people tell me I should just accept things as they are and move on, but it's not working!" coupled with much agitation and wishing I could just fall back asleep, which wasn't working either, thanks to feeling uncomfortable and slightly panicked and generally not good. So what would I do in attempt to remedy the situation but reach under my bed for a can of pop, then sit up, reach for my laptop, and try to find something to take my mind off of everything else. I can't remember exactly what happened from there, but that lasted for a good three hours, meaning that never, ever again am I going to just rest my eyes or do anything else because I'm feeling tired before my actual bedtime. Unless it's planned, and by planned I mean something I've been expecting for at least 12 hours prior, because it's not worth it. I'd rather have to deal with extreme fatigue than I would not being able to sleep. Getting back on track though, I did finally fall asleep again, although I'm guessing it wasn't until 8 since the sun had started to come up by then, and then proceeded to sleep, having dreams of weird nonsensicality (somebody emailed me about a commission asking how I wanted the muscles...) and dreadful sadness (walking Josh's grandpa up the steps to Aunt Marie and Uncle Mark's house, stopping him just inside the door, and saying "Dad, I just want you to know I'm proud of you for making it another year", followed by the welling-up in one's chest that you get when you're about to start heaving and sobbing and crying, at which point I woke up and found I felt exactly the same way, but only a couple tears rolled down my cheeks), and to top it all off, didn't find that I'd woken up any earlier after the extra couple hours of sleep I had, but rather that I'd slept in until 3:30pm. Brilliant. Seriously. Because too much sleep led to being tired and out of it and thus making way too many mistakes at work, so I think the best part of the day thus far has been walking home in the rain. Not for stopping at Tim Hortons to redeem another free drink "ticket" along the way, but rather for, well, I really don't know how to say it. Closely followed by another season of Doctor Who having finished downloading while I was out, increasing the chances of everything being done by the time George and I work next to about 60%, but it's still kind of hard to be excited about that, thanks to feelings that are still lurking about from yesterday morning around this time.

Thankfully I have some additional ideas of things to do with these two days off I have now, and to start, I'm off to have a shower / bath, and then to organize my desktop, hopefully to completion before I go to bed. 6am should be fine tonight, but as noted above, never, ever again with anything earlier than that (with provisions)...

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