Karadur Inacu  (karadur) wrote,
Karadur Inacu 

I Forgot it Was Tuesday

Fine way to start things off too. Dad just knocked on my door and asked if I was going to eat supper with them. I thought about it for a second, and said no, because I just finished eating the candies I bought at 7-11 last night, and immediately after that, remembered that I have to wash the dishes tonight. I think I say this every week, but they really aren't that bad, and I'd certainly prefer having to wash them only once every seven days to practically every single shift I have at work, but that doesn't help washing, drying, and putting them away to go by any quicker. I would procrastinate too, and wait until 9 or so to start washing them, but no, not tonight. Probably just as soon as I finish here, or maybe not now that I've received a reply to that message I sent yesterday.

Feathertail's first reply reads as follows:

I can't give you back Prized Possession. It doesn't belong to me.

Legally, it belongs to anyone who abides by the Creative Commons license. Morally, it belongs to anyone who's read and remembered the story.

What do you want me to do? I can put a disclaimer at the front of the story that says you don't feel that it represents you, or that you feel that certain parts of it don't represent you well. I can link readers to an alternate version you prefer. If you want, I can post your version of Prized Possession on my site and FA, and make it part of the next update to include that.

I can certainly note that you're not autistic, and that that part of the story was an invention on my part which doesn't represent you.

I'm not pulling down the story.

What do you want me to do?

My response goes like this:

Legally, it belongs to anyone who abides by the Creative Commons license. Morally, it belongs to anyone who's read and remembered the story.

Follow me on this: it was written for me, about me. Setting aside both legality and morality, and probably a good bit of ethics too, it is my story for those same reasons, and I want to be able to call it mine again instead of just thinking of it as a story that's about me, but which I have lesser right to than people who aren't concerned by it do. Maybe you're thinking of this rights thing in a different way, but when I gave them up, I gave up my right to do anything with it. Uploading the pictures to Furaffinity was kind of an exception, because they were of the book, which I published entirely on my own, but I have no interest whatsoever in continuing that let alone looking at the site right now. As for the rest, I couldn't ask for changes, partially because you were refusing to make them, and partially because after a point, I had no right to do so. I realize my instability back when this first started with all of those times I told you "This'll be the last message you get from me" only to send you another one a couple hours later may have given you the wrong impression, but I take rules and restrictions that I choose to abide by very, very seriously. So in short, I want to be able to call Prized Possession mine again, but more than that, I don't want to be forcibly disconnected from it as I was before.

or that you feel that certain parts of it don't represent you well. / If you want, I can post your version of Prized Possession on my site and FA, and make it part of the next update to include that.

I'd like these to be the second and third alternatives, but in reverse order (posting my version second, and noting that I feel certain parts of it don't represent me well as the third). They're not preferred, however, because for the second alternative, I don't have the money to publish another copy of the book right now, and the third doesn't feel right because it is my story, and it is about me, so there is absolutely no reason that I should feel it doesn't speak properly of who I am.

I'm not pulling down the story.

Nor did I ask you to. The curious lack of reference to such in the message on Pastebin was because I didn't want you to think I was asking for it to be taken down again.

What do you want me to do?

Leave the story exactly as is, but hide that comment and any others like it (the timestamps will be way off, but if anybody asks, you can just tell them I was uncomfortable with what was said before), and replace them with one that's more ambiguous. Even if it's just

"No, the disability is not autism as such. It *is*" (note the emphasis) "based off of my own experiences with being autistic, but for the commissioner, simply describes how they think, feel, and act."

Can you do that? The only reason I can see you saying no is because it'd take some of the weight out of the disability rights theme (which, by the way, I still don't see / understand, but figure it'd be related), but does it have to have a title / label to be a disability? I get that the disability theme wouldn't be present if you hadn't wanted to write about it, but what you need to realize is that you didn't ask if I'd mind that. You just went ahead with the first draft of the very first part and said "I gave your character a disability...". I didn't think that'd turn into such a liability though, which is why I was fine with it at first, and I'm more or less fine with it now, because I can see alot of similarities between me in the story and me in real life. Maybe you don't mind the thought of assigning traits to a separate character that aren't present in your real life and your actual personality, but it is of vital importance to me - not being made out to be something I'm not, that is - and ties into what I told you way back when about not having a fursona as such, and more being a snow leopard in how I think and act and feel.

That gives you three different choices, and once again, I'd prefer the one directly above. Please let me know how that / those sound(s) to you.

About an hour after I sent that, he responded, seemingly ignoring almost all of my reply, to say this:

It sounds like what you're upset about is the comment where I said that being hollow is the same as being autistic.

I am planning to write another story set in this world, which uses the same theme. If you want, I will post an additional comment reply explaining your reservations about having that label applied to you. I can also clarify -- including in an author's note at the start of the story -- that you aren't comfortable with being labeled autistic and your character being that way is an artifice contrived for the sake of the story.

Are you okay with that?

Which was shortly followed up with

Clarification: The story I can put the author's note at the beginning of is Prized Possession, not the next one. Your character will not appear in the next one. I would have asked permission if I were planning for him to be in it.

The reply I sent to those messages, and what I'm still waiting to hear back from him about now goes like this:

Before I respond to your second message, I'd like you to explain what you dislike about the third option I gave in my previous email. I thought it was completely fair, and that it respected both your integrity and mine. I don't want you to say that I'm not autistic, and I don't want you to say that I *am* autistic. As matter of fact, I'd strongly prefer you avoided saying anything else about me without gaining my approval first, which is why I gave you an actual comment you could post in that other one's place. I'd prefer you simply hid that old comment and posted a new reply in its place, because that's all that is required to settle this. I don't want an author's note up at the top of the story, because that's even more going to say "This story is about somebody else, but I" (you) "take it where I want".

And towards the clarification, this is where I draw the line. It is not a separate character. It is me. I'll no longer be insulted by you referring to the main character in Prized Possession as "your character" or "him", or anything else in the third person. It may be a fictional story, yes, but I am not. While we're talking though, there's something I would like to be completely certain about. Since this other person still hasn't responded to me, am I allowed to commission a second story from you, with a different idea than I had before, and if so, why not? The fact that we seem to both be constantly rubbing each other the wrong way anymore would seem to be proof enough, but the only other author I know of has been missing for quite some time now, and I've been giving only passing thought to the idea of writing a story myself.

Oh, and as for the other story you plan on writing in the same world, I should say thanks in advance for telling me something that will undoubtedly become a fair bit of depression down the line (what was unique will no longer be), and otherwise, I plead with you to leave the statue room in the cave alone. I am seriously about two steps away from saying "screw it" and throwing all of this away, and the idea of you, say, writing about somebody finding their way into the statue room, killing themselves there, and their spirit being what possesses the snow leopard statue and thus jumps into and turns me into a snow leopard in Prized Possession would be the straw that breaks *my* back, spirit, and just about everything else.

I don't even feel like commenting right now. Maybe this will serve as evidence to one or more persons in the future that he's once again more concerned with his own ends than writing about what other people want and respecting their wishes. I'm not perfect in this either, because I could've found a nicer way to say I was tired of him insulting me, but this never should've gone past my first request when the story was being written to change something that he was personally invested in. Maybe I'll get to responding to individual pieces of that later, but for now, if this goes further than him sending me a reply and me responding to that without reaching a resolution, I will call it off. The book is the only thing that will belong to me, and as for the story, the only personally relevant bits left in it will be that I turn into a snow leopard, and that I'm somewhat odd and reclusive. It's frankly quite pathetic to imagine it coming to that, but one of us has to give in and bow out, and it might as well be me, because apparently I'm the only one who cares about how I feel.

It's definitely about time I went off to do dishes though. Dad knocked on my door a little while ago, and when I opened it he said that they had all rushed through supper so I could have all the dishes ready to be washed by 6:00, meanwhile it's after 9:00 now. But before I do that, continuing the same Doctor Who-related trend, I'd say there's about an 85% chance of everything being finished now. Quite a jump from last night, but now I have to go wash dishes. And maybe make an unplanned visit to Tim Hortons a bit later. That would be a nice treat <3

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