Karadur Inacu  (karadur) wrote,
Karadur Inacu 

I Practically Feel At Home

Starting at last night, I experienced two separate odd moments during hour or so before I went to bed. The first happened when I was writing this entry, and reached up into the air expecting to hit the bottom of my top bunk only to encounter no such resistance, and the other was when I'd nearly fallen asleep, but was jarred awake again by a show some other people were watching out in the living room getting loud for a moment. The former was mostly unremarkable after getting over the strangeness of being able to fully extend my hand and arm, but the latter was kind of strange. It was a loud voice, and being in my nearly-asleep state it seemed somehow more real than normal. Of course, I curled back up under my blanket shortly after realizing what it was, but yeah. As for today, however, let's just start at the beginning.

I woke up at 11:30 yet again. No alarm, and two times prior to that I had to make the conscious decision to flip over so the other side of my head would be on the pillow and go back to sleep, so whatever to that once again. No sense fighting it, which is (or was) the same decision I came to this morning, so up I got, to go into the kitchen for a glass of water, followed by heading back to the bedroom to check my RSS feeds for new items. I should probably mention at this point that the past couple mornings have apparently been unofficially designated as naked time(s). Not on my part, once again (I'm so boring...), but on the parts of certain other persons in this apartment, which is just kind of amusing. Anyways, Xion came into the room shortly after I laid down again (whether or not he was wearing clothes will be a mystery), and the three of us mostly just talked for a bit. Topics of discussion were along the lines of a new roommate they have needing to have his stuff moved into the living room, but the living room was still in a state of disarray from the party, so I eventually said we didn't have anything else planned, and thus could work on that. My idea was dismissed on the grounds that the new roommate was kind of touchy about their things being touched (no pun intended), which is understandable because I would feel incredibly uncomfortable to go home and find that, say, they switched Naomi's and my room completely around while I was away. At any rate, I can't remember exactly how it was brought into conversation, but eventually he (Xion) ended up going into his room and coming back with both a box of things from the house he used to live in as well as an old photo album, and we just looked through them and talked. Maybe that's simple and normal to other people, but to me, the guy is only my friend in that he's a friend of a friend, and as such it was quite a gesture for him to share those pictures and other mementos with me as well.

The afternoon following that proceeded mostly normally from my point of view. I didn't want to just lay in bed all day, so I got up again, and went out to tidy up the living room. Oh, sure, it's not my living room so it might even be seen as somewhat rude to take it upon myself to clean it up, but like I told Dan quite a while prior to coming here this second time, I must help out in some way. I must be able to contribute and not feel like some random acquaintance who's just taking up space. Such is also the reason that - once I was finished tidying up the dining room - I washed and dried the dishes that were waiting to be washed in the kitchen. I like doing little things to help <3 Moving on though, like I mentioned in my entry yesterday, my plans for the afternoon consisted entirely of going out to Tim Hortons at some point, and I eventually got as far as telling Dan "I think I'll leave around [time]", but never actually went. Why? Because after finishing the dishes, I sat back down in the living room (it should be noted that Xion was out there as well), played StepMania for a bit, and received more kinds words from him (Xion) about how he likes anything I bake, so I pointed out that there was a second, different cake in the fridge this time, which he immediately went to have a piece of. Once again, little things I can do <3 Baking is a somewhat special case though, because that's an interest I have, so being able to share it with other people and them actually appreciating the result is quite gratifying. Anyways, he went off to do things on his own again after that, and Dan came out almost immediately after, so we watched a couple episodes of Ghost Whisperer, which was remarkably cozy after I went back to the bedroom to grab my blanket. Even though I'd already watched the episodes he put on then, just being able to lay there and enjoy the moment was immensely satisfying. It was about halfway through the second episode that I told him I was probably going to head out to Tim Hortons at 7, and he said he would come along too, adding that he was "just tired from the party last night". As it would turn out though, no visit was made to that establishment today. In fact, the closest I've come to leaving the apartment was just before the storm earlier, when I was standing at the window looking at the dark, menacing clouds. Instead, we ate at home, which is / was another moment in and of itself.

First of all, I perked up the moment Xion and Chris (that is the name I've heard him referred to by most often) came out into the living room again and asked what we were thinking about doing for supper. I said that we were thinking of going to Tim Hortons, and as such that he was welcome to come along and get something from Wendy's, but he figuratively shook his head at that, explaining that he would rather use the food he bought when we went grocery shopping the other day, and that he didn't mind us eating it. In his words, "dinner's on me", which is yet another - to my mind - profound statement to make. Again, for all intents and purposes he is just a friend of a friend, and I am part of this apartment-hold (as opposed to household) of people only because I'm staying here until the end of the week, but still, I am part of this group. Or at least that's the impression I got. I mean, as hard on myself as it may sound, I can't find any specific reason for why Dan Skunk or Xion or anybody else in this apartment would want me here. I did bake cookies and cake along with a couple other things, but I wasn't invited up for that reason. In fact, thinking back to when he first made the offer, Dan said that he would "love to have me here to talk sometime", and have we talked all that much, out of both visits thus far? Not really. We do exchange words as normal, but as of yet we haven't gotten into an in-depth conversation about anything. Meanwhile I also distinctly remember him saying "I really liked having you here" in MSN when I made it back home back in March. So apparently my perception is really skewed or something. It feels like all I'm doing is just hanging out for an extended period of time, which is bound to get boring sooner or later. Also, just for reference, I am once again not upset about the above. It seems like a rather distinct difference, so I'm mostly just taking notice of it.

Getting back to tonight though, the guy I know as Chris made most of supper, and in the meantime, I set about making my first-ever batch of apple crisp. The only thing I would do differently in the future is cutting the skin off of the apples first, but aside from that minor detail, it was good, and there are still enough apples to make another batch, so I will definitely be doing that on Wednesday or Thursday. Just... I hate to go back to it again, but for as much as I prefer to keep to myself, because I'm less likely to be hurt by any manner of stimulus that way, I also like being part of a group. "So what", you might say "about your family?" I really don't know. Maybe it's that I've been part of my family for my entire life - 26 years now. Not that I can remember all of them, but maybe there's something to be said for being around different people. Mind you, even with that there are caveats, such as that while I feel at home and comfortable here, I've yet to have a problem with Dan Skunk or Xion or anybody else here such as the ones that have caused me to stop talking to other friends in the past. Well, there was that extended period of anger and resentment resulting from one of the movies we watched last time I was here, but I told him about that, and it got brought up again while we were discussing plans for this time, in that I have those movie passes to use if possible, and he was suggesting we go see the sequel to the movie I didn't like before. To be quite fair, I did have to tell him twice, but the second time I said "You're more than welcome to go if you like, but I am not going to see that movie. It's just going to make me bitter and resentful again, and I don't want that", his response was "Ohhh, okay. I can go see it when you're not here then. I don't mind." In any case, the idea is that for as well as things may be going thus far (albeit with one notable snag), I have no way of knowing if they'll last or not. I would hope so though, because for the fifth or sixth time now, I like feeling like part of the group. Now, as I was saying, supper was good, and now I'm writing this before I go to bed once again.

Bedtime tonight, however, will be earlier than the past couple days, because we have specific plans for tomorrow - to leave for the zoo at 10, and quite possibly spend the entire seven and a half hours (considering it takes two hours to get there) walking around taking pictures and spending time with the snow leopards and seeing however many animals we weren't able to last time. Mind you, my first stop tomorrow will be the gift shop, but after that, there will be the entire zoo to walk around in. Not to mention I'm thinking about suggesting going to Canada's Wonderland on Wednesday, followed by Thursday, when the company that wasn't able to make it here today will be coming over, quite possibly giving me the afternoon to go back to the mall and browse through Zellers and Dollarama again. Back when we were there on Saturday, I noticed the former sells the type of pan I need to make a new cake, and Dollarama will at least have snacks for the way home. It's probably for the best that I focus just on tomorrow for now though. Waking up at 11:30 may be easy enough, but that gives no indication of what setting my alarm for 9 will be like, nor do I know if I'll end up facing the same problem I had to deal with earlier today. I'd rather not get into specific detail, but suffice it to say, from Friday morning to this Monday afternoon, I did not defecate, to put it gently. Maybe I was sick and didn't know it, but I felt no pressing need to do so until this afternoon, at which point I did start feeling ill, and that feeling didn't go away until I was pretty much empty again. It would be unfortunate if that were to happen at the zoo tomorrow, is what I'm trying to say. Although it did before, so perhaps I should instead say that I hope it doesn't happen again. What is happening again right now, unfortunately, is this disjointed style of writing. There are all of these thoughts in my head that I want to type out, and usually I think they will be easier to write about if I take some time to figure out the best way to write about them, but that inevitably turns into not having the time, and eventually forgetting that I wanted to write about whatever those things were in the first place.

Anyways, I am now treading the very thin line between being in a good or bad mood, so I am going to end this here and probably go to bed. It's nearly 2am already, so I definitely need to soon. Until tomorrow~

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