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So Much for Work...

I'm not exactly sure how to best describe the situation I found myself in earlier tonight. "Exasperating" works pretty well, I guess, and since there wouldn't be any point to mentioning the previous if I didn't go into more detail, here's what happened. I got a ride to work because I didn't want to walk there in the heat and humidity, and entered the building exactly as normal - opened the door and stepped inside, knocked on the "Employees Only" door, waited for somebody to indicate that I could come in, pushed the button(s) needed to unlock the door, and went inside. In the instant between the door closing and me taking another step, I felt a wave of disorientation. I had an idea of where I was, but actually physically being there for the first time in about a week felt really weird. That passed quickly though, only to be replaced by confusion when both George and Orlando asked what I was doing there. Before asking them what was wrong, I checked the handwashing sheet, and found that for some reason, Orlando was scheduled to close instead of me. Immediately afterward it was revealed that due to some miscommunication, whoever answered the phone when Dad called on my behalf somehow got that I wouldn't be back for another week. Meanwhile I can't see how that possibly could've happened. Consider the following, if you will:

In my email to Mom and Dad's address, I asked them to call work for me (I didn't know that I could place a call to Chatham for free at that time) and confirm that my next scheduled shift was for Tuesday night. The reasoning was that they'd seemingly pulled a silent shift addition on me just before I left, which led to that call from George saying "Hey, I know you said you wouldn't see me until Wednesday, but you're on the schedule to close tonight as well", so I wanted to make sure they hadn't done the same while I was away, assuming I would be back on Saturday and would call to check my schedule. So to reiterate, all I effectively asked him to say / ask was "I'm calling to make sure [my] next scheduled shift is on Tuesday the 28th". In no way, shape, or form did I ask him to tell whoever answered the phone that I would be staying in Toronto another day. That didn't concern them, but I guess it's my fault for mentioning that I was thinking of staying an extra day in that email I sent. That's all notwithstanding that even if he did tell them I'd be there longer, I can't see how he could tell them I would be there for another week without checking with me first, or how whoever answered the phone could just blindly say "Oh, alright". I do know better. I would never, ever pull something like that on them, and casually pick up the phone and dial their number to say "I won't be back until next week, okay? Bye" after having already spent a week away. I am angry, but I apologized profusely in the note I left for Melissa and Sheila, and Orlando also said I could have my 5-11 shift back tomorrow, so I'll have to apologize to whichever one of them I see again then, and in the meantime, will continue to remind myself that I'm not going anywhere else for the rest of the summer (aside from to the family reunion coming up in a couple weeks, assuming I can get that day off), since it provides some relief to the embarrassment. Just... I should've gone on the notion that I wouldn't be added to the schedule to work before Tuesday because I was away and they couldn't hold me responsible for not being able to check my schedule. That would've avoided this mess.

On a completely different note now, I have a new dilemma. While talking to Dan Skunk in MSN earlier tonight, he asked if I wanted Xion to have my MSN address. You'd think after going on and on a couple entries back about how much fun I had spending time with him this past visit, I would waste no time saying yes, but I'm really torn about it in actuality. I don't want to set my concerns aside and say yes, because then I won't be prepared if something bad happens in the future, but at the same time I don't want to explain those concerns and reservations to him, for fear that they're more than somebody who isn't officially my friend would need to know. How can I say "My past experiences with MSN have been kind of ugly, so I'd appreciate your patience if I start to freak out about things that seem insignificant to you" without getting into that amount of detail? How can I tell him that I worry that if things between us go awry, that will ultimately lead to me cutting off communications with Dan Skunk as well? What do I even have to talk to him about? These are all questions that haunt my ability to have normal relationships with people, but I think it'll work to email him saying I'd like there to be an email-based icebreaker first. With Dan, it was needing somebody who I knew - even if only a little bit - to talk to about my situation that led me to ask "Does your invitation to talk still stand?" As for Xion, considering this was brought to my attention only an hour ago, I've yet to think of anything that we would have to talk about online that wasn't already discussed at the apartment, which is to say... not much. The best thing about it is that over the course of writing the above paragraph, I've become more and more open to the idea of adding him now, and explaining things later. I mean, the worst that could happen then is that we don't chat very much. On the other hand, equally appealing is the idea of waiting until a third visit and adding him when I'm actually there. This isn't quite as big a mess as that stuff concerning work (that affected multiple people), but it's taking alot more effort to think about and deal with.

As such, I would like to end by talking about a couple weird things that happened last night.

First of all, when I laid down to go to sleep, I did so without any sheets covering me. It was too hot, and I felt comfortable enough, but just before I fell asleep, I suddenly felt vulnerable and a little panicked, as if I was about to be injured by something in my room, and the only thing I could do to protect myself is pull a blanket up and over my body. So I did, and immediately felt better. I'm not sure why it happened, but then I proceeded to fall asleep, and had a spooky dream. Me and some other unknown person were driving along a city street, and proceeded to breeze right past a cop car. Apparently the police were searching for somebody in the area, and once I realized we shouldn't be driving down that road, the driver started to back up, and proceeded to breeze right past the cop (he was out of the car that time) who was coming after us. He moved his mouth as if shouting and shook his fist, running back the other direction after us, and after a short time we met. I was initially worried that we were going to get in trouble, but he seemed quite understanding - if not decidedly preoccupied as well - saying only that there was a man down the street in Food Basics (he said the actual name of the store), and that he (the cop) was waiting there to catch that man when he left the grocery store to presumably drive home, because he was a wanted and very dangerous criminal. Now, assuming all of that is coherent and makes sense, what the man is / was doing is what was creepy in this dream. I can't remember the exact phrase, but all he was doing was repeating the same phrase to everybody who walked by. Something that was otherwise completely innocent and well-intentioned, such as "have a good day", but coming from him was one of, if not the most heinous crime known to exist. I know that explanation doesn't do it justice, but even though I was dreaming, just picturing him in my mind uttering whatever the phrase was made me shiver in fright. I can't think of where else it might have come from aside from this either. Unfortunately, the more I write about this the more absurd and illogical the dream becomes, so before I completely forget why it scared me, it was like that's exactly what he was doing - repeating the same phrase over and over to everybody who walked past him, and something bad only happened if you stopped to respond, but when it did, it was worse than death. At any rate, after that point in the dream, I pictured the man uttering his phrase as mentioned above, and woke up in fright. As in, actually woke up and was scared, and had to take a couple minutes to calm down before I could get back to sleep. Fortunately, there weren't any further incidents after that, and I can only hope my dreams and near-sleep experiences are less frightening tonight.

On that note, I am going to bed, right after I send this email to Xion. That way he'll hopefully have replied by the time I wake up, and I'll have a couple hours to get back to him before going off to work at 5. It may not work out that way, of course, but I'll find out when I wake up~

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