Karadur Inacu  (karadur) wrote,
Karadur Inacu 

All of This is Boring

Boring boring boring boring boring, and you know why (why why why why)? Because for the past week plus three days, I've been hanging out - living, in fact - with friends, and by "friends", I mean "people I like being around". Compared to any other trip in the past, including the many times I went to London, I did not use my laptop much at all. For the most part, I used it to write LiveJournal entries on nights that I posted those, and otherwise, it served to look up recipes that I don't already have written down, and to provide idle entertainment before going to bed, or after everybody else had called it a night, if I wasn't tired. What I'm trying to say is that I got used to not using it, because doing things with Dan, Xion, and Chris (and / or "Gorvi", now that I know he goes by that name as well) was more fun, making this transition to coming back home and immediately reverting to the environment where I previously only really went to work and did things in my room a bloody trial. I am not actually bored yet, but I'm beginning to think that's the missing piece I need to solve the riddle of why I often have stretches of time where I feel mindlessly bored around here, but can't find anything to abate that, no matter how hard I try. That also explains why, during those times, talking to somebody online can help me feel happy for as long as we're having a conversation. Speaking of conversations though, I talked to Xion while on the train home last night, and some interesting things came up during our discourse, the most notable of them listed in the cut below:

Karadur: This is a weird feeling... I've used my laptop so little over the past week and a bit that I literally do not know what to do with it right now... It's like just hanging out and having fun has taken the place of that
Karadur: I suppose I could play 3DS games, because I do have that in my pocket right now. Thirsty first though~
Xion: yea
Xion: you miss us already dont ya kitty :P
Xion: me and chris seriously woulda kidnaped ya :P
Karadur: I honestly do
Xion: well dont be a stranger :3

I'm not sure exactly what he meant when he said that he and Chris seriously would have kidnapped me, but while I was waking around making sure I had everything packed and ready to go, he commented that I probably wouldn't mind staying, which I freely state is true. How would I react if they were to actually kidnap me? Probably badly, once the reality of not being able to go back home sunk in, but I'm not opposed to the idea of living with them on a more permanent basis either, so long as they didn't treat me any differently than they did while I was there. The last line also sticks out here though. While it's somewhat diminished now that I've heard it several times over, having somebody say that they want me to come back (even if indirectly) is an honor and a privilege <3

Karadur: I hope I was able to achieve whatever you were hoping to have happen between Chris and I when you asked me to "Give him a damn hug" as well though. He's fun to be around (largely for pestering you), and I am looking forward to seeing him again sometime, so hopefully he knows that I do like being around him
Karadur: I don't intend to be. As I said while I was packing my things up, Dan mentioned that party he's having on the 18th of February which I would absolutely like to attend and bake things for (even if I'm only there for three or four days), and the only things stopping me from talking about plans for the future are needing to discuss it with him, and wanting to wait for the right moment at work instead of going in there and immediately saying "I want more time off now"
Karadur: Days in February shouldn't be an issue though
Xion: what iwas trying to achieve was you and him bonding
Xion: and i think i suceeded :3
Karadur: *nods* I'm looking forward to chatting with him a bit online, and we do seem to be more than just acquaintances to me as well now
Xion: good <3
Xion: he needs more good people in his life
Karadur: Weird as it feels to say this, I'm flattered that you see me as a good person. Thank you :3
Xion: your welcome
Xion: you are, your sweet and kind :3
Karadur: I felt like I was becoming quite sarcastic over the past couple days myself, but that's usually how I am at work with people I get along with there, so yes <3
Xion: yea but you were always doing that in gest :P
Xion: you know i can take a joke right :P
Xion: ~nuzzles

Being told that I'm a good person is something that hasn't happened in the past couple years (if not further bac), that I can remember. Even if he pretty much admitted to wanting to use and make me a friend toward Chris, I take that as high praise. Why, if my memory serves, the only other time I can remember it happening in my entire life is one night at Josh's house, where he told me that his friend's mom wanted to know why his friend couldn't be more like him (Josh), and his mom wanted to know why he couldn't be more like me, and I wouldn't take that as a compliment even if I could go back in time, because I was pretty immature back then.

Karadur: I do, but you still seemed kind of confused when I said that Dan was probably looking for a room for you :B
Karadur: Did you put that pen back together?
Karadur: Oh, right, I suppose I should email my family to let them know I'm on the train...
Xion: yes you should
Xion: and no i didnt know what oyu meant
Xion: lol
Karadur: Done
Karadur: You were sitting in Chris's lap, and told me that you were having sex. I said "Good for you", to which you said that you liked that response, then Dan said the proper response was "Get a room"
Xion: OH
Xion: ok
Xion: lol
Karadur: Yes <3
Karadur: If I should ever do anything to deserve being smacked, I will not hold it against you :B
Xion: lol
Xion: dont worrie ~petpets~
Xion: you could tare me apart mr snow kitty :P

First of all, the "Did you put that pen back together?" was in reference to me taking a pen apart to give to Chris so he could use it to pester Xion, but which wasn't put back together before we left the apartment. Otherwise, the joke should be self-explanatory, but he really didn't get it at the time. He stood there looking half confused and half upset, but didn't ask what I was referring to. As toward being smacked, most of the time Dan insults him (in fun) and so on, Xion smacks him. He explained it as being a sign of respect (not so much being smacked, but Dan allowing himself to be, in return of making the remark) which I can understand, but that still doesn't concern me. What does is how shortly after I gave Chris the empty pen, Xion said "I think I might have to smack you for the first time ever, Karadur". He never did, for what it's worth, mostly because Chris was preventing him from getting off the couch, but what I was trying to say when I told him "I will not hold it against you" was that I think we're good enough friends that if I did or said something to him which struck a nerve and made him want to smack me, I would take it, and almost certainly turn around to make another remark before too long afterward. It's exactly like pulling pranks on people at work. Orlando is really the only one who retaliates, but even so, if / when he does something, I'll either laugh about it myself, or be completely serious so he thinks I'm upset, then find something even better to do after that.

Karadur: I think you're right about these people being temps :B
Karadur: We just stopped at the Woodstock station, so a bunch of people disembarked, then the same guy who collected our tickets asked over the intercom that "everybody sitting at the front of the train move to the back to facilitate...", then just trailed off
Xion: lol
Karadur: Sorry. Just... things going on here right now. Via Rail employees literally running down the length of the train and seemingly yelling at people outside doesn't exactly inspire confidence...
Karadur: Normally it's not like this, but as you said, things would be kind of hectic around this time of yer
Karadur: *year
Karadur: Now he's asking people if they would like any "Snacks, bevvies, or crazy drinks" *sigh*
Xion: lol
Xion: yay for christmas
Karadur: Indeed

Because the train ride home was a disorganized mess. It wouldn't have been such an issue if I only had my backpack and bag of snacks with me, but I thought I lost my luggage bag for several minutes when I got up to look for it after the announcement about being ten minutes from Chatham was made, which I was not pleased about. Really, if one word could describe the guy in charge of our car, it would be "unprofessional". Not intentionally, I don't think, but rather just from lack of trying. Stress or no stress, you should never get down into the details of why you ran from one end of the car to the other with any passenger, unless that conversation is held in private. People have a right to know if they ask, but think about how that's going to look to the people who didn't. To take an example from work again, I would probably get in a good bit of trouble if I complained about all the annoying customers we had on a given night to a different customer, just because they asked how my night was going, and what sort of incidents (if any) transpired. All that really matters is that I'm home now, yes, but taking the subway in Toronto went more smoothly and was better-controlled than taking the actual train home was.

Anyway, it's hard to believe that I'm going to say this, but I think I actually do like having friends. Still only a small group, like before (there are technically two groups in this case, but I can only see one at a time), but I actually enjoy talking and hanging out. I still do want to see myself become more open, but compared to where I was at this time last year (emotionally), I've matured quite a bit. I think aside from making plans to go back to Toronto though, the thing I want most is to hear from Chris. Before he left to go back home to be with his family for the holidays, he asked for my email address, and said I could expect to be pestered on there, but thus far, that hasn't happened. I'll try to be patient for now though, because I don't know what he has going on. I suppose I could email George again while I'm waiting, however. It's starting to feel like he won't respond even if I do, but for all I know, he didn't receive my most recent message, and in that regard, the best option is to try again.

That said though, I'm about ready for bed. I woke up at 10am today to go unwrap Christmas presents, and am still waiting for my shift on the 27th to start resetting my sleep schedule back to normal. I think everybody else enjoyed their gifts though (Adam was positively overjoyed with his 3DS) and I got some neat stuff myself, but I don't have the presence of mind to write further about it. I just wanted to get this finished, as the draft has been waiting since about this time yesterday morning, and I spent most of the rest of the night trying to fix Naomi's laptop. All too many things to do, and I want to go out to Sears tomorrow as well, so the sooner I can get started in the morning, the more time I'll have. I would still like to sleep in a bit though, so I'll try to allow myself that. 12pm would be nice enough~

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