Karadur Inacu  (karadur) wrote,
Karadur Inacu 

Pushed Back Another Month

I sent Michele an email a couple days ago about not being available during that week in February. I didn't tell her why, only saying that I had other things to attend to, but made sure to note that I could still help out before the 16th, and after the 23rd, if / when she wanted me to. I got a reply from her this morning, as follows:

OK, thanks for letting me know.

I really think that the crunch for P2P will be when the kits return to the office which will be March 5th and then after. So I’ll have you come in that week to start.

By the way I have a little gift here in my office for you from Natasha. There is some candies in a mug and a $10 gift certificate for Boston Pizza. You can come in anytime to pick it up or wait until March. See you then.

March now, is it? I still don't really mind, but this is going to turn into an extended version of what happened at work last night, where Laura changed her mind four times in the span of two and a half hours about me leaving early. I dislike being toyed with, or to put it more accurately, being led to believe that a certain answer is the truth, only for it to be rescinded before too long, but helping out at Heart and Stroke is less of an issue in amongst all of that, simply because I don't currently go there often enough for it to take time away from other things that I might prefer. As for the gift she has from Natasha, that is interesting, and I'll probably walk up there tomorrow afternoon to pick it up. I'm not sure what I could do with the gift certificate for Boston Pizza, but I still have the gift card for Bulk Barn that Michele gave me at the Christmas party last year, so it's not like I can't just keep two in my wallet instead of one.

Aside from that, however, I've had a fairly dull afternoon. I beat Ganondorf / Ganon in Master Quest last night (and on an odd note, found myself thinking during the final battle that it was Link attacking Ganon's tail - not me, so as to not feel bad about it), but still had / have skulltula tokens and other miscellany to work on, which I was doing earlier. Right now, though, I wish I didn't have to work tonight, so I could have the whole night to myself, even though that's exactly what most of last week was. Really, that's not the best thing to wish for, because of all the time I had off last week, not to mention leaving half an hour early last night as well (which was required by how there hadn't been any customers in the dining room in an hour and a half), but it would be nice all the same, if it weren't for certain expenses that will need to be dealt with as soon as possible. Mom and Dad need $210 from me this week, which is normal, but I also need a new pair of shoes, and would like to buy a train ticket for February as well, but it seems nothing is cooperating with me on that. The ideal solution would be to pay Mom and Dad with my pay from work, buy a new pair of shoes with the money Manoah owes me, and wait until the 27th (or later) to go to Via Rail, but I don't want to leave buying a ticket until then, so... whatever. I'll take the money for the ticket from my savings account, and go to Via Rail tomorrow, then stop in at Heart and Stroke on the way home. That amount can be replaced on the 27th, and I'll worry about the rest afterward.

Taking the theme of worrying in an emotional direction now though, I was pretty distraught last night. Curiosity led me to take another look at the thread Dan linked me to before, where I saw a new comment from somebody else saying they lived in Chatham. Words cannot describe how worked up I was upon seeing that - thinking that it was vital to my very being to meet the person, and wondering why I didn't feel the same way I did a couple days ago anymore, which would've negated feeling bad entirely but then I realized something just before I went to bed, and again when I woke up today. My recognizing that I'm really not a member of the furry fandom and distancing myself from it as such was put into place specifically to avoid those scenarios. Why should I worry about not knowing furries who live in the same city as me when I don't consider myself part of that group? It's like I broadcast these certain ideals (for myself), but deep down, I don't actually believe in them - insecurity, in other words, so what could I do to prevent / change that? The one idea that I can think of right now is actively telling other people - believe what I say by forcing it on other people, but the downside to that is how it would just fall apart as soon as those people stopped caring / paying attention. I think that's essentially how it worked with friends in the past. Meeting new people and talking to them would instill a sense of security in me, because I was telling somebody new about how I felt regarding various things, but eventually it would turn from new to old, and I would either just stop talking to them - Cola, for example - or have an issue about something they said or did making me feel insecure, and me breaking off contact with them, thinking that I would be better to just avoid people. In that case though, how does that apply to Dan and Xion (thus far, since Chris and I haven't talked since New Year's Eve)? I really don't know right yet, but that'll give me something to think about at work tonight. In fact, I think I'll be better off leaving this entry where it is right now, because I hadn't ever before realized what I wrote about above, and need some time to process it.

For the remaining hour and fifteen minutes though, skulltula hunting should suffice. That, and watching another episode or two of Fringe, because I am liking that show thus far~

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