Karadur Inacu  (karadur) wrote,
Karadur Inacu 

Two Will Lead to Three...

It's happening. I can certainly feel it. Yesterday night I chose to go to bed early because I felt that my trying to write about things wasn't going anywhere, and find myself in the same position again tonight. One would think writing about how the first night of my basic psychology course went would be more than enough, but sadly, it is not. The class itself went okay for the most part, but I do of course have some concerns, such as knowing nothing aside from the name of the writing style we will be required to use for our written work, and not being able to remember the word "influence" alongside "description", "explanation", and "prediction", but the first can more properly be dealt with once I'm able to determine specifically where my concerns lie (such as in not being able to remember how to format references), and the second is kind of the reason I'm taking the class. Go figure though that while I have such a hard time remembering that one word, it takes no effort whatsoever to recall the term "lysergic acid diethylamide", from watching the pilot episode of Fringe again last night. My mind is weird, but I've known about that for a while.

All in all, I feel like I've not been having a very good few days. Work on Sunday went fine, but then I came home and started downloading those movies Brandon wanted that I was personally opposed to, and was instantly all awash in what I can only describe as feeling bad for myself. Synaesthesia may not be the best way to go, but as nothing else comes to mind, I felt blue. Not so much the normal state described when one says that they "feel blue", but when I think back to how I felt, that's the color I see. It was a mixture of sadness, disinterest (of the "nothing else I could do matters" variety), and anger, and did fade away just a bit when I changed that name of the torrent to an all-caps description of how I felt about the movies, moreso when they were downloaded and I immediately deleted the torrent after making a copy of the AVI files, but it's been with me since. Were it not for still having this big list of things to download, I would probably be laying here figuratively bored out of my mind, which could lead to another set of negative emotions, but I'm not, really. I don't care for those movies. I think that's pretty evident by now, but it feels the only thing keeping me from moving on is not having anybody else to validate my opinion. The thing is, that's only the case because I don't wish to go look, but I don't wish to go look because I'm trying to find a place where I don't have to have that sort of validation in order to feel good about my beliefs. Frustrating, but I need to remind myself that the only reason this is on my mind now is because of Brandon's requests. I'll probably ask him to bring his external drive to work tomorrow, and then once he has all ~50GB of the movies he asked me to download, I will delete them from my hard drive. There is one overlapping movie between George's list and his, but oh well. They can sort that out, and unlike Brandon, I think that if George were to ask specifically if I could download that for him as well, I would have the confidence to say "No". Maybe if I get really angry / emotional about it one day, I will write an entry and explain exactly what has me going on and on, to clear the air once and for all, but until then, I'll try to maintain what has been mostly working thus far.

Something else that has me in an off mood is my sleep schedule over the past couple days. I used to wake up no later than 3pm, which was late on its own, but now, it's not uncommon for me to sleep in until closer to 4. That wouldn't be an issue if I was up late enough for proper reasons, but for the most part, I'm not getting to bed on time because I procrastinate throughout the rest of the night, and don't leave myself enough time to do what I normally would at the end. Tonight, instead of working on reinstalling Windows 7, I played Super Mario 3D Land. In defense of that, I did collect the rest of the star coins in the normal levels, but that isn't actually necessary to do. Also though, I would strongly prefer for Brandon's downloads to be finished before I do that, which, right now, are one last movie and the most recent season of a TV series. That won't be everything from his list, but I didn't want to do that just in the middle of downloading things before, because trying to pick up exactly where I left off would've been a bother. What's more, it wasn't too long ago that I mentioned how FilesTube helped me to find the episodes of Rugrats that I was missing. Up until yesterday, I had been continuing to use that site to find movies from Brandon's list, but now, well, it's largely useless. At first I thought the image at Megaupload's URL was a joke, but sadly, it appears to be real.

Anyway though, any semblance of the things I still wanted to write about is pretty much gone now, so I'm going to bed, once I set my alarm for 1pm. That way I can sleep in until 2 and hopefully fool myself into thinking that I've had as much sleep as I've been getting, but we'll see in the morning. Maybe I'll end up turning it off in my sleep like I did before...

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