Also, I think I might benefit from some more time away from the normal flow of things, because of what happened the first time I was going to go to bed last night. I made the proper decision to do that a couple minutes after 6am, so I laid down, and tossed and turned, because of everything that was still on my mind. I didn't think it would work to write an entry about them in here, because I couldn't think of any new way to approach my thoughts, and couldn't think of enough to write about to make posting two entries in a ~6 hour period work out. I used to be able to do that, but lately, it hasn't been the same, which I'm not complaining about, just for the record. I couldn't force myself to go to sleep like that though, so after brief consideration, I sat back up in bed lifted my laptop onto my lap, and proceeded to compose a lengthy email to the same Samaritans people I wrote to before. In fairness to them, I am not feeling nearly as badly as I did the first time I contacted them, but I just can't get away from these current thoughts. Alot of them have to do with that movie, but more than that, I'm dissatisfied with the way things are on a whole, and that dissatisfaction leads to what I've been going through the past couple days, being absolute lethargy, and lack of wanting to do anything at the best points to the extent that it could be considered depression. Further to that, it's not that I'm upset about being depressed, assuming that's the case, because I've been there before and surely will be there again, but it's that all these thoughts are getting to the point where I could be free of them if I could just tell them to somebody else, even without having to hear that they understand, but I don't want to force that on Chris or Xion, and have a feeling that if I go to Dan, I'm just going to end up obsessing over whether or not he understands, as happened a couple weeks ago. I still see good reason to believe that I'm better suited to solve these problems on my own, but occasionally there are things that need to tell somebody else, and this is one of them. The problem is that the state of contacting them is currently at where I did, and they've responded, but defense mechanisms or whatever they are have me telling myself that I'm feeling better, so there's no need to read their response, and I should feel embarrassed for contacting them in the first place, which I do. Maybe that'll have changed by the time I get home from work tonight.
It might actually be a long night, tomorrow included, because instead of the usual Laura, Tom, and me as closers, it's Gabby, Cheryl, and I. I usually like working with them when it's only one or the other, but the last time I remember them closing, I was put down in drive through, and they were on line, together, presumably so they could carry on conversations about things. I guess I could live with that as well though - I'll just need to be sure to bring my hand lotion, because my hands have been unusually dry after washing dishes lately, and perhaps look forward to next weekend. I'm once again closing both nights then, but the other two people are Manoah and Tom. Then again, if I think back, I recall closes with them not going all that well, because Manoah never has quite as much resolve as he says he will, but different people are always nice, and apparently the reason Manoah is closing again is to train one of the four new people Melissa hired, which should be nice as well. Maybe it won't be, but at the moment, I can think of only one thing that would create difficulties.
With that, I'm going to post this and back things up again, then start reinstalling Windows. I'd like to have all the latest updates installed (Service Pack 1 aside) before I leave for work, which, at the moment, is an attainable goal~