Karadur Inacu  (karadur) wrote,
Karadur Inacu 

Not Quite Immediate, but Almost

When we parted ways at Union Station last night, I was in line to head up the escalator to the boarding platform, and Dan was off to get a ticket to go to Oshawa, so I figured I probably wouldn't see him online for a couple days. That much was true of the train ride home, at least, but then, when I got home and settled back in and checked Instantbird again, I noticed he was online, and sent him a message saying that my prediction that it would only rain was apparently incorrect. From there, conversation eventually led to the following, which I am really really glad for, because I needed to know that he understood how I felt:

Karadur: I don't want to be too rushed about it, but so long as this storm doesn't cause complications, Melissa will be closing both tomorrow, and Saturday, so I'll try asking her about May and / or August then, and see what happens
Karadur: I do remember what you said about not needing to visit if I'm feeling miserable, but... I think that could be avoided by actually taking a break and going outside every so often <3
Dan Skunk: Oh... Just if you're not happy visiting, don't feel you need to. And if you're here, don't feel you need to do things you dont' enjoy.
Karadur: Right. Let me try to explain this now that I'm typing in here, because it's somewhat easier thinking of what to say in text instead of with words...
Karadur: And for the record, I'm not annoyed about having to clarify. I want to, just to set it straight
Karadur: Aside from specific incidents of which I am sure you are aware (the movie and too much time in the kitchen, notably), I like being able to visit you, Xion, Bungee, Chris, and whoever else happens to be there. I genuinely enjoy just hanging out and doing things with friends, because I tend to keep to myself at home (and do prefer it that way). It's not that visiting makes me unhappy, but every so often there are things that come up that do, and as I tried to explain on Tuesday before we went to the zoo, once one such thing happens, the rest comes down around it
Karadur: Regarding that entry that you were going to post a comment to specifically, being touchy about the door stemmed from already being off from having spent too much time in the kitchen. I like baking things to share with you guys, or at parties, etc., but as with all things, moderation is key, which I was missing on Friday night
Karadur: Does that make sense so far?
Karadur: Also to mention this, I wasn't upset about you calling me a fur. More or less amused, if anything
Dan Skunk: Makes sense.
Dan Skunk: I'm sure everyone appreciated the time in the kitchen, but you don't need to do that if it's bothering you.
Karadur: But that's where the second paragraph comes in. Had I taken another break (other than going out for a bit with Xion), things probably would have been fine. I didn't though, which is why they turned out differently
Karadur: And just in case that is unclear, I blame nobody but myself for not taking a break, and even if I had, I might have been too tired from sitting down to go back to making cookies, so it might be better that i didn't *shrug*
Karadur: As I said on the subway, if something should come together for May, I would book more time off before the 5th than just two days. Baking could be more spread out that way
Dan Skunk: Hmm. I think I understand.
Dan Skunk: Ok. :3
Dan Skunk: Just do as much baking as you want to. You're not being dragged over to work.
Karadur: Oh, I wanted to do as much baking as I did, to be sure. More time would have been preferable, in retrospect, but that can't be changed now
Dan Skunk: Ok.
Karadur: Now, as for not doing things that I don't want to, I've been trying to keep to that more recently, or so it seems to me. I can clearly remember making choices for myself about doing certain things or not, instead of just going along and grumbling about it to myself or in my LiveJournal or whatever
Karadur: One example from today would be going out to Dollarama on my own, instead of staying at the apartment because nobody else wanted to go. That was actually fun, because it's only the second time I've been on the subway on my own <3

By that, it becomes clear that his feelings really weren't what I originally took them to be (if you're just going to be miserable, then don't bother coming back), but instead was concerned that I wasn't enjoying my time there as much as I was putting on. I still feel really bad for how Friday night ended up for me, and know I won't be able to fully erase that as much as I wish I could, but better than that is to know that he understands. As for the mention of May, I really am hoping for that right now. I would think that if she's able to make it in to close tonight, Melissa will ask how my week away was, which will give me a way to ask about having time off in May, and then if she says yes, I can start thinking about that right away. On the other hand, if she says no, I can ask about August instead, and maybe start thinking more about going to London for a day sometime during Spring. Until then though, I still have pretty much the same list of things to do as outlined previously, with just a little bit taken off of the first one this time. Apparently I underestimated the amount of time it would take to type up just one presentation, so while I have the two from our most recent class done, I still have four and a half more to go, not to mention all of the normal things that I've come home to, like downloading TV series for Brandon and George, and needing to revert my eating habits to where they were before, so that I eat little to nothing before work, and most of my food for the day afterward, as I finished off the rest of the snacks I bought from Dollarama in about two hours after I woke up today, which was a fair bit of food. I have notes to type though, with approximately two hours to go, as I want to go to Canada Trust and Money Mart before work tonight. Even one more chapter would be decent progress~

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