Karadur Inacu  (karadur) wrote,
Karadur Inacu 

Stress is Getting to Me

More or less in the normal sense, really. I'm focused on one thing to the exclusion of most else, so when I am presented with something else that needs my attention, or a difficulty related to the topic of interest comes up, I get to be in a bad mood very quickly. The last time this happened before now was with the first report I had to write, but now, the reasons for my being on edge are decidedly more personally influenced, and have to do with something that is overall less important than most things: my hair. It's important to me, yes, but I feel like I'm taking it too far. This idea I've been discussing with Manoah is still little more than that - for it to be official, I would have to at least tell Mom and Dad "I'm considering doing this", and find some way of telling Dan that there may be something different about me in May, without ruining the surprise, because right now, it feels like I'm the only one pushing for it, and I can't sustain that. I did buy purple shampoo at Shoppers yesterday ($14 for one bottle, no less...), and then between getting home and waking up just now, purchased both a toner and silver / gray dye online. The former is being shipped priority, because I told Manoah I'd like to start this on the last Thursday of March, and then by the time the dye gets here, my hair should hopefully be well on the way to, or as white as I want it. The only thing I have to check with him about today is what he has at home for developer and powdered bleach. Apparently he has a kit, but for now, him saying that might as well be the same as me saying that I already have the toner and dye and everything, just because I'm pretty sure I know where to get it. That way, if he doesn't, there are still a couple weeks left to look around.

In other news, the past two nights of work have been overall pretty strenuous, if only for the reasons mentioned above. On Friday, I actually felt like I was extremely close to walking off line and going outside to sit down, regardless of how busy it was, because I couldn't handle everything going on all around me at once, and yesterday night, well... I still don't like closing with Manoah when there's another person there. Also, it came up on Friday that if I see somebody doing something that they shouldn't be, I should speak up, because otherwise I'm condoning their actions, yet when I pointed out on Friday that Manoah was using one of the good brooms to scrub the floor when they weren't supposed to be used for that task, and yesterday night observed that he was putting some of the hot food in bagged pans before the dining room had even closed, he essentially told me to leave it be. In other words, as I understand it, speak up if you see something being done improperly, but don't expect that to make anything change. Truly brilliant, and I even explained to him that I would probably get in more trouble from telling people not to do this or that than I would from seeing something being done that shouldn't be, and not saying anything about it. It frustrates me, but again, had I not been under as much stress, I might not have cared. I'm not actually saying it's because of stress, and he / whomever else should be more understanding, but the two would seem to be related.

Otherwise, I feel like I should be more tired today, for I was up until almost 8:00 this morning. We closed at the normal time last night, after realizing that it only made sense to stay open the extra hour if the clocks had gone back at 2am, so I went home, and proceeded to bake cookies for a good two hours. All for Manoah's mom, of course, which is alot of cookies now that they're all piled together. Thinking back, I charged her $10 for a dozen (so expensive), yet in what I made yesterday night, there are six dozen, plus two extras. Therefore, by my price, that would be ~$60 in cookies, which I suppose is fair, because she's been giving me rides home every now and then more or less since I started working there, and I don't recall giving her anything before now, but it feels like alot, and makes me wonder what I'll do next time I want to do something of the same sort. Make even more? Probably not, because as I just said, two batches make plenty, but maybe this'll turn into how I was doing things with George before. He still hasn't replied to the email I sent him asking how that cheesecake pie was, so as far as I'm concerned, the next time I'll see him is hopefully sometime during the last couple weeks of April, to give him more of the things I have downloaded, before I go away to London and Toronto. As for today though, I'll probably ask for a ride to work, just to make getting the cookies there easier, and in the meantime, play StepMania again. It's been loaded since last night, so I might as well make use of it~

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