With that set aside though, I suppose the most important thing to do would be to ask myself "How am I feeling today?" I was fine last night up until about 2 in the morning, but then I remembered yet another part of that movie I don't like - a part which hadn't come to mind at all before, so when it did, I pretty much crashed right back down again. Tried to find some slow, perhaps aggressive music, but what I did find (the second album, specifically) had a song which rapidly went from slow and subdued to fast and extreme, which invoked a feeling of such utter panic and fear that I had to pull the USB cable out instead of switching to Winamp and closing it normally. I don't get it. The first time I can recall anything of this sort at all happening (see: Dragon Realms), I was able to use music as a way to get through the things I was having trouble with, but now, it's as if my mood either changes too rapidly, or changes independent of the mood of the music, meaning that at some point or another, whatever I'm listening to becomes annoying, which only further distresses the situation. This is why I was and sort of still am interested in figuring out why I am this way. The suspect conditions are the same as before - schizoid personality disorder and Asperger's Syndrome, but if only I just knew one way or the other (assuming one of those is responsible), then I could say "I'm not wrong to feel the way I do" and be done with this. Will such a day ever come? I do not know, but let's not get all wistful now. At this moment, I feel okay, provided I don't think about the thing(s) that came to mind last night, but even then, they're fading. Perhaps with time, this will come to a point where I don't think about them at all.
Otherwise, I have the night off, with not a whole lot to do. I completed Avernum 4 before going to bed (that is, as far as I can tell, 100% completed - the only quest remaining was the final one regarding Rentar-Ihrno, which can't properly be ended anyway), and have played about an hour into 5, but I really don't know if I want to see another night spent on nothing but playing the same game. Dan's been idle all afternoon though (I did send him a message asking him to let me know when he got back), and Xion isn't online at all (upon opening Instantbird last night, I received a message of "Huh?" from him, sent at about 5:30 in the morning on Sunday, which I've been enjoying thinking about the reason for). I could try sending a message to Chris, but he's not likely to be around if Xion isn't, and I could also try playing Project DIVA PC again, considering I have about 22GB of songs for it now. Avernum 5 is probably the best bet though. A new world to explore is just too tempting <3
