The Feeling Has Returned
I'm not sure what (if any one specific thing) has me feeling the way I do right now, but I don't like it. I could likely stay just where I am for the rest of the day - up in my room - without issue, but the thing is there's stuff I want to do later, but I can't bring myself to really want to do any of it, for so much pent-up frustration over a number of things. I still want to go to work at some point, because Mary is there 'til midnight, but I also wanted to go to Value Village to look for one or two new pairs of pants, and relatively needless to say would rather not walk out there with the temperature being what it is. The obvious alternative to that would be to ask for a ride, but upon going to ask, I got an annoyed "What?!" from Dad, and I don't have the ability to disregard that right now. At any rate, I'm rapidly becoming caught up in unrelated details here. One of the things that has me so all-consumingly distracted is directly related to wanting to talk to Mary tonight, and can be described by the following:
I wish I could commit to one week or the other. Maybe still having to ask Mary about whether or not I can make changes to that time isn't helping, but I should have some idea in mind of when I want to go to Toronto again, right? If I was able to add the 12th on, going from July 31st to August 12th would be better, because the furmeet would take up a good third of that time, and offer something large to take part in / contribute to, then we'd still have lots of time left afterward to do things on our own, but there's that single day afterward that Dan wants to make plans with the people he has visiting from Ottawa for that I just can't get past. Maybe what I should do is ask to add the 12th on to my original time off request, take part completely in the furmeet (as in, be down in the party room for the entire day), and then have the 5th to myself to do whatever I want, while Dan goes out to do other things with the aforementioned Ottawa-people. That being a Sunday on a long weekend might make for less for me to be able to do, but that way I could be out enjoying myself, thus preventing the resentment toward Dan that would arise from staying in the apartment and inevitably feeling bored. I could even go out to the zoo on my own again, but as mentioned previously, that would be a Sunday, so I would likely not be able to go anywhere else after, and would probably have to rely on Xion, Chris, or Bungee being in the apartment to let me back in.
As for the 7th to 18th, the immediate advantage there would be that we (Dan, Xion, Chris, Bungee, and I) should be the only ones in the apartment. No extra people who need somewhere to sleep before / after the furmeet (even though Dan already said he wouldn't invite anyone to sleep in my bed). The other obvious upside is that we'd have the whole eleven days to ourselves, but that's also a downside, in that it would probably be too much time, in addition to that I don't want to ask Mary for a completely different set of days off without knowing absolutely for sure that we will definitely be going to one location on a certain day, and to another on a day after that, etc., not to mention bumping everything up a week was conceived only so that there would be another option in case Dan wanting to do something with his other friends complicated things to an unworkable extent. I probably am making this out to be way more complicated than it needs to be, but the reason I'm just not taking it directly to him and getting it done and over with is because he quite clearly said before that if him wanting to do something with those other people upset me / what I wanted to do, he would drop that idea. Fine for him to feel that way, but not fine for me to be that sort of imposition. Ottawa is surely alot farther away than Chatham is, and the people coming from there will presumably only be around for the weekend, whereas I'll be there for the week afterward. Back to the same thoughts as before though, what's one simple thing that could bring these nicely-proceeding thoughts to a grinding halt? Dan deciding he wants to do something on Monday as well. Sunday is fine for doing whatever with however many other people, but then Monday would be better to take to rest from the furmeet and do something that requires a lesser amount of effort. One way or the other, I can see what Xion said before starting to come through. Dan apparently wants to turn these furmeets into something more like a furry convention. The aspiration is understandable and admirable - if I was in his place, I'd probably want to do the same thing - but for those of us (such as me) who prefer a carefully-measured amount of interaction with strangers, it is (at least in this case) intensely draining. I suppose I will tell him this for now though (at least the second paragraph), then go hopefully talk to Mary after supper sometime.
Finally for today, something quite unrelated, which I may have mentioned in another entry already, but as I don't recall doing so, I will say it in here. Back in May, Xion and I were out grocery shopping, I believe, and I pulled my wallet out of my pocket to get my money. His comment as I put it away again? That I was "about the only person" who could "get away with that", because it was "actually a ladies' wallet". Is that a fact? Not to jump right into the pointed sarcasm, but I never knew there was a rule about which wallets men and women could / could not carry. I don't want a big, bulky thing like the wallet I got Dad for Christmas last year. Those do not appeal to me, and that is precisely why, when I first went looking for the wallet I have now, I focused on design, and not the gender it was designed for. The same goes for the theme for my LiveJournal that I was using for this one. Somebody actually questioned my sexual orientation over it (not in a rude way), and looking back now, I find that baffling. Am I not allowed to... you know... just like those colors? Pink, light green, and white, with a bit of blue mixed in is a pleasing combination. It does not have to say anything about my preference in regards to people - just that I like that combination of colors. It's fun to defy peoples' preconceptions, but sadly, that does not happen nearly often enough... There are other things to be done now though, starting with seeing what Dan thinks of the idea described up in the second paragraph. I imagine he'll be fine with it, but that doesn't quite indicate if anything else will be said about the week~
I wish I could commit to one week or the other. Maybe still having to ask Mary about whether or not I can make changes to that time isn't helping, but I should have some idea in mind of when I want to go to Toronto again, right? If I was able to add the 12th on, going from July 31st to August 12th would be better, because the furmeet would take up a good third of that time, and offer something large to take part in / contribute to, then we'd still have lots of time left afterward to do things on our own, but there's that single day afterward that Dan wants to make plans with the people he has visiting from Ottawa for that I just can't get past. Maybe what I should do is ask to add the 12th on to my original time off request, take part completely in the furmeet (as in, be down in the party room for the entire day), and then have the 5th to myself to do whatever I want, while Dan goes out to do other things with the aforementioned Ottawa-people. That being a Sunday on a long weekend might make for less for me to be able to do, but that way I could be out enjoying myself, thus preventing the resentment toward Dan that would arise from staying in the apartment and inevitably feeling bored. I could even go out to the zoo on my own again, but as mentioned previously, that would be a Sunday, so I would likely not be able to go anywhere else after, and would probably have to rely on Xion, Chris, or Bungee being in the apartment to let me back in.
As for the 7th to 18th, the immediate advantage there would be that we (Dan, Xion, Chris, Bungee, and I) should be the only ones in the apartment. No extra people who need somewhere to sleep before / after the furmeet (even though Dan already said he wouldn't invite anyone to sleep in my bed). The other obvious upside is that we'd have the whole eleven days to ourselves, but that's also a downside, in that it would probably be too much time, in addition to that I don't want to ask Mary for a completely different set of days off without knowing absolutely for sure that we will definitely be going to one location on a certain day, and to another on a day after that, etc., not to mention bumping everything up a week was conceived only so that there would be another option in case Dan wanting to do something with his other friends complicated things to an unworkable extent. I probably am making this out to be way more complicated than it needs to be, but the reason I'm just not taking it directly to him and getting it done and over with is because he quite clearly said before that if him wanting to do something with those other people upset me / what I wanted to do, he would drop that idea. Fine for him to feel that way, but not fine for me to be that sort of imposition. Ottawa is surely alot farther away than Chatham is, and the people coming from there will presumably only be around for the weekend, whereas I'll be there for the week afterward. Back to the same thoughts as before though, what's one simple thing that could bring these nicely-proceeding thoughts to a grinding halt? Dan deciding he wants to do something on Monday as well. Sunday is fine for doing whatever with however many other people, but then Monday would be better to take to rest from the furmeet and do something that requires a lesser amount of effort. One way or the other, I can see what Xion said before starting to come through. Dan apparently wants to turn these furmeets into something more like a furry convention. The aspiration is understandable and admirable - if I was in his place, I'd probably want to do the same thing - but for those of us (such as me) who prefer a carefully-measured amount of interaction with strangers, it is (at least in this case) intensely draining. I suppose I will tell him this for now though (at least the second paragraph), then go hopefully talk to Mary after supper sometime.
Finally for today, something quite unrelated, which I may have mentioned in another entry already, but as I don't recall doing so, I will say it in here. Back in May, Xion and I were out grocery shopping, I believe, and I pulled my wallet out of my pocket to get my money. His comment as I put it away again? That I was "about the only person" who could "get away with that", because it was "actually a ladies' wallet". Is that a fact? Not to jump right into the pointed sarcasm, but I never knew there was a rule about which wallets men and women could / could not carry. I don't want a big, bulky thing like the wallet I got Dad for Christmas last year. Those do not appeal to me, and that is precisely why, when I first went looking for the wallet I have now, I focused on design, and not the gender it was designed for. The same goes for the theme for my LiveJournal that I was using for this one. Somebody actually questioned my sexual orientation over it (not in a rude way), and looking back now, I find that baffling. Am I not allowed to... you know... just like those colors? Pink, light green, and white, with a bit of blue mixed in is a pleasing combination. It does not have to say anything about my preference in regards to people - just that I like that combination of colors. It's fun to defy peoples' preconceptions, but sadly, that does not happen nearly often enough... There are other things to be done now though, starting with seeing what Dan thinks of the idea described up in the second paragraph. I imagine he'll be fine with it, but that doesn't quite indicate if anything else will be said about the week~
Comments