Karadur Inacu  (karadur) wrote,
Karadur Inacu 

I Feel so Guilty

About camping, of all things. I composed an email to Dan last night, which was left as a draft until I woke up in the morning, because through finishing writing an email to George, I remembered a couple things I forgot to say or ask about while I was at / just after I came home from Toronto. One topic was something that happened at the furmeet. Presumably unbeknownst to either he or Bungee, somebody was up dancing on top of a table in the first room, and it was wobbling a fair bit. I didn't say anything then, because I didn't know if it was my place, but wanted to ask if, having said I want to be staff at furmeets in the future, asking them to get down would be called for, and if so, how I should approach that. Another topic was money. When I went there at the beginning of the month, he owed me $40 for plates, plastic utensils, and extra pop that I bought for the furmeet in May with my own money. He remembered up until the night before the furmeet then, and after that, between him paying for my supper when we went to Golden Griddle, and saying he was thinking about buying a container from Dollarama to put the rest of my baking supplies in, I began to wonder if I shouldn't just say we were even. That would leave ~$20 unaccounted for though. The third and final topic was camping, obviously. Simply stated, well... I can't even write about that. The rest of this paragraph came out easily enough, but as soon as I got to thinking about camping, it's as if my mind said "No, I want nothing to do with that", meanwhile, I know almost for certain that if I were to say "No, I want nothing to do with that" (in the same sense as saying "I don't want to go camping again", I would end up changing my mind eventually. I want to do it again, but to copy what I said in the email, I tend to enjoy things more when we don't stray too far away from home - especially when I know that I'll be back within the night, and prior to that trip, I hadn't been camping in a very long time, so it was a big shock to suddenly be separated from the surroundings I was used to being among at night. It may be that if other people came with us, or we did more than just have a fire and go to bed, I might be able to find some reason to stay longer, but the first time was just boring, and it felt like the only reason we were there was to do something other than sitting in front of the TV at home. Toward the email on a whole though, I suppose it would be best if I had Instantbird open so we could talk about it, but right now, no.

Needless to say, the past couple days haven't been particularly fun. Monday was a bit better, because I organized my closet, and started on a proper reply to George, but then yesterday... I went out with Mom to do some running around in the afternoon - to Walmart for cereal and Kraft Dinner, Dollarama for a couple bowls, and Payless for shoes that they ended up not having (hopefully Zellers has something similar tomorrow), which was all fine. In fact, I was fine right up until ~10:30, when I started wondering about what I should do for supper. I wanted to get pizza from Dominos, because it was Tuesday, so I could get a free pizza with it, but at the same time didn't want to, because I'd eaten too much on Monday. Indecision piled on indecision to the point where I closed my laptop, turned the light off, and just layed in bed with my eyes closed, thinking about other things. I must have fallen asleep eventually, because all I remember from there is tossing and turning a bit, and waking up again at ~12:30, whereupon I promptly called Pizza Tonite, even though I got something from there just last week as well. It's getting really carried away, but that's what happens when I don't have specific things to keep me busy. Added to stress over things mentioned above, and I don't know what to do, so I hope getting back to work starting with tonight will provide me with soem balance. Laura is the closing manager though, and the two of us usually keep to ourselves, which is pretty much the same as what's going on here. Overall, I don't like this, but I've yet to define "this" in a way that allows me to figure out where I could go with it. Am I out of sorts because I'm still waiting to hear from Mary about getting time off in November? Is it because there are things I want to talk to Dan about, to the point where I have to send him an email to get them off my mind, even though he won't be back for another week at least? Could it be because I can't properly do the one thing I want to do (backups) until the end of the month, thus preventing me from concentrating fully on other things, or could it be because I'm still not completely adjusted to being here again, even though it's never taken this long before? Not knowing is frustrating, but I think I've pretty much covered that by now. I still have about an hour before I need to leave for work though, so I'm going to resume what I was doing before - playing Super Mario World hacks, and watching episodes of Deep Space 9. Maybe I'll open Instantbird just before I leave, too, and tomorrow afternoon, try to talk to Dan about those things I emailed him about, even though he may still be away. Oh, and because I didn't want be so direct in my comment to his entry, he said the following in one of the posts he made earlier today: "When I did, the super said I do such a beautiful job cleaning that she's happy to rent [the party room] to me." Other people do help, yes? Is it too much to say "we"? I don't believe we get any credit otherwise, but again, under normal circumstances, I might not care about that. It's just something that stuck out today...

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