Karadur Inacu  (karadur) wrote,
Karadur Inacu 

Not Pleased With Myself

Why not have a quite early entry tonight? I'm pretty miffed with myself, but don't want to wait until later to write about why, and being only ~1am, it's too early to do anything else. I haven't been anywhere special for food today, so I'm obviously going out to 7-11 later, but it is not later yet, and hopefully I can clear my mind before then.

For one, I'm let down by how I talk to people when I want to talk, versus when they want to. For the past couple days, I've been talking with Dan about some things, one of which was money, but it was always from an angle of hoping to have enough to go visit him again in November. I realized near the end of our conversation tonight that I should be fine no matter which way one looks at it - with our next pay, I'll be getting what vacation pay I've accrued since it was last paid out, holiday pay for working on Thanksgiving, and normal hours worked-based pay, which should make for a decent amount, on top of which is the fact that there's another two weeks (almost) between the 19th of October and 2nd of November, so I'll hopefully be making just about $600 more, which would be plenty - and then he said that he should able to pay off a fair bit of money on his credit card by the end of the month. Things fell apart from there. All I asked after was if he was staying in Ajax until the middle of the month, or if that's when he wanted to start buying things for the furmeet, but I couldn't come up with anything else to say. I just sat back, somewhat frustrated, and watched episodes of Restaurant Impossible while waiting for files from my PSP memory sticks to copy over. I fell asleep at one point during that, and when I woke up again (~20 minutes later), he still hadn't said anything else, so I decided to leave it be, and closed the conversation window. I suppose I shouldn't feel bad about it, because it would make me feel worse to try and make conversation, but he's always there when I want to talk about something (aside from when they were all away at a furry convention, and a couple other points where I knew he was away), so I'd like to be able to do the same for him...

For two, how can I put this in a single sentence? I get really frustrated when how I act / what I say doesn't match how I want to be perceived. To put that into context, I was at the bank this afternoon to get money for Mom and Dad, and while I was waiting in line, one of the women who works there came up and said that "they" had been talking about me on the radio "the other day". She went on to tell me that it was during the morning, and they'd started off talking about the tails that move according to one's mood, then said that it was "just like that cat guy", or something. She told me I'd have to look it up online, and I tried to, but the closest I could come up with was a couple of the comments here. It seems I'm also known as "The Taco Bell guy", but I digress. Dan mentioned something vaguely similar about himself last time I was there - a friend of his had heard mention of his furmeets on some radio station, which I was envious of at the time. Even though I don't particularly like attention from people I don't know, I wanted that sort of recognition, but I'm getting kind of off-topic here. After mentioning some other things, I told Dan about that when I got home from running around, and looking back now, conversation on the topic from there was pretty annoying. I've said many times before that I do what I do because it's what makes me me - not for attention - but I sort of like it all the same. Even if I need my space, and it was only a brief couple words, being mentioned on the radio is kind of a pat on the back (the word I'm actually looking for is "validation") - I like it - but in the case of that conversation with Dan, I try to play it off like it's nothing, and that I have better things to do and think about / that it doesn't mean anything to me / that I don't need it, but that's not the case, and it's annoying. Having said that, like I told him, that's three new things of the same general sort in the same number of days. What will happen tomorrow?

In better news, backups are all complete for another month, as far as I can tell. Updated files have been uploaded to Mediafire, all of my external hard drives and related cords have been put away, I've had a shower, and if it weren't 1 in the morning, I would vacuum, but that's good enough. I think there's only one other thing worth mentioning right now, and that is the package I picked up today. The ears and additional ear types look and work fine (although the ears seem to need to calibrate first, which had me confused for a bit), and I'm happy with them, but what I'm really pleased with is the seller themselves. There's a note on the outside of the box that says "Dear" (with a smiley face inside the D) "Postman, Thank you for your safe delivery to my friend", and inside, well, in addition to the items I paid for, I found another note folded up into the shape of a heart, which I haven't unfolded / read yet, and a small bag of Calbee brand chips. Yes. I wish I could give them six out of five stars when I leave feedback, because I'm quite pleased. It's not the extras themselves, but the idea behind it. With that though, I think this is all I have to say for now. The second and third paragraphs were the most important parts, anyway~

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