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Done With Black Mesa

With the one I downloaded last night, that'll be three different versions (torrents) of the game I tried, and none of them worked. The first played properly for the first couple hours, but then started to crash whenever I loaded my saved game. The second crashed just as soon as I opened the game, and the third, well, I have to assume it was meant to be used with Steam, because there were no .exe files to be found in the main folder. Why do I need it? So I can have another game to pick from when I'm bored? I can't recall the last time I spent more than an hour playing a game (not emulated) on my laptop. All I really ever do is work on things, and watch TV shows, so there's not much point to putting effort into something only for the sake of having it. The same could be said of Darksiders II though. Unlike Black Mesa, it works, but I haven't played it for more than half an hour since installing it. All I need (at least for now) is bSNES, bgb, and the two picross games I'm currently working on. I haven't touched either of those in a couple days, but it should be possible to have Mario no Super Picross finished before the end of the month, and Picross 2 back on track not too long after that.

Those things aren't really what I want to write about today. Games are fun, but are also largely a diversion, and until I get DJMax Technika Tune, or accumulate 9,999,999 points in Lumines, I don't foresee having much to write about regarding them. One of the first things I do want to say, however, is that I had a pretty rough night yesterday. Between not having anything particularly interesting to do, and being in a somewhat morose mood, I laid down in bed at ~2:30, and sometime between 3 and 3:30, decided I was just going to call it a night. As I said before, Thursdays always seem to go like that now. I need to not go to Dollarama next week, and find more to do during the afternoon than just washing dishes, so by ~10pm, I can feel like I've had a full day, and also not have eaten too much, so I can justify going out for snacks, which would split up those remaining ~6 hours. Something needs to change, at any rate, and I've got a week to think about what. Beyond that though, it wasn't as simple as just telling myself I would go to bed early, and laying down to fall asleep. It can never be so simple.

Genius me got curious earlier in the night (after the dishes were done) and just had to have a look at current auctions on Furbuy. One of them was for a custom icon of a clouded leopard (although the seller also claimed they could make it a snow leopard) with its head cut off, for Halloween. It didn't quite ruin my night, but it did thoroughly piss me off. It's sick. Disgusting. At a couple different points I found myself hoping something bad would happen to the seller to make them question their decisions, but all the same, I quickly remembered that it wasn't right for me to feel that way, which seems to be my new favorite excuse whenever issues like this one come up. I know I'm wrong to feel the way I do, which is what really causes the problem. That is true, to an extent, but I can't help feeling like it's just my way of asking the other person not to be angry at me - I'm already plenty angry at myself, so it wouldn't be of any help. Back to the picture though, it's just that - a picture, but I don't know what else to say about it right now. Maybe I should make a conscious effort to not take it so seriously, or to flat-out ignore it on the grounds that it's not something I approve of, but I feel like I'm on the fence with that right now, so what happens if I climb down the other side? I feel like that would ultimately lead to me becoming complacent and utterly uninterested, which itself would eventually lead to me saying "Oh, that? Yeah, that means nothing to me anymore. I no longer care." Maybe that's what one of the dreams I had last night touched on, but I'd still like to think there's a middle ground between fervent and apathetic...

In other news, I did have two distinct, interesting dreams last night, but per usual, most of the details escape me now. In the first, I was already in Toronto. Dan and I were at the zoo, but he was somewhere up ahead of me, so I was trying to catch up with him. Along the way, I walked up to the snow leopard enclosure, and saw the two of them inside, which caught me by surprise, because I was still expecting that area to be completely empty. It was then that I noticed Dan up ahead, resting against the wall, watching one through the glass. Instead of joining him though, I got right up close to the window, and watched in surprise as the one in view got up, and walked toward me, seemingly looking me straight in the eye as it got close, with almost a smile on its face. Frustratingly, I woke up just after that, and when I went back to sleep, the dream that unfolded was of a decidedly different nature. Despite not having listened to any of the audiobooks yet, it felt like I was taking place in a Redwall story. The only part I distinctly remember though was being entrusted with a triangular box made out of clear plastic, which was supposedly the key to an amazing secret. In order to properly activate it though, one had to input two codes, by flipping dials of numbers on the inside of the box, and pressing them in when the correct number was facing forward. I know the first code was 12345 (yes), but then I had to input a date, which I couldn't remember. I knew the month was September, but couldn't remember the day and year. It wouldn't have been of much help anyway though, because I woke up again after that, and don't remember having any dreams when I went back to sleep again afterward. It was just interesting how they both seemed so realistic, and felt like they went on for quite a while, only to wake up and realize that they had just been dreams. Maybe that's what I get for going to bed early, but I still don't intend to make a habit of that.

It's about time I was getting ready to leave for work now though. My main concern for tonight is that I get the money I'm owed, because Tom and Manoah are the other closers, and they both owe me some. $120 would be ideal, but we'll see when I go in there. Manoah might try to delay for another couple weeks, and I won't have that...

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