Karadur Inacu  (karadur) wrote,
Karadur Inacu 

Day 3: Same as Before

I really don't know why I'm bothering with this today. Nothing has changed from before - I'm still right miserable and not in the mood to do anything, including going to work, but instead of writing another entry to just complain and be angry at myself for being this way, why not try to write about other things?

To start, I spent at least 2 hours writing a ~6,500 word email about the state of everything last night. I didn't send it to Dan. Hell no. I'm fully aware that I'm the one who has the problem, in the form of that when I'm not there, I for some reason see him as being distant and uncaring and (in some cases) a jerk, and I didn't send it to Totts or Squeeze either, because I still haven't heard back from Totts (I did read Dan's response to the first email I sent him while I was there last night, and discovered that the probable reason for her responding right when she did is Dan telling her I was upset...), and am getting a little annoyed with waiting but that's a different story, and haven't heard from Squeeze other than her saying that she was too stressed out to write a proper reply right then. Instead, I sent it to the same people / service I've written to before, and have received a response now, but haven't read past the preview, which says "Hi, We hope that sharing all of your thoughts with us has helped you. How did you feel before and [...]". I do want to get back to it eventually, but at this rate, that might not be until as late as tomorrow afternoon, ultimately because of the way last night went. By the time I finished writing that email, I was too tired to have a shower, so I told myself I would call it a night early - around 5, I think - and wake up at noon, to have a shower right away. I did, but either because I woke up so early, or because of the way I feel in general (or maybe both), I am extremely tired, and don't know how I'll make it through the night. Bring an energy drink? Yes, perhaps, but I like to save those for Saturday. I figure I'll be awake enough to not go to bed straight away by the time I get home, but right now, I wish I didn't have to work tonight, so I could take a nap. Know what'll be even better than going to work tonight though? Going to work tomorrow. Not only will Dan still be at MFF, but I'll be reminded that just a week ago, we were having a furmeet. Yay. I remember him trying to offer consolation at the prospect of not being able to attend one or more in the future by saying it wouldn't matter so much if I missed one, but to me, it would. I am sick and tired of not having enough to do here to balance out how I feel when doing things there, and it really scares me to think about that, because that's the sort of thing that might push me to being so fed up with him that I seriously consider uninstalling Instantbird. I just... absolutely despise having to go back and forth.

In other news, well, I think I might just leave this here, because it doesn't really matter tonight. I'd rather read the reply to that email, and start to write one of my own. That way I can have something specific to think about at work tonight, and on the off chance that one or more other people are in fact reading this, saying less is better than more. Until later~

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