Karadur Inacu  (karadur) wrote,
Karadur Inacu 

I Feel Better Today

Pessimistically, I could say right from the beginning that it's really only because I had a better sleep last night, and slept in for a bit, unlike Thursday morning, but I do feel significantly better. All that stuff about MFF and not having enough to distract myself with still applies, but I think between the three things I have to work on / occupy myself with now, I should be able to keep those thoughts mostly at bay until next week. I have two emails to reply to, an idea for a Christmas gift to work on for Trish, and Superstar Saga as immediate diversions, along with several other things that have been piling up as a result of my not having the desire to tend to them in a timely fashion. One is the state of my room, which always seems to be an issue - on top of general disarray, I need to empty my garbage and recyclable boxes because they're starting to overflow. Another is files being piled up on my desktop, which I was just starting to organize prior to realizing it was after 6pm already, and I suppose the third could be Picross 2, which I haven't touched in a little while. I will get back to it eventually, to be sure about that, but right now, it's not a priority.

With that said though, let's abruptly jump over to something that came to mind earlier this morning, just after I woke up. It is a thought that, at the time I first had it, went something to the effect of that when I'm here, I see alot in myself of how Xion is now. One distinction that could be made is how he doesn't have a job, or do volunteer work to get out of the house / apartment like I do, but aside from those, we seem to be quite similar, and that bothers me. It's not that I find the way he lives distasteful, but it's not the sort of life I'd like to live, and yet look at me - I am! I try to brush it off by saying I prefer to keep to myself, but the fact of the matter is that isn't necessarily true either. I can tell myself it is based on how things have gone with certain friends in the past, but think about it. That was only with certain friends. I remember having nearly ten people on my MSN list before (possibly more than that), but the thing that drove me to abandoning that account, and thus stopping talking to everybody - even those people who weren't involved - was being fed up with how I seemed to be doing precious little compared to the several people who unknowingly pushed me over the edge. They were all going off to college in September, but I couldn't say that, and couldn't come up with anything substantial of my own to say. I honestly don't think I care about college. I mean, yes, it's a good way to give me an increased chance of finding a job better than the one I have now, but that's about it as far as I can tell. The real issue at that time is that I was suddenly put face to face with the prospect of a] not having anything substantial of my own to say, as mentioned above, and b] "losing" three friends who I was really just getting to know to Windsor. I suppose in theory, one way to combat that would be to have as many friends as possible. That way, there's always somebody to talk to, and always at least one person who won't be doing what the majority is. Put a twist on how Dan knows and talks to an innumerable amount of people, and that's a good way to look at it. If I were him, I'd want to know that many people for the exact reason detailed just above, but as I actually am, I'm on the complete opposite end of the spectrum. I know very few people, so not only is it easier to get into a sorry state over not having enough to do, as has been the case for the past couple days, but it's also easier for me to end up feeling like the odd one out. I thought I liked that though. I still do enjoy being off in my own little area, but clearly it can be just as much a bad thing as good.

Curiosities like those notwithstanding, work last night was pretty... interesting. It wasn't a bad shift, but I was in a pretty troubled state of mind from a combination of being tired and not being where I wanted to be. The best part was obviously the walk home, because it suddenly got really foggy, along with just being on the way home, to bed, but more interesting than that was the walk there. I'd known before I even set out that I'd probably encounter the parade, and I did, from the looks of it being only a minute too late to run cleanly across the street. In spite of that, however, I still did - excused my way through the crowd of people on the sidewalk, waited a moment to make sure the next float wasn't moving, and rushed across - and that was that. Much easier than last year, but quite a few people seemingly decided to go for food afterward, because it was really busy until 10. Even busier (apparently) between 5 and 6 though, which I suppose makes sense. People might prefer to eat before going to see the parade, and it was at ~6:30, so... yes.

I suppose I could continue writing about some other random topic now, as I still have ~20 minutes, but instead of that, I'm going to go see about supper, then probably continue playing Superstar Saga. Dan may be at MFF, but you know what? That game and the others listed at the beginning of this entry are things I want to do right here and now, which is what I wanted before, but now that I've started to think about that, I'm getting worked up again. Way to go, self. Hopefully going downstairs will be sufficient distraction~

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