Karadur Inacu  (karadur) wrote,
Karadur Inacu 

I'd Do That Again

Setting aside whatever may still be going on between Mary and Manoah, I'd be happy to close with her and Cheryl again. I wasn't entirely pleased about being put on drive through at the beginning of the night yesterday, but a combination of having the extra couple hours (from being open 'til 3), and finding enough energy inside of me to rush about with all speed getting things caught up allowed me to complete a fair portion of the extra cleaning I'd normally do tonight, and also saw us out of there at ~3:30, but that obviously wouldn't have been possible without the two of them up front. I wish I knew how to find that rushed, productive way of working on command instead of just having it come up from time to time, though. I may have been nearly shouting at customers (especially the last vehicle full of people, who pulled one minute before 3), but Mary didn't say a word, outside of asking what the matter with people was, and it was... quite enjoyable, I think. I wonder if James would agree to doing the same thing next weekend? I can't expect him to grant me special consideration for keeping my scheduled shift on Saturday (instead of trying to find somebody to take it), but to have him work on line for the first part of the night while I run around doing other things, helping him where necessary would be a nice way to make that shift different than normal. Past that though, there's one other thing I did last night, that I didn't get to on Friday, for not being able to find the right time. A couple hours into my shift, I told Mary that if it was alright, I would like to talk to her later about having more time off in February, and she said "Sure", with a smile. Later ended up not coming until about 2:30, but at that time, there was a brief break in the bar rush, and I used the opportunity to explain that I would want time off for the Family Day long weekend. She assumed I was just asking to have the Saturday off, but I tried to explain that I actually wanted more than that, although I couldn't remember the exact dates, and she said I could just leave a note in the office whenever I was able to get them sorted. Nice, isn't it? From there, one might presume that all I had to do was come home, and find the chat log where Dan and I discussed time in February again, and I would have my answer, but it's not so simple. I want to talk to Dan first, about the couple things I've been thinking about since I came home last time, but now I run the risk of getting longwinded again, so let's try this instead...

Where cuddling is concerned, I think the only reason I want to be able to do that is because to my mind, cuddling is a very emotional act, and as yet, I don't share anything with Dan that allows us to have that sort of connection. Problem with me is that even if I was able to put everything else aside, getting myself into that situation would see me having an anxiety / panic attack, and that wouldn't be very good, so what else could we do to to come close to that emotional feeling of cuddling? Why not just talk? I really liked talking to him there, but not in the typical "This is what I think" way. What I really enjoyed was the conversation(s) focused on what he and I felt, so could we do that again? Absolutely. As I told him just recently, I've been thinking a bit about bringing the non-truncated version of that story I commissioned next time I go to visit him, so I can possibly read through that aloud, and share my feelings on it, now that I'm more or less out of that mess. One thing I've already told him is how it still annoys me to think about the author lying on behalf of the person I was supposed to get a free picture from, because they thought I would be as fussy with it as I was with the story. I mean, really, how is that acceptable? I've also been thinking about what would happen if, one day, Squeeze and / or Totts or some other friend were to be over here, and saw that story. What would happen if they asked me who wrote it, so they could see about getting one of their own? I had it worked out in a better, more concise way a couple nights ago, but simply stated, I'd refuse to tell them. The service that person offers is a unique (and in some ways valuable) one, and I would not deny anybody else the opportunity to take advantage of it, but could not knowingly subject any interested persons to the author's dishonesty and advantageous nature. How does that sound? Like I'm still a bit worked up over what happened? Maybe I am, but that is how I feel, even if it comes across as a bit stubborn. As for other things (that I want to talk to Dan about), they mostly concern what I said / asked in the email I sent the night I came back home, along with MFF, and wanting to hear more about what he said regarding my living arrangement the first day I was there (refer to my entry from November 1st / 2nd for more information).

On that note though, I'm nearly late for leaving for work once again, so I will waste no time ending this. Hopefully Dan has either responded to my messages in MSN, or emails by the time I get home, and if not, I have other emails to deal with, along with Partners in Time to continue playing. Several things to look forward to~

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