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It Was Only a Dream

Assuming work tonight goes at all like I saw it before waking up today, we're in for an interesting (and slightly creepy) close. At the beginning, Laura and I were walking there together, for some reason, during about the middle of the afternoon. When we walked up, however, there was nobody inside. We didn't check the doors, but I presumed them to be locked, and the entire outside area looked like it had been just recently up and abandoned. There was litter and other bits of mess everywhere, which gave the feeling that whoever had been working before us just up and left for some reason. Laura went inside via the back door, to start getting ready for the morning / afternoon / evening (as previously stated, it felt like afternoon when we walked up, but when she went inside, it was as if we were opening), and I decided to walk around until she told me that I could come in and start my work. I walked through the drive through, first noticing the menu board. Somebody had hastily (it was hanging kind of sideways) taped up a sign with two names on it, which I assumed was done to let customers know who would be taking their order. I shrugged it off as unusual, but not really noteworthy, given the general strangeness of what we found initially, and continued walking. Shortly thereafter, I found a penny on the ground, and bent down to pick it up, then noticed another over to the right, and more beyond that. Two, three, four... I was up to five by when I found myself in front of the drive through window, which strangely nearly touched the ground. I looked in to see Laura off at the far end of the counter counting money, and, not wanting her to see me, tried to swiftly step out of the way. The problem there was how I was bent over at a really odd angle. My legs were straight, but my head was nearly level with the ground, and my spine had curved to accommodate that extra stretching, which made it really difficult to get up. I had to pretty well sit down on the ground and push myself up again, when I expected to just be able to (with some effort) stand up normally, but I did, at least partially. Before standing all the way up though, I noticed a golf ball just over to my left, which I picked up, and started to bounce on the ground. It must have hit a small stone or something, because it flew off toward the road. I ran after it, actually diving onto some grass that isn't there in real life in hopes of retrieving it, which unfortunately didn't work, but wasn't a concern for much longer. From off in the distance (about as far directly ahead of me as Victoria street is), I heard shouting, faintly at first, but it got louder and louder: "Fight! Fight! Fight!" That really frightened me for some reason, and I quickly abandoned the golf ball (I'd lost track of it anyway), and ran back around the building again, to the back door. To my surprise, I found a couple customers there. They asked if we were open, and I told them we should be shortly. A few moments passed, and either Laura came back and opened the door, or I opened it myself, intending to tell the customers I'd unlock the door to the dining room and they could enter through there, but they followed me, and that's about as far as I can remember. I know that just as I was walking in, I was wondering what I would find inside - piles of dishes? dirty / left turned on equipment? some other sign of why everybody else might have just left? - but I woke up just after that, and decided to stay awake, because it was ~2pm.

Dreams certainly are interesting, but as it goes, I'm more still annoyed with how my most recent close actually went. Same as before, there was a new note in the back to tell everybody that if it wasn't busy and / or they were bored, extra cleaning could be done, as indicated on another list nearby. I was assigned several tasks, and completed all but one yesterday night, and am now pretty displeased. I know I'm not right to feel that way, because I (along with everybody else) am expected to do what's asked of me, but a little recognition for doing more extra cleaning than most other people when there isn't a list would be nice. That, of course, goes back to not liking being told what to do though. I like to think I've proved many times now that I can be counted on to do my work without being told, but frankly, ranting on about something that's already done isn't going to help anything. Last night was annoying, I came home feeling kind of sick, possibly from fatigue, or possibly from coming into direct contact with so much bleach, and tonight just might be the same, but so be it. What really concerns me (even more than work) is how much I'm obsessing over all this stuff I've been talking about involving Dan lately. I'm getting to the point now where I absolutely have to talk to him. I have to hear from him that everything is alright, and have to ensure that he understands where I'm coming from with everything I've told him in those couple emails, which is a problem because we are still just friends. I may be talking to him more about personal stuff now, but that doesn't just suddenly make him more than a friend. I've been going back and forth about wanting to talk about those emails recently. I got really worked up yesterday because he was out, and thus wasn't available to talk, when how I should actually feel is okay, for the most part. Maybe slightly anxious, but even when I'm there, it's not like his life should revolve around me, which is where I find myself now. How does that work though? He and Blake can cuddle and be just friends for it, and yet the simple act of talking about cuddling and alternatives to it has me seeing him as well more than a friend. If I explained that, he might understand better where some of this conflict comes from, but is that something I should try to explain? It's just... really really frustrating, because I could talk about this with him so much more easily if I was there, but the closest opportunity I'll have for that isn't for another couple months, and if I try to talk to him online, I'm liable to not have the patience. I just... hate being like this, but that's pretty well all I have time to say today. Maybe I'll write another one of those more anonymous emails (not to Dan) when I get home, in hopes of working it out in a logical way, and seeing what somebody else has to say. Something to think about at work, at least~