For one, Evo has added me to his Skype contact list, and sent me at least one message. Have I read it yet? No. Of course I haven't. Squeeze sent me a couple messages too, to tell me that at the cost of staying up all night, she finished her school work, and about an hour after that, that she'd made up that sleepy icon mentioned in my previous entry. Have I clicked the link leading to that? Same as the other question, no. I will eventually, presumably before ~6, but certain things must be taken care of before others today, and this is one that takes precedence. In a slightly different direction, I was having kind of a rough night at work last night, due to being tired, and having returning thoughts of the same nature as before relating to friends, but something different occurred to me then. I don't know if this is a feasible way of looking at things, but what if, instead of insecurity, many of the issues I have could be attributed to lack of self-definition? I can feel that this or that works for me, but as soon as I see somebody else doing something different, which I find attractive myself, I want to be that way. Applied to keeping to myself, I do still prefer to keep to myself, but if I see somebody else who appears to be otherwise similar to me, but who doesn't keep to themselves, I'll feel like I should be outgoing and all of that instead. Maybe that still connects to insecurity, but that doesn't come into the initial comparison. It's when I see something that seems just as appealing as whatever I'm doing at the time that the feelings of whatever I was doing up to that point not being the right thing to do start to creep in. I know that's something that has affected me for quite a while too, because I still remember telling an old local friend that I refused to look at what other people were doing, because I didn't want to copy from them. Not that that helps to avoid the feelings of inadequacy, but... it's something different to think about.
In other news, I came home from work last night to find a message in MSN from Chris. He said "Hey snow Kitty. Late happy birthday and a happy early Xmas", and I didn't immediately respond, because I couldn't think of what to say, having not talked to him in a long time. I did eventually though, and we chatted for an hour or two from there, through which I learned that he and Xion have apparently been keeping to themselves because of certain drama going on in the furry community there. I am not privvy to the nature of said drama, but was told I should keep the same intuition that led me to send that big email to Xion for future dealings with the community at furmeets. The first thing I'm confused about in that is how apart from the time when I went out to get pop and came back to somebody telling me the police had been called, there has been no drama. I'm fully aware that's not actually the case just because I perceive it as such, but I don't consider myself part of that community, so why should I be concerned? I can help at the furmeets without directly taking part in anything going on there, and I can also help spruce up the webpage for the next meet (if and when that happens) without involving myself any more in things than I do now. I feel akin to certain people I've seen there in the past - grandparents, if I'm not mistaken, of certain attendees. They were at the meet, but they weren't there for the meet, were they? I see no reason that I shouldn't be able to continue to do the same. At any rate, he went on to more or less say that he didn't want to discourage me from visiting Toronto, and would still like to hang out in a "chill" environment, which I know from what was said then is at least not at the furmeet or around the apartment. Where does that leave? The zoo? Chris's grandparents' house in Mississauga? There are still certain things I want to do with Dan in February, and they would be intended as an accompaniment to last time, when I only did things with him, and feel like I enjoyed myself more for it. Issues with Blake aside, Dan seems not necessarily directly given to any drama, and I like things to be quiet. With all respect to them, Chris and Xion (at least) are the ones who perceive drama in the community there, so what's to say the same view wouldn't find its way to me if I hung out with them again? I'm not saying I don't want to, but I do believe I'd be just as content only doing things with Dan, and know that at least for the moment, I don't want to go all the way to Mississauga to hang out in what they feel is a better environment. Maybe, with sufficient planning, I would like to do that, but only if I could walk back to the apartment afterward. This kind of feels like going to Josh's house to stay the night on numerous occasions in the past. I liked doing that, but not enough to say that I really liked it (nothing against him), and would always head out early in the morning, to go back home and get some proper sleep. Chris and Xion are friends, but I still don't know them (nor they know me) well enough to be friends. At this point, it would also be fair to mention that I could just be getting worked up about nothing, because he seemed to be coming across as really serious when we were talking last night, when that may just be me.
...at least it's two large paragraphs today, instead of just one huge one. Those things aside though, the beginning to this week has gone about as I expected it to. Brandon's shirt arrived, along with a birthday card from Aunt Carol and Uncle Brent, as well as a check for $22.75, which I was hoping would be more. I've pretty much decided to go ask Mom or Dad about running out to Real Canadian Superstore when I finish this, so we could stop at the bank and Bulk Barn on the way there or back. If not, I can still leave early and do that before work later, which ought to be another fun night. Yesterday was Laura's first midnight close, and one of the things that helped to snap me out of the mood I was in for the first couple hours was hearing her annoyed remarks whenever another customer pulled in. Then several came in right at 11:59, so we were open a couple minutes past midnight, but she didn't seem to care about that as much. Danny helpfully stayed until 9 to wash dishes, which was the main factor in us being out of there at ~12:30, so... hopefully the same happens tonight? I'm getting to be beyond caring anymore. I've accepted that the reason it's busier than normal lately is because Christmas is only just a week and a day away. After that, and after new year-related things are over with, I should hope things go back to normal. I ought to go check about getting a ride to Real Canadian Superstore though. That's the next thing on my list for today~