Karadur Inacu  (karadur) wrote,
Karadur Inacu 

More Developments With Others...

Clearly I don't have enough time to fully write about this tonight, but some interesting things were said when I got home from work yesterday, which may have implications for tonight, depending on how busy work is. Consider the following excerpt of the chat I had with Squeeze upon getting home, edited slightly to protect / respect her privacy:

Squeeze: I needed a hug soooooooooo bad after that [stuff]..
Karadur: I mean... right now, I want to say "Meet me at the Tim Hortons across the street from the police station, or the 7-11 up the street and I could at least give you a hug", but it's 4 in the morning, and presumably at least a couple hours past [what happened before]...
Squeeze: I seriously debated on inviting you over once you got home from work because [I'd like / I need some company] but decided against it because [it wouldn't have been the best time]
Squeeze: I honestly wish it wasn't so late already
Squeeze: I would invite you over.. as I'm not like.. [to the point where I don't want anyone to see me], just strained from the day [...]
Karadur: At this point though, I think I'd be there for about half an hour before heading back home again <3
Squeeze: Which is why I said I wish it wasn't so late x3
Karadur: If it helps, next Saturday, I'm done at midnight~
Karadur: Possibly tomorrow as well, but it remains to be seen how busy it is then...
Squeeze: That'd honestly be up to you.
Squeeze: My apartment isn't nearly as bad as it was before
Squeeze: it's still not where i'd like it to be but i wouldnt mind having you over now
Squeeze: we'd have to hang out in my bedroom tho because i still dont trust the living room
Squeeze: lol
Squeeze: stupid bed bugs.
Karadur: I suppose we'll just see though. I don't want to push for that, but all the same, I wouldn't be opposed to meeting up that way, if circumstances proved favorable~

So that's... interesting. One of the problems she mentioned before was that things were moving too fast (not between us), and I have to admit I'm just starting to feel the same way. I am truly not opposed to going to meet her as a friend to somebody who is in need of one, but I've never been in this position before, so as I was thinking to myself on the way home yesterday, I'm effectively "flying by the seat of my pants". I hope I understand the metaphor, anyway, because that's the best way I can think of to describe it. It's just... I want to be there to help people - not just her, but the focus is mainly on her in this case - with problems, but I think I'm getting way too much into feeling like I'm expected to give advice, which I can't always do. I could meet her in person, but what would be expected of me there? Talking some more, or just finding other things to do? I'm just really uncertain, but it's hard, because it's only natural to want the other person to be happy, meanwhile one has to find a way to keep themselves happy at the same time. I did start talking to her a bit about what might happen in February with Xion and Chris last night, so we could pick up on that next time we talk, or we could try to talk about my own feelings about everything, so I can say "I'm willing to keep at this, but under the following condition(s)". If you are reading this, Squeeze, I don't want things to actually change just yet, but I need to figure out what I am and am not comfortable with, really.

In other news, work last night went pretty well, apart from it being too warm inside. I really enjoyed walking home in the snow, and even told myself that if it was still snowing on my way home, I'd stop at Tim Hortons for a drink, so I did, and that was a nice treat. Even if I had been offered the chance to go home early last night, I wouldn't have wanted to, because there was extra cleaning I wanted to take care of at the end of the night, but who knows what could happen tonight? All I know for sure is that if I don't leave quite promptly, I'm going to be late. I didn't mean to be back to this again, but I might as well leave now, and hope to walk quickly enough~

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