Karadur Inacu  (karadur) wrote,
Karadur Inacu 

Something is Amiss...

...but I don't know what. All I do know is that all the usual signs are present - irritability at work, inability to focus on one specific task for an extended period of time, and of course, unusual, possibly inexplicable fatigue. In a frustrating instance of turnabout, I'm actually not so tired now that I've been up to go to the bathroom and around my room a bit to tidy it up just slightly, but it's almost 5:30am, and I want to be up at noon, if possible. I took a look at this week's Giant Tiger flyer when I got home, and there are a couple things in it which I am interested in. I figure that way, I can head up to Heart and Stroke afterward, but in another afternoon of work there, then come home to wash the dishes and make Tom's cookie pizza, and hopefully have all of that done in time to still be able to go have a shower, provided Squeeze is in the mood for company tomorrow.

Outside of that, I just feel frustrated in general. I started writing an email to Chris earlier, but I can't even remember what I was going to ask him anymore. I think I wanted to know what the nature of the drama that he and Xion are isolating themselves to avoid is, but how would knowing help me? I can see how it'd give me a better idea of how they feel, and why they're doing what they're doing, but the fact still stands that I was (apart from the night after we went to the zoo) content just hanging out with Dan. I feel like there's some logic in saying I don't know Xion or Chris well enough to be able to just enjoy their company, and that the only way I could get to actually know them is by having something to talk about, but that's just making excuses. Maybe what I should do is just say "I'll be around from this time until this time. If you want to do something, let me know, but I'm not leaving the apartment unless the activity is something I'm actually interested in". I still think I'd like to go for a longer walk or two with Dan, because it'd give us more of an opportunity to talk (even though there's much more to be said for the comfortable / comforting and cozy bedroom environment), but I can't picture doing that with Chris and Xion, because I don't know either of them well enough to really be able to talk about anything. Maybe I should just leave well enough alone, at least for as long as this drama doesn't affect me, but I can't deny the possibility that Chris doesn't feel the same as Xion, and would actually want to talk / do things out of the environment that he seems to be stuck in almost all day everyday.

I also started writing a new reply to George, and got far enough into it, but I still feel like I'm trying to say everything at once. I told him about some of the more notable things that happened while I was in Toronto, but then I decided I wanted to tell him about Squeeze, Totts, and Evo, but couldn't think of any way to switch to that, and just set the draft aside for tonight. Maybe my current problem is that all these things with friends / acquaintances are becoming too much, and I need a day or two to sort out my thoughts, and decide how to proceed. I think the only people who aren't involved in some way are Totts and Evo, but just watch. I say that now, and before I go to bed, I'll think of something or other to do with them that's been bothering me. I wish Totts wouldn't just randomly go offline in the middle of conversations, but that seems pretty significant in the long run.

Apart from that, however, I just feel myself rapidly getting tired now, which is kind of nice. I hope I'm able to wake up early tomorrow, and I hope the afternoon / evening (and maybe even night) goes as I'm picturing it unfolding. ...and there. I've just started the "Close your eyes because it feels so nice" thing. It's definitely time for bed, so until tomorrow, that's it for another night~

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