Karadur Inacu  (karadur) wrote,
Karadur Inacu 

There Must Be Other Things

This is a dilem(m/n)a. I want to try to write another entry about unrelated things, because most of what I want to talk about / say regarding things with Squeeze is stuff that I'd prefer to talk directly to her about, and yet that's all I can think of. She read the big paragraph in my entry yesterday, and responded to a couple parts in Skype, essentially to the effect that she feels about the same way I do concerning remaining just friends. Neither of us wants to lose the possibility of being more than that, and by no means are things in a bad state right now, but... they're uncertain. There are several things I would like to talk to her about, as mentioned above, but what of after Tuesday this week, when she calls to check in on things with her English work? I completely understand that she'll be into isolating herself in order to get that done then, but I also don't want to wait too long to talk about those things, lest I forget what I wanted to say. For the time being, I'll be sending her a message when I get home from work tonight and going from there though. I can accept that, and if not tonight, perhaps tomorrow. I'd rather delay my backups until Tuesday / Wednesday if it means being able to talk to her, so hopefully something works out there.

In other news, work yesterday night was... fun. I was on line, which was a decision based mostly on just needing a break from drive through, and it wasn't going well at first. Both James and I kept dropping things, and I was way too slow making orders, from being distracted by other thoughts, and that's something...

I'm not trying to say anything by this, Squeeze, but consider the following: whenever we have a sleepover, as mentioned several times before, you'd find some more comfortable clothes to wear to bed. Remember also that issue I described to you about cuddling before - the same reason I was turned partly away when we were hugging before I left on Thursday / Friday? While I was at work, my mind wandered off to what it would be like if, on that night, you wore to bed what you normally wear, and the issue started becoming an issue right there on line. Not enough to be noticeable by anybody else (at least I hope), and it went away after I got more sidetracked in embarrassed disbelief at what was happening, but it still seems kind of significant. Never before has that happened when thinking about anybody - even other close-ish friends I've had before (you know the one I'm taking about - their name has a "y" in it), and for it to happen when thinking about a girl, disregarding how close I feel to you is something I can only respond to with a confused but accepting (in that I feel it's to be expected, however unanticipated) "Alright then". For anybody else reading this, I've written that in a public entry as opposed to a protected one because I feel right enough about it happening that doing so doesn't bother me, but the vagueness is there for a reason.

Getting back to work now, it wasn't until 2 that I finally started to get into gear (to use a couple words Squeeze just used when we talked before I finished writing the paragraph above), but oh, how I really got into gear then. Little sips of energy drink between orders are all that I needed to help me effectively power through the orders. Two Party Packs? I jokingly told James he sucked when I saw that up on the board, but made it through all of the tacos before he even came down from drive through, and other than that, was really enjoying being able to keep on top of things enough that staying ahead of him was actually possible. Then it was 3 before I noticed, and everything fell apart again. Maybe there were more dishes than I realized, or maybe it had been busier throughout the rest of the night than it had been on Friday, but I can't see how I can do all of line (carryover and cleaning), clean and restock his drive through area (which was a bit of a mess), and count off his till in the same amount of time it takes him to get all of the dishes done. As I remarked to myself while I was outside waiting for him at the very end of the night, it's not that we didn't get out of there until 4:30 that bothers me, because it just was one of those nights, but that concern about Mary saying something is back into full focus again. Anyway though, there's pizza for supper downstairs, and I'd like to actually eat some of that before I go to work, so this is done here, so I can go get some of that and watch another part of this Banjo-Tooie playthrough. It's quite something how they can seemingly effortlessly breeze through worlds that took me such a long time to complete...

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