Karadur Inacu  (karadur) wrote,
Karadur Inacu 

This Looks Pretty Promising

Apart from the fact that it's almost 8am and I'm still awake, the circumstances here are most interesting. Since I've come home, the sky almost appears to be getting *darker*, which to me means a storm is coming, and I'd very much like a storm just now. I can't remember the last time I showered before tonight, but I have as of now, so I'm nice and clean and dry again, which I feel is just one of several things that should contribute to getting a good sleep tonight. The others are having been over with Squeeze for a fair little while once again (more on that in a bit), being tired, and knowing that compared to when I've been getting to bed other days past, I still have plenty of time tonight. On a whole, this feels like something that would normally only happen in Toronto, and which I'd take with me as a strong, fond memory of what happened there, but I can definitely accept it happening at home too.

Anyway, I said I'd get to something else in a bit just above, yes? Where do I even start with that? From the last time I wrote an entry, Evo ended up leaving before I did, giving Squeeze and I a good few hours to talk. We talked, and she read the LiveJournal entry I wrote while I was there, and I tried to make an offhanded joke about one of her pillows which very nearly made her cry, and I still feel bad about, then we laid in bed and either talked about random things or just laid there, and... time passed. I might have fallen asleep for a bit, but it was ~8:30, then 9, and I knew I should get up and go home, but I just continued to lay there. At some point, I started to feel really anxious over how I was well past any reasonable time to just be leaving at, but what did I do? Just laid there all the same. I made a similar remark to Squeeze, and being half-asleep, she only mumbled "It's okay", so what did I do? Settled very slightly more comfortably into bed, and tried to fall back asleep. I recall putting my arm right over her as if I was giving her a hug, and laying like that, as well as falling asleep holding hands which caused me to wake up later with my hand absolutely numb, but... yeah. The idea of having a sleepover night has been going back and forth for a bit now. I didn't think it'd happen so soon, and certainly not so spontaneously, at that, but it did, and was an enjoyable experience.

Is it any more obvious where this is leading to now? For a few moments after waking up, I wondered if I shouldn't start planning to go back home during the afternoon instead of at night, but what was eventually decided upon instead was that I would go home at ~8:30, order pizza, get a ride to Dominos from, and back to the apartment building from there, and have another night of whatever happened. It was certainly different calling home from there, but things went pretty much exactly as planned, and that's why I'm still awake once again. Evo left around 4:30 tonight, then Squeeze and I played Trauma Center for a bit, before 5:00 came, and I said that I might want to talk about the way I was feeling more than continuing to play the game. I'm still really pleased with myself for saying that, because I can still see how in the past, I would've kept on with the next operation, and the next one after that, because I didn't want to break away from what was going on. That didn't happen though, so what did we talk about? That I honestly liked the idea of the same thing happening on a regular basis from now on. Maybe not always see her on Sunday night, depending on how I'm feeling, but come Monday, head over there after work with plans to stay the night, and don't properly head back home until Tuesday night / early Wednesday morning. Furthermore, while we were getting back into cuddling again, I'm definitely extremely wary of having any more nights where that's all we do. It's nice, but I honestly don't like Squeeze just for being able to cuddle with her.

Unfortunately, I've gotten tired more quickly than I expected to, so I'll probably just wrap this up here, but the main point is that while I don't want to make any statement on how things are going yet, they seem to be in a better place, and my main concern is finding some way to preempt or otherwise manage the feelings I might have over the weekend. Closing with Heather might neatly distract from those, but maybe all along it's been that not seeing her for three days messes with my head. Other than that, plans for tomorrow are pretty simple - go grocery shopping, go to work, and either head over to Squeeze's place after work again, or have the night to myself to catch up on things here. I'm actually looking forward to the grocery shopping most right now, because there's something at Giant Tiger that I want to get, but... that's tomorrow. It's been a memorable few days, but sleep is finally catching up with me. Good thing I'm already in bed~

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