Karadur Inacu  (karadur) wrote,
Karadur Inacu 

It's Been a While

What can I say about three days worth of events in less than ten minutes? Probably not as much as I'd like to, I'm afraid, but let's see here anyway. Today, I slept until about 3:30, and laid in bed for what felt like a good couple hours after that. I'm still over staying at Squeeze's place, yes, which has been ongoing since Sunday night, in roughly the same way as before. I don't have to work tonight, so I could pretty well just stay here once again, but at 6:00, I will be going out to get a train ticket for going to Toronto, and following that, there will be other things to be dealt with. I'm not sure if Mom / Dad will take my having been home for only ~10 minutes since Sunday as indication that I won't be around to wash the dishes, but if those don't get done, I'll be doing those, and possibly taking some food from supper to bring back here. From there, it's just a matter of... preparation, specifically related to going away again, and trying to deal with all these little lingering things that I've had to deal with for at least the better part of a month now. I made up a list at work yesterday, but didn't so much as pull out my wallet to have a look at it when I got back here. I really should make an effort to start that tonight (I have a couple ideas in mind that could help, anyway), but the problem there lies in what we end up doing. I'm not going to go into details, because they're rather private, but consider yesterday afternoon, for example. I had to start work at 8, but also wanted to go get some groceries even though Mom and Naomi had already gone out, so I called Mom, and she said she could come by to pick me up at 6:30. From 6:00 to ~6:25, we did some enjoyable and new things, and then I had to go meet Mom as if nothing had ever happened. It's not bad, but our timing and ability to not get distracted could certainly stand some improvement.

Things today / yesterday aside though, it has been an interesting several days. I'm still struggling with that whole idea of thinking I should feel differently than I actually do, but even Squeeze said yesterday that she could tell just by the way I looked at and touched her that I did love her, in a way that showed through without being said. In a way though, it is at times even more distressing that other people can see in me something I am unable to see in myself. Maybe it really is clouded over by uncertainty and taking things too seriously, but all other things aside, with the utmost honesty and sincerity, I do want to continue to know her like that. I don't just mean in a cutesy way, but rather as the sort of person I used to know back when we talked in Skype every day. Again, that's where taking things too seriously comes in, but just... yeah. I'm getting there. That's really all I can say. Aside from that though, it's now nearly an hour past when I was planning to leave, so I should get ready to head out. I'm thinking I might just walk down to the bank, then ask for a ride out to Via Rail and back around to here afterward, but we'll see about that. I feel like I've been getting more rides than I have been walking recently, but less time spent outside would mean more time for me to take care of that pile of small things here. One way or the other though, it's time to go get started~

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