Karadur Inacu  (karadur) wrote,
Karadur Inacu 

That's a Fun Thought

It just randomly occurred to me that at this time next week, I will be in Toronto at the furmeet, which will have already been going on for ~4 hours. I suppose I'm ready for it, in the sense that I need only write down a grocery list of things to buy there, and make a list of things to pack, but I certainly hope it doesn't go like today has. Squeeze and I were up until ~9am, first getting back to things that we didn't have time to finish before I went to work, and then having a random hair pulling / whatnot else session on her body. Considering I was tired enough to go to sleep at ~6:30, it wasn't expected, but then I slept 'til 3:30, which kind of evens it out. She's still asleep - just said something about buying Mikey (her brother, if I'm not mistaken) a car being cute, and I'm taking the opportunity to write this now, because I'm not sure how long we'll be here for after she wakes up. Her mom called a couple minutes before 4, presumably to ask about having her lawn mowed, and I was told last night that if she (Squeeze) goes over there to do that, I could go with her and eventually get a ride to work, but I still haven't decided. I could go and get a ride, and ask to stop at Sobeys on the way in to look for Menage a Trois cookie dough for Cheryl, or I could stay here and have some time to myself to take care of that grocery list and other things, or I could call home, and ask to be picked up to go out to Dollarama, Walmart, and possibly Canadian Tire. Dollarama for chocolate bars to make s'mores cookies, and the other two places for... other things. I'm bad like that, and I haven't even opened what I bought the other day (although I did ask Squeeze to put them in a safer spot, which was fun).

Setting that aside though, I'm probably just overthinking things to a great extent again, but I'm still fairly bothered about the way I ended up feeling regarding us at work last night. The problem in this case is that it's hard to describe. I started thinking too far ahead again, which made me anxious in a bad way, which in turn made me start to slightly doubt things again. I ended up trying to explain it away to myself as still not having fully recovered from yesterday, and as hokey as that sounds, I think there's some truth to it. I already know that I legitimately like the way feeling sorry for myself feels, so it wouldn't come as a surprise at all if I was also in a way addicted to that feeling of resolution - of having a problem and overcoming it, and things being all better again. It stands to reason that when things are fine in general, the absence of that influx of feeling really good is going to get to me in a bad way, and once that starts, all of the other pieces fall into place behind it. That could also account for why at the back of my mind there was a part of me saying "No, these thoughts are wrong", but just... yeah. Getting back to the previous, even from there, my mind wanders off to wondering how it can be that I'm so uncertain about putting a more common title (such as boyfriend / girlfriend) on it. My reasoning for why seems sound enough (in brief, titles more often than not lead to insecurity), but I still feel like I should be able to at least consider that point of view without getting worked up. I really do like being each other's weirdo though, so at least that works.

In less related news now, the rest of work last night was pretty fun. There were lots of both dishes and customers, and we didn't get out until a couple minutes after 4, but I believe I had a good night despite that. As a matter of fact, even with the above thoughts on my mind in addition to everything else, I was in a better mood with customers than I have been recently. It was also the sort of night where no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't say anything to James, because I was still caught up in my own thoughts, and wanted to continue with those. That's one of the things I notice about how I feel even when I'm doubtful now, and it's definitely much nicer.

On that note though, this is once again done for the day. Squeeze is still asleep, but won't be for too much longer, or so I imagine, and I'd like to see about doing something more productive than just watching videos of somebody remove their ingrown hairs. I am feeling better for having written this though, so I'll let her read it when she wakes up, and go from there. In the meantime, let's see about other things~

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