Karadur Inacu  (karadur) wrote,
Karadur Inacu 

I Should've Gone Already

This is a familiar sort of situation. By the time I write this entry, and actually get dressed to head out, assuming I decide to do that, Squeeze will be up and active, and I'll have lost my opportunity. For whatever reason, I would really like to go out to Giant Tiger before Wednesday. Just to have a look around there and see if I can't find anything of interest, so I was already thinking about what it would be like to go out this afternoon as I was laying down to go to sleep last night. I told myself that probably wouldn't be possible though, because we already have plans for today, and yet come today, I've been awake for nearly two hours, while Squeeze has remained asleep. I suppose those plans could always be postponed though. Save them for later, when we'd both be more awake, and not run the risk of being interrupted by a phone call from Evo, but still, it's not as easy as just saying "I'll take advantage of her still being asleep to go out now".

To put it this way, since the last little bit of work yesterday night, my mind has been all over the place, in a bad way. It was enough that on the way back here, I had to sit for a short while in the small park across the street from the mall to allow all the anxiety and panic I was feeling to pass. Even when it did, and I made my way back to the apartment from there, I was still sidetracked enough that Squeeze could tell something was wrong almost immediately. The thing is that I still don't know how much I can say about it. This thing isn't causing problems now, so much as is something I want to talk with her about in hopes of finding a way for me to be more comfortable with it, but apart from that, she would rather I didn't even mention it in here, which leaves me at somewhat of a loss. Who can I talk to if I have problems or questions concerning it? I have one idea there too, which I described to her already, but for now, I suppose we'll see what happens if and when that comes up.

Setting that paragraph aside, the rest of this entry is rather delayed, on the back of her having woken up at ~5:30, and me having taken our cuddling / snuggling into less innocent territory again. I explained my idea to save the rest of those things until later to her, and she agreed, so once I finish this, I'll be packing up what things I don't need to leave here, and heading back home / to Giant Tiger / possibly to other places if I can get a ride. Knowing that I don't have to work tonight already feels a bit weird, so I do really want to get out for a bit, and as to the rest of the night after that... we'll see. I was going to write something else in here concerning overthinking things and getting too caught up in exactly what the picture I linked to in my entry yesterday described, but for the moment, knowing that it was bothering me more because I was thinking about it too much has me in an alright spot, so I'm going to try to leave it be for now, and see what happens. As a matter of fact, this entry is just going to be done here so I can start packing things up. Hopefully I still have enough time to go everywhere I want after that~

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