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It's... Nice to be Back

...hello, LiveJournal...

I don't know how long it's been since I last wrote in here. I don't know that anybody (other than Jen*) still reads these entries. I don't know if this idea I have in my head will even stick. All of those things being said though, I would like to start making use of this account / website again, if only to write about things on my days off, which is when I seemed to have stopped writing MailDiary entries.

...shall we take care of the asterisk right away? Sure, why not.

If there's one bit of hesitation I have about writing in here, it's knowing that Jen will read it, and in such, if I choose to write about something more serious, or which otherwise causes her to worry, a situation might be created on the back of something that I was only saying to address the thought. For example, Conner is being really hyper and noisy right now. If I were to comment "It's so annoying. I wish he would just go to sleep", it could very well lead to a situation that I hadn't intended to create. Whilst I sound a bit controlling to myself to want to say this, I would even ask you (yes, you, heh) to let me know what you think about whatever I have written IF you have a specific comment, but to not acknowledge the entry past reading it otherwise. Simply being told "indeed" doesn't sit right.

That aside, I should try to hurry this along, since it's already 10:30, but I guess that still leaves me an hour and a half. Time with which I'm already doing something else as well, that being waiting on Gmail Backup going through my main account, since it's apparently been nearly a YEAR since I did backups, and that's also unacceptable. Put this night to good use, then have to work 5 - close tomorrow, which may or may not be fun. Yesterday, I was scheduled only 8 - close, which is unusual, as Candy was the closing manager, and every other time she's closed on a weekday, we've been scheduled for 5 - close together. I figured she / somebody else working might call me early, if they felt they needed help, but when no call had come by 5:30, I went and made myself some sandwiches for supper, and got ready to leave for 7. When I got there though, just... everything. Dishes piled up everywhere, prep work not done, a confounded confusing mess involving a refund for a customer, general litter and debris all over the floor... The main takeaway? The only reason I didn't get called early is because "they couldn't make it to the phone". Yeah. Okay. Try MAKING TIME next time. I'd sure rather have a full, seven hour fighting chance at the night than to go in with four hours left, and have to try to make do. On the other hand, nights like that are exactly the sort where you can conclusively say that you're going to be there past the normal time, and not have to push quite as hard to make sure everything is caught up and done. In short, nothing was done, and it took us 'til about quarter to 2 to get out. The walk home was nice, at least.

I find myself once again reminiscing alot lately. Just a couple days ago, I had a dream that I was in Toronto visiting Dan, and it must have been the same morning I got there, because I was dead tired, and all I can remember was laying on the floor, feeling as if it was the most comfortable thing ever, and excitedly telling him about all these random thoughts on things that had happened in the years since the last time I saw him. Then, yesterday night on the way home, apart from griping to myself a bit about work, I had quite the animated conversation (with myself) about where I felt I was now in life, and how I wished I could go back to things the way they used to be. Such as with money, in particular. I'm horrendously poor now compared to the way things once were. There was a time I always had $1,000 in my checking account, and somewhere near $15,000 in savings, but it's all gone since. Currently, I have ~$240 in checking, the majority of which is going to pay off my credit card, and if I have any left above $50, I may use that to buy groceries. We were supposed to go out for my shopping on Thursday, but for the second week in a row now, I may push that back again. I know I have food here that can get me through to next Thursday, when we get paid again. As to savings, I have a meager TEN PERCENT of the maximum that I once did. Now, in complete fairness loans out to a handful of people total a little over $8,000, which is no small amount, and I am slowly but surely trying to set money aside in my money box, but it kind of sucks. Where money specifically is concerned, my goal until next pay is to keep $50 in my checking account, then after next pay, $200, then keep increasing by $100 per pay from there. I can do it. I know I can do it. I've just lost sight of the way things used to be.

All the same, and this is something I started thinking just earlier today, for whatever that's worth, these are just as well the sort of times which, at some unknown point in the future, I'll look back on with the same fondness. Would past me have guessed that my future self would have gotten into lockpicking? I'm not all that great yet - security pins are the devil, including but not limited to all six pins worth in the $36 Brinks I bought last week (I know that because it has a removable core and I had to take the core out to look at it and I turned the plug 180 degrees so all the key pins went up into the bible and seized everything up but because of that I managed to repin my first lock ever so hey) - but it's become an actual hobby. Would past me have guessed that Orlando and I would once again be working at the same place, and he and I would become friends? We actually have plans to go out to Glitters together at the end of this month! I suppose the one thing past me might actually have guessed is that my personality wouldn't have changed much in some areas. A couple weeks ago, I was following along (but staying out of) a conversation on Twitter about how having certain items for collectible purposes was denying them their "prime directive", and how never ever opening them was quite possibly worse than intentionally damaging and repairing them. The item in question just so happened to be one that I have too, which, for all intents and purposes, will not be removed from its shipping box, now, or maybe even in the future when we move and I can feel comfortable opening it. Of the two people having the conversation, I replied to only the person who was trying to defend themselves, to say I felt the same way, then anxiety immediately overcame me, and I closed TweetDeck in a right hurry. Not a few minutes later, I had five emails saying I'd been mentioned / replied to, including by the person who I'd intentionally excluded, as they were the antagonist. Things like that, in the area of not being able to deal with confrontation still plague me, but I know when it's going to happen, and know roughly what to expect of still sticking my neck out, so I'm already one step toward properly dealing with it.


I appear to be rambling, but that's okay, right? Another thing I miss is actually being in shape. Jen would probably say that I have no need to say that, and, amusingly, a certain person (----myscus) at the furmeets in Toronto would probably feel that I'm finally where they said I should be, but I think I could stand to lose some weight again. Obviously the weather over the past month has not been all that ideal for taking longer walks home in, but now that it's starting to get nicer out, I intend to go for proper walks again. I even wonder what Orlando would say if I proposed walking up to McNaughton, and then taking Victoria down from there, because walking home with him is another big thing. Roughly four out of five nights I close in a week, he's there as the closing manager. Because we've become friends, we walk home together, and talk about whatever there is to talk about. I'm not going to put taking longer routes before those walks, but it's hard to get out walking as much as I'd like when most of the time there's somebody else with me. All the same, I left Mary a note a couple weeks ago in which, among other things, I asked if I could still be scheduled for supper shifts here and there, because I got a legit week or so break from closes, and it was really nice. I can still close the rest of the time, sure, but if she's actually going to do the week / weekend a month thing, that'd be cool.


I think I'm starting to get to that point of running out of things to say. Why not anyway, since Gmail Backup seems to be almost done there. Oh, but I need to think of a title first. I see at least one thing hasn't changed~