It's a nice routine to get into, too. Wake up about 9:30am, get started on that right away, be finished by 11:30-ish, and have all the rest of the day afterward to work on things. Then, anywhere from 11 - 12pm, head upstairs for bed, and be asleep by 1am at latest. I know that's going to change once I go back to work, but something can be figured out for then, too. For today, since I can't remember if I mentioned it previously or not, my next shift will be on Friday the 26th, and I hope to still have enough time to write in here, and get onto the other things I want to do before we go grocery shopping.
I mostly wanted to write about a couple dreams I had last night. As one might guess, they concerned Jen, and it's strange, really, that for the fact that we're separated, and still can't see each other for another month and a half yet, you'd think having those dreams would start my day off in a bad way, but it's only been one single time so far that I've felt anything like that. Back during the first couple days, I dreamt that I was walking through her house, from the back door to the front, and the only light available was from some candles placed throughout. I didn't see her at all, but with every step I took, I felt more and more like I was entering a space where I wasn't wanted, and like it was wrong for me to even be there. I mentioned that to my dad the following morning, and he said that from what he knows about dreams, usually the things you dream about are the last things to happen in real life.
So bearing that in mind...
(the two I had last night are like polar opposites)
Can't remember how it started. Can't remember what was said beforehand or anything. Jen and I were together someplace (probably her house), and things were kind of tense. I said something about her craft scissors, because she had them in hand, when previously, they were tucked away, unused, because they had a very negative association in my mind from being what she used to cut the pant leg(s). Her response to my statement was an incredibly sardonic (and unlike her) "Yeah, because I can actually use them now", and I roughly responded in kind. I started gesturing wildly at things around the room asking "Why not cut that then!?", or "How about this!", and at some point, I threw some piece of fabric at her - possibly even the pant legs, and said something similar. Her voice wavering, she asked me if I was trying to get her to go off on me, and while I can't recall for certain, it feels right to imagine that I said "Why not!?", and went along with it.
In this one, it must have been August already, because we were hanging out together again. As before, I'm unsure of the exact location, but I'd guess we were at her house. I was laying on my back, just relaxing, thinking about things, and she was telling me about what was on her mind, and then, it was as if everything stopped for just a moment. The entire world paused, and whatever deity or cosmic force is responsible for the way things work rearranged the pieces that made up the relationship - just friends, and more than - between Jen and I - and in the same blink of an eye, she laid down beside me, put her head on my chest, and we just laid. A wave of absolute calm and relief washed over me, and a few moments later, I asked her "Does this mean things are okay again?" For whatever reason, I was expecting her to say "I guess so", but she just nodded her head slightly, smiled, eyes still closed, and murmured "Mmmhmm".
I feel like I use this word a lot lately, but honestly, toward the second one, I would be so overjoyed and ecstatic if that actually happened, but I feel like what my dad has said about things based on his experiences with relationships, and my mom saying there's a lot of hope for us as well has made my thinking kind of jaded. It's not that I feel absolutely certain that after the two months, we'll be back together again, but I feel a lot more hope for that than I did when I went to bed on that Tuesday night.
Overall, it's just... a lot of uncertainty, but there are better things I could be doing right now. Let's start with making phone calls and digging through bins in the back yard to hopefully find a USB stick...