Karadur Inacu  (karadur) wrote,
Karadur Inacu 

A Limited (But Lengthy) Update

Been a long time since I wrote in here, and even longer since I recalled a weird dream, but I had a couple last night that still stand out, and I'd like to try and remember as many of the details as I can, instead of letting them just fade in with the rest of the day.

We begin at work. Or in some sort of school building. I can't remember exactly, and the setting definitely changed after a point, but it's hard to say with dreams. I was looking at an article on some electronic device, or reading a page in a magazine that was a combination of these two posts ([1] [2], asking you to pick from either a little purple dragon, or a small orange one. The details and how and why in between are unclear, but suddenly I'm at what feels like work, dressed up full anthropomorphic style like one of them (pretty sure it was the purple one), while a (male) coworker was dressed up as the other. Though there was no other evidence to support the feeling, I assumed from us being a pair that we were dragon boyfriends, and that just felt so right and like it was meant to be. I can't recall actually working like that, rather, that's where it feels like the scene changed, and we were suddenly, briefly wandering the halls in the elementary school I went to, and just as quickly, we were back at work. Again, I have only the feeling I got at the time to go on, but let's just say from somewhere unseen, the department manager saw us and asked what was going on, to which coworker somewhat embarrassedly answered "Ask [my name]", like they were only dressed up like that because I wanted / made them, and I felt extremely silly myself, not knowing how to answer the question without giving them ten times more. Suddenly again, coworker and I are in the back room discussing the situation, and I, not knowing how to approach it right then / wanting to do something else to take my mind off everything for a moment, grabbed a broom and started to sweep the floor, which was completely covered in small debris. Started with the carpet (which doesn't actually exist because why would there be a carpet), which took forever because of the broom I was using, so I grabbed a different one, finished that area, and was abruptly called out front to explain what was going on. The feelings of embarrassment and not knowing what to say started to creep in again, but then some background bit of my consciousness kicked on, and I realized that hey, this is all a dream, and no matter what's happening here, and no matter how weird this is getting for me, coworker, or anybody else involved, it's all in my head, and whenever I wake up, things will go back to normal. It wasn't a sad or regretful feeling at all, but rather a relief, and when I did wake up some hours later, the first thing I wondered was if I had been the purple dragon, or the orange one, as that was and still is unclear. Overall though, other than the weirdness of implicating said coworker with anthropomorphic mythical creatures, and all the weirdness that fandom can entail, the dream in general felt positive, and even pleasant. Maybe / probably the reason it's stuck with me through waking up and getting out of bed to the point of wanting to write about it.

This dream continued right on the heels of the first one, but with one major difference. Coworker from the dream above had been replaced with high school friend who got me my first job. Haven't seen the guy since he moved away many years ago, so I've got no idea why he would appear in a dream, nevertheless...

I'm still at work, though the dragon theme from before has faded away, and the other person involved had changed, as noted above. It was mid-afternoon, and we were both leaving for the day, to get a ride home from his mom. He stopped to buy something on the way out, and I, trailing behind him, noticed his card was declined, but he was already on his way out the door. I called ahead to him, using his name, and he somehow stuck his hand through what should've been a solid pane of glass to open the door he'd just exited through again, paid for his items, confirmed the transaction was approved, and we were on our way. Skip ahead suddenly to being in his parents' vehicle - him in the front seat, and me in the back, as you'd expect, and he and his mom were chatting away, while I started to wonder about where I was. Like I said, I haven't seen the guy in years, and the last time I would've been with him and his parent(s) on the way to somewhere would be even farther before that, but it felt like present day, yet I remembered everything about my (as in me writing this right now) life, and there was no indication at all that I was dreaming. For those few moments, it felt like I'd somehow legitimately gone back in time, and I was on my way to be dropped off at the house I grew up in, to do whatever kind of things I did to pass my time back then, but with all the knowledge I've acquired, experiences that I've had, etc., etc. still intact. I didn't have alot of time to dwell, but I distinctly remember the feeling of potential - hopefulness, excitement, and a little bit of fear mixed in at the idea of having all those years to relive, and try to improve upon. Of course, now that I'm awake, regular life has returned, and the days that I'd envisioned are long behind me, but it was interesting while it lasted.

There. Dreams written about, and I can properly go about my day not having to worry I'm going to forget something or not want to be bothered taking the time when I get home. Still though, like usual, I wonder what prompted those. Yesterday was pretty blah overall, so by the time I got to bed for the night, I should've had a restless sleep if anything. It took me the better part of half a day to finish wrapping a present, and between that, I pretty much just stared at stuff on my laptop, and napped. Once in the morning, again in the afternoon, but for longer, then I went for a ~1 hour walk around to work and 7-11 for some things, came home and ate supper, napped for another hour or two, woke up sometime after midnight, and decided I'd rather just go to bed properly instead of waking up just to stare at my laptop some more. You'd almost think I'm depressed, but either I've become that good at ignoring / hiding it, or my life is just that uninteresting outside of work. I should sign back into Discord sooner or later, and maybe make plans to go hang out with Adam and Trish for a couple hours some night off, but I still don't feel like it. Probably in September I should force myself though, because Christmas shopping season will be starting soon, and yay.

I've mentioned work quite a few times this entry, and I haven't said much about that past my initial concerns forever ago, so why not give an update on how things are going there. Decently. It'll be three months at the end of August, I've got a pretty good handle on all of the aisles, and outside of being slow when it comes to something new / that I don't do very often (setting up / dismantling displays, for example), I feel like I'm doing well. I like truck days (pulling cases of stuff off the skid(s) and working them to the shelves), probably because that the sort of work that I feel like I was hired for, but working overstock isn't bad either, as is being in dairy. The only area I don't overly like is frozen, partly because you're on a time limit to get stuff put away before it starts to thaw, and the other part because working overstock in there means pulling stuff off the shelves essentially at random, rather than overstock in the normal grocery area which is organized by aisle. Maybe with time I'll get better at compiling a mental list of stuff that's getting low out front, but I'm not there yet.

The other problem I'm having with the job currently isn't so much part of the work, as it is a coworker (yes, the sane person referenced in dream #1 above). Their title is supervisor, which means he fits in between me and the department manager, which is fine. I get that, and I liked working with him at first, but in the weeks and months since then, he's started to wear on me, and I'm still not sure who's to blame. Rather than muddle these all into one paragraph though, I'll put them in point-form:

a] There was a night a week or two ago where we were very close to being done - I had two or three cases left, and he saw me looking up on the shelf for more space for a certain product, which turns out was already full. I knew there was another display of it off in a different area, but figured I'd finish working stuff in the aisle I was in first, then go off to do that last thing. With no indication, he grabs said case, goes off to put it away, and comes back telling me that there was a display off in said other area. I wish I'd just given him a blank stare, but I told him something like I knew and was planning to get there, but he beat me to it

b] Just last week, there was an afternoon where I had a shopping cart brimming with cardboard and plastic and other garbage, which I was planning to get rid of when I'd finished with everything that I was working on. Efficiency, right? With no warning, he proceeds to grab the cart and take off toward the back after it, and I actually had to chase him down and explain, to his mild irritation, that I was getting there. He seemed a little off toward me for the rest of the shift afterward, but that could've just as easily been in my head. Just before we left (as in, I was already halfway out the front door), I stopped to try and explain where I was coming from to him. Said that getting rid of my own cardboard, etc. is my chance to slow down and take a breather, and is also when I check the time on the computer in the back, because I don't have a watch or anything, and won't know when to go for break otherwise. Keep in mind it can take me two, three hours to fill a cart, so it's not like I'm back there all the time. I also briefly mentioned not wanting help unless I asked for it, and preferring to work on my own. He brushed me off saying it was okay and to not worry about it, and I went home, my head filled with thoughts of not being worried myself, but explaining my point of view for his benefit and understanding

c] Later on the same night mentioned above, but before we left, he took me aside to say he'd like me to start going for my lunch break sooner. Prior to that, I'd waited as long as possible - until 10pm - so I could get as much work done as I could. Going earlier wasn't and isn't a big deal - it's a difference of 60 minutes in an almost-always 9 hour shift, but is it really a coincidence that nothing was said until the night I gave him attitude? I can't see how. What's more, facing always starts at 10. Get the grocery aisles tidied up and looking presentable for the next day. Because the other people working always start in aisle 1 and work their way up, I start at 10 and work my way down when I come back. On average, I get the same amount done when I come back at 10 as I did coming back at 11 and going the same direction as everyone else. Hell, the last time I was on my own and had to face, I did 10, 8 (we usually skip 9), 7, 6, 5, 4, and the better half of 1. Mind you, I had an extra hour to work with then, but still. I would be an idiot to try and convince anyone to see it my way though. I know that already, and as I said before, it's not that big a deal.

d] The last time we worked, he asked near the beginning of the shift if I'd worked the night before. I answered yes, and, seemingly not hearing me, he proceeds to say that there were some changes made to the front and back-end displays, and to make note of what new products were there. I was aware. I'd faced the front and back end myself being the only one working in grocery the night before (noted in point C). I said as much to him, though I'm not sure if he heard me, then, when it comes time to get down to work, he asks me if I know if there are any displays for a product he had quite a surplus of anywhere else. Like... really guy? You're the supervisor! Is your job just to annoy me and ask stupid questions? Later that shift, he handed out new shirts to everybody working in grocery, which he asked us to change into then. I objected, as to my knowledge, we weren't supposed to start wearing them until Thursday, but eventually went up and put it on. Not an hour later, he comes by and says that one of the higher-ups told him we couldn't wear them for another couple days (Thursday), so I should go change again. I responded with "Well fancy that", not wanting to provoke a confrontation, and he walked away without so much as a halfhearted "Sorry" or "I was wrong". Just some gibberish baby-talk that he spouts from time to time when something unexpected or undesirable happens. Skip ahead a while, and it's 11:45 or so. I've already faced aisle 10, 8, 7 (there's alot to do in 7), and was helping in 6, where a couple other people already were. Supervisor comes up and I take one of my earphones out so he can ask "Did you start from ten?" I say yes while nodding my head, and he starts to walk away. I put my earphone back in and resume listening to whatever. He comes back, so I remove it again, and he asks "Is seven completely done?" I nod yes, put my earphone back in once again, and as he's walking away mutter under my breath "Why wouldn't it be, [supervisor]? Why wouldn't it be... I didn't touch the tins of cat food, because I could spend an hour if not more just there, but they're in 8. Pasta and international is in aisle 7, which I did in its entirely. Even if there was a concern over whether or not I'd done everything, why couldn't he go check for himself and let me know if he found something unsatisfactory? Finally, and hopefully ending off this rant-list, since I've started going for my lunch break earlier, I've also been forgoing taking a 15 minute break sometime before that. Full time staff are supposed to take two 15 minute paid breaks and a 1-hour unpaid lunch. Prior to the change, I'd take a 15 anywhere from 6:30 to 8, work until 10, go for my hour lunch, then just work the rest of the night without worrying about my other 15. Now that I have to go early, I've started to just take my first break at 9, in the form of my lunch, then, depending on how the night's gone and how I'm feeling, call it around 12:15, and not go upstairs for break, but just wander around at a leisurely pace, enjoying a treat for however long there are still freezies and popsicles in the freezer, touching up anything that looks like it needs the attention. The one potential problem I can see is it could mean bad news for me if it gets around and back to the department manager that I'm deliberately waiting until the end of the night to go for break, but that hasn't happened yet. The problem is last time I worked, I decided to call it at 12:10, and go get rid of my cardboard and garbage before taking it easy for the rest of the night. Before I had a chance to start taking it easy though, I noticed a couple cases of easy-to-put-away product that somebody had left in an aisle, so I went to deal with those. While I was in the middle of that, supervisor comes along, and without asking if I was doing anything else after that, says he would like me to start facing HABBA (the area with all the shampoo and conditioner and toothpaste and baby stuff and other such products are) when I'm done. I gave him a forced "oookaaay..." (not sure how to put it in text), while frustration filled my mind all over again. In the end, I helped bring a couple things off the floor to the back, ran upstairs to go to the bathroom, then waited by the punch clock for the last minute. Didn't so much as look at HABBA, so we'll see if he says anything today

It'd be alot easier if I could say all these instances of vague disrespect and rudeness are in my head, and I need to just get over myself, considering I've been there for almost three months compared to his six years, but that can't be. I want to say "I get the feeling I'll never know as much about this job as you do, but I'd appreciate it if you stopped treating me like I don't know what I'm doing at all", but I still haven't been pushed that far or hard enough. I want to emphasize that I respect him as supervisor, and outside of these contained incidents which have clearly been building up, we do get on well enough, but there are definitely times I want to tell him to lay off. I really like this job, and if a well-meaning supervisor with his head stuck up his butt is the worst thing I'm going to have to deal with, then so be it, but please let him find somebody else to pick on. Hell though, it's 2:19 already, when I started writing this at noon, so what does that say? I thought I'd get those dreams out and written down, say a little bit about work, and move on with my day, and the only reason I've moved from the couch so far is to go to the bathroom. Ash is due to be fed though, and I want to exercise at least once before I leave (good thing I'm working a short shift today and don't start 'til 4:30), so really should post this and get on with other things. Maybe next time I can spend less of the day complaining.

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